Caution: Density May Vary With Temper

| Right | August 27, 2011

(A customer comes up to my register and orders a pint of mint chip. All of our pints and quarts are hand scooped.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am, here is your ice cream. Anything else?”

Customer: “No.”

(The customer pulls out a small scale and weighs the pint.)

Customer: “This weighs 17.8 ounces! A pint of water weighs 18! I will not pay for this!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Can I get you a new pint?”

Customer: “No! This is unacceptable!”

Me: “Ma’am, would you like to talk to my manager?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Manager: “Hello, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Are you guys trying to f***ing rip me off? This is grossly under weight!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but ice cream weighs less than water because there are air bubbles in ice cream. Wwe hand scoop our pints so while we put forth the biggest effort, we are not perfect.”

Customer: “F***! I don’t care about air bubbles. This is a f***ing rip off!”

Manager: “I’m so sorry. What can I do to fix this?”

Customer: “Give me more f***ing ice cream! That’s what you can do!”

Manager: “Okay.”

(I quickly scoop her a couple cups of mint chip. She pays for the pint and storms off.)

1 Thumbs
1,250

Spare Change For Cheap Thrills

| Right | August 26, 2011

(I am a cashier in a grocery store. I have just rung up an elderly man’s groceries. Keep in mind this man is around 80 years old.)

Me: “Your total is $52.83, sir.”

Customer: *holds out hand full of change* “Can you pick out the right amount for me, honey?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I carefully start counting out change from his open hand.)

Customer: “It’s okay. I’ll let you touch my hand so I can get a thrill. Even at 80, I still get thrills, you know!”

Me: *speechless*

1 Thumbs
1,344

They Don’t Insure Against Dumb

| Right | August 26, 2011

(I work in a human resources call center. I’m walking an employee through electing her benefits online. She says she is getting an error message when she tries to save her changes.)

Caller: “It says, ‘check here to opt out of health insurance or check here to select [insurance provider].’ What should I click?”

Me: “Well, if you want to opt out of health insurance, click on the top one. If you want [insurance provider], click the bottom one.”

Caller: “I don’t understand. What’s the difference between the two?”

Me: “One is health insurance and the other one is no health insurance.”

Caller: *pause* “Oh.”

1 Thumbs
1,206

Crazy For Sushi

| Right | August 26, 2011

(I’m bagging a customer’s groceries.)

Customer: “If my sushi tips over, I’m gonna punch you in the face!”

Me: “Um, do you want me to put it in a separate bag for you?”

Customer: “You’d better.”

1 Thumbs
1,239

Who’s Teaching Who Manners

| Right | August 26, 2011

(I bus tables at a buffet-style restaurant. I approach a table of two middle-aged women and a girl who looks to be around 8 years old.)

Me: “Hello! I’ll be your service assistant today. How is everything tasting so far?”

Woman: “Fine.”

(I walk away and let them continue eating. I return about 10 minutes later.)

Me: “Why don’t I get these empty plates out of your way?”

(Both women completely ignore me. I take the plates and start to walk away.)

Girl: *yells to her mom* “Shouldn’t you say ‘thank you’?!”

(I start giggling and duck into the bus station. Later, I return to the table to pickup the next round of plates.)

Both women: *beaming* “Thank you!”

(The majority of people do not tip us. They end up leaving me $5.)

1 Thumbs
2,684