How About Ten To The Durrrrr

| | Right | January 20, 2010

Me: “Hello, welcome to *** Bank. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I want to withdraw ten hundred dollars.”

Me: “Ten hundred? Is that one thousand?”

Customer: “Don’t say that so loud! I don’t want people to think I’m getting one thousand. That’s why I said ten hundred!”

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It Reminds Her Of A Full Moon

| | Right | January 19, 2010

(Note: Our coffee shop offers a punch card where ten coffees equals a free bagel.)

Supervisor: “Yes, ma’am? What’s the problem?”

Customer: “This girl will not get me a muffin! I have a punch card!”

Supervisor: “Ma’am, the punch card is for a free bagel, not a muffin. I’d be more than happy to get you that bagel.”

Customer: “No! I want a muffin! Get me a muffin instead!”

Supervisor: “I’m sorry, ma’am. But muffins are more expensive than bagels. I can’t do that, it’s against policy.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I’m never coming here again!”

Supervisor: “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

Customer: “I can’t have bagels after dark!” *leaves the store*

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Tricky Customers Are Just Killer

| | Right | January 19, 2010

(I am taking tourists on a boat to see wild killer whales.)

Me: “If anyone has any questions during the charter, I would be happy to answer them.”

Customer: “So, when does the show start?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “The show. You know, like Shamu and stuff?”

Me: “You do know that these are wild animals, right?”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “These are wild animals. They don’t do tricks like you would see in an aquarium.”

Customer: “They don’t?”

Me: “No. They do not.”

Customer: “Oh, I see.” *pause* “So, when do you feed them?”

Me: “We don’t feed these animals. They are wild. They feed themselves.”

Customer: “I thought you said they didn’t do tricks?”

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All Signs Point To Other Signs

| | Right | January 19, 2010

Customer: “Hey! Where are your biscuits on special?”

Me: “On the display right next to you. You’re standing right next to it.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, you should have a sign there to point them out!”

(I point to the large sign above the biscuits. It’s black and red and quite large.)

Customer: “Well, you should have a sign that points to the sign!”


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Who You Gonna Call: Sawdusters

| | Right | January 19, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [furniture store], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, you make custom furniture right?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Customer: “Okay, can you make a table and maybe some chairs out of this tree in my front yard?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but we don’t actually do any of the tree cutting. We get all of our wood from a lumber yard.”

Customer: “But the city says I need to cut down this tree right away or I’ll be fined!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do anything about that.”

Customer: “Well, screw you, then! My grandfather planted this tree here! He’s going to haunt you till you die! HAUNT YOU TILL YOU DIE!”

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