The Infomercials Must Love You

| | Right | July 22, 2008

(A customer comes up to the register with her sandwich purchase, which had sun-dried tomatoes on it.)

Customer: “Do you make the sun-dried tomatoes here?”

Me, jokingly: “Yes, we have several lawn chairs in back. We cut the tomatoes into little strips and leave them out there for a week or two. ”

Customer: “Really?!”

Me: “No, I was just kidding. We get them from a distributor. ”

Customer: “Well, that’s not nice of you at all! When I was growing up I was always taught to believe things I was told by salespeople!”

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Fowl Play

, | | Right | July 22, 2008

(A customer comes in to return a powerhorn. We’re often wary of these returns, as customers often put them under their car to increase their radio’s volume and blow them out within a day.)

Customer: “I don’t need this. I didn’t open it.”

Coworker: “Okay, let me take a look at it…”

(The packaging HAS been opened, but it still might not be a big deal. However, my coworker finds a chicken bone in the box.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, I think you left something in here.”

Customer: “Oh! That’s my lunch!”

Coworker: “You said you didn’t open it?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Coworker: “But there’s a chicken bone in the box. And the wiring has been cut. And the unit is cracked.”

Customer: “It CAME like that.”

Coworker: “With a chicken bone in the box?!”

Customer: “YEAH!”

 

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Taking “No Pain, No Gain” Too Far

| | Right | July 21, 2008

(The power generator for the gym had a moderate fire, effectively shutting off all of the power inside. Because the PA system is dead, the employees sweep the gym and escort all of the members outside.)

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we need to evacuate. There’s been a minor emergency.”

Gym member: “What? Why?”

Me: “There’s been an emergency. Everyone has to leave.”

Gym member: “I need to finish this set! I’ll be out in a minute! ”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll just tell the fire to wait for you, then. ”

(Meanwhile, firetrucks are approaching the building, and the sirens can be clearly heard.)

Gym member: “This is ridiculous! I’m gonna talk to management! Where are they?!”

Me: “Outside, because there’s a fire.”

Gym member: “… let me get my water.”

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Jack Of All Trades, Master Of None

, | | Right | July 21, 2008

(A customer is trying to cancel a non-refundable reservation at a hotel…)

Me: “I apologize sir, but we will not be able to issue a refund at this time.”

Customer: “I am a doctor and will have to attend to an emergency at that time. So, you need to refund me.”

Me: “Again, I apologize, sir, but as the hotel is unwilling to refund, we will be unable to refund you at this time.”

Customer: “Well, I guess I will just have to see you in court. I am a lawyer and I am going to sue you.”

Me: “Sir, as a lawyer, I am sure you read over the terms and conditions of your reservation. As I am sure you noted, this reservation is nonrefundable. If you’d like, I’d can review the terms and conditions with you…”

Customer: “The Catholic Church is going to curse you! I am a lawyer for the Catholic Church and I will tell the bishop to curse you!”

(At this point, I didn’t know what to say to this multitalented doctor and lawyer for the Catholic Church.)

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Garraporta, Bumblebore And Lord Boweldesnort

| | Right | July 21, 2008

(I’m walking around stocking videos when a man comes up to with an extremely strange accent.)

Customer: “I’m looking for the Garraporta.”

Me: “I’m not sure what movie that is. What’s it about?”

Customer: “It’s the Garraporta. There are many movies!”

Me: “Uh, did you ask at front desk?”

Customer:Garraporta, Garraporta! There are many movies!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ve never heard of that movie.”

(I try every way to tell him I don’t know that movie, but he follows me all around the store saying “Garraporta!” Suddenly, he¬†stops and picks up a movie.)

Customer: “Here, Garraporta!”

Me: “Oh, Harry Potter!

Customer: “Yes, Garraporta! There are many movies!”

 

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