Bus(ted)

| | Right | January 11, 2010

(A woman enters the bus with her son.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. Your son didn’t pay the fare.”

Customer: “But children are free!”

Me: “No, ma’am. Children’s fare is currently at seventy-five cents.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not paying that! It’s free!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’ve been misinformed. Children still have to pay a fare to ride the bus.”

Customer: “No they don’t! You’re just trying to scam me!”

Me: “The fare box is locked, and is only accessed at the end of my shift, when I’m long gone.”

Customer: *pointing to the fare box* “You’re lying! This thing opens right up!”

Me: “If you can open it, your son can ride free.”

(The customer proceeds to struggle with the box for some minutes.)

Customer: “Seventy five cents, you said?”

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Wireless, Clueless, & Hopeless, Part 3

| | Right | January 8, 2010

Me: “Thanks for calling [store], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hello. I have a console that can connect to the internet and every time I try to connect it asks for a password. It didn’t used to do that. Is there any way I can create a password for it?”

Me: “That’s odd. Did you get a new router for your internet connection?”

Customer: “A what?”

Me: “Do you have wireless internet in your house?”

Customer: “I don’t have internet.”

Me: “Sir, you are connecting to your neighbor’s internet. They didn’t like it so they put a password on their network so that you can’t connect to it.”

Customer: “So can I set up a password and connect to it?”

 

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Back Tea The Basics

| | Right | January 8, 2010

Me: “For a quick cup of tea, this is a simple infuser to use.”

Customer: “Infuser? What’s that mean?”

Me: “Oh, it’s just another word for something that you use to steep tea in hot water.”

Customer: “What’s that mean?”

Me: “Steep? It’s just another word for brewing.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “It means ‘make tea’.”

Customer: “Oooooh!”

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Cookie Cutter Response

| | Right | January 8, 2010

Me: “Tech support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Why are you holding my website to ransom?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “I pay you good money every month and now you’re holding my site to ransom to sell your cookies!”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “I went to my site and when I tried to add to cart, it came up saying I couldn’t until I bought some cookies! I never agreed to this and I’m going to sue!”

Me: “Sir, cookies is just a computing term. What you saw was the page explaining that you have cookies switched off and telling you how to turn them on.”

Customer: “Cookies! Blackberries! Well I don’t know these kind of technical things!”

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Extra Crime Rib

| | Right | January 8, 2010

Customer: “I ordered a large prime rib last time I was here and it was awful! I want a new one.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am I will be happy to remake it for you. We’ll have it ready for you in a few minutes.”

(I make a sandwich while the woman strolls over to the chips, hides a bag in her jacket and takes it to her truck. She comes inside with a water bottle, fills it up with soda and takes a seat.)

Me: “Ma’am, your sandwich is ready. So you had a large prime rib and a bag of chips.”

Customer: “I didn’t have chips!”

Me: “Yes ma’am, you took a bag of chips to your truck. We have it on camera.”

Customer: “Okay, maybe I got chips.”

Me: “And I have to charge you for a medium drink.”

Customer: “I didn’t get a drink!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. You filled up your water bottle with soda.”

Customer: “But it’s my water bottle!”

Me: “Yes, but you filled it with our soda. We have you on camera.”

Customer: “Okay, maybe I did that. But my sandwich is still free, right?”

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