Strange Math In These Here Parts

| | Right | March 18, 2009

Customer: “What time is check in at your hotel?”

Me: “3 pm.”

Customer: “And check out?”

Me: “11 am.”

Customer: “Ok, so we got 4 hours.”

Me: “Um, yeah…”

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Well, That Narrows It Down

| | Right | March 18, 2009

(The guy asks for a couple of beef brisket sandwiches, but has not specified the type of bread.)

Me: “Sir, what type of bread would you like with your sandwiches?”

Customer: “Uhhh…”

Me: “We have wheat, rye, white, sourdough, 9 grain…”

Customer: “Do you have that one, you know, the square kind?”

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And Her Roots Were Blonde

| | Right | March 18, 2009

(I’m working a graveyard shift, it’s 3:00 AM, a girl comes in, obviously more than mildly inebriated.)

Customer: “Ummmm… so, I came in here an hour ago, and bought a Pepsi, and I like, took a drink of it just now, there was like, a hair in the Pepsi. Can I get another one for free?”

Me: “Do you mean there was a hair in the bottle when you drank it?”

Customer: “No, um, like, I took a drink, and one of my hairs got in my mouth at the same time, and I guess I bit it off and drank it too, and that was really gross so I like, threw the Pepsi away.”

Me: “So you swallowed your own hair, and you want me to pay for your Pepsi to make up for it?”

Customer: “Exactly! I’m sooooo glad you understand me!”

Me: “Um, no. You’re gonna have to pay, actually.”

Customer: “Aww, I knew that wouldn’t work. I /told/ him that wouldn’t work. He like, told me I was cute enough that you’d give me free stuff, but I knew it wouldn’t work. Oh well, I’ll pay, I guess!”

(She goes to the cooler and starts tapping on the lids of various bottles with her finger, before deciding on one half-way back on the rack, requiring her to take a dozen bottles off before getting to hers, and coming to the counter with it, leaving the rest on the floor.)

Me: “Um… what were you doing?”

Customer: “Checking for a fresh one! They like, sound different! You work here, you should totally know that! You’re not very good at your job, are you?”

 

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COD 4: Trout At War

, | | Right | March 18, 2009

(I witnessed from one of the checkout lines.)

Customer: “Do you have COD 4?”

Employee: “Call of Duty 4? Yes we–”

Customer: “No, no, no, not Call of Duty 4. COD 4!”

Employee: “Sir, COD 4 stands for Call of Duty 4…”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t! The customer is always right! Now bring me a copy of COD 4 right now!”

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Homework For Super Villainy 101

| | Right | March 18, 2009

Customer: *on the phone* “Yeah, I found you guys on Google. I’m trying to find a laser gun that, you know, you can shoot a plane down with?”

Me: “Um…we sell laser printer cartridges, not lasers…”

Customer: “Oh…I guess I couldn’t really throw a cartridge that far at a plane, huh?”

Me: “Uh…no?”

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