Stupidity That Can Be Seen From Space

| Right | October 20, 2010

(When taking a call from a customer who has a trash pickup problem I usually pull up an aerial picture to see what the property configuration is.)

Me: “How may I help you sir?”

Caller: “I think the garbage truck ran over my cement pad and broke the corner.”

Me: “You mean the small pad on the north side of the driveway?”

Caller: *long pause* “Do you memorize everyone’s property?”

Me: “No, I pulled up your property on my computer and I’m looking at a picture of your front yard.”

Caller: “Wow! That’s really amazing! Wait, wait, give me a second!”

(The customer drops the phone and I can hear him calling someone as he leaves the room. About one minute later he gets back on the phone and is slightly out of breath.)

Caller: “Can you see her now?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand?”

Caller: “My wife, my wife, she’s out on the front lawn in the white bathrobe and curlers. I can see her waving up at you!”

1 Thumbs
2,397

Tangled Web

| Right | October 20, 2010

(I used to work at a call center that sells PC remote control software.)

Me: “Good evening, you’re speaking with [name], from [company], would you be interested in our software?”

(I explain what the software is about, it’s monthly fee and what its requirements are, which is basically internet.)

Caller: “Yes, I’ll take one for two years.”

Me: “So you’ve got all the requirements, even internet?”

Caller: “I’ve got internet, I just take the cable out of the phone and stick it in my computer, right?”

Me: “Sir, do you have some kind of modem or router?”

Caller: “No, but I’ve got my phone cable. That’s how internet gets in, right?”

Me: “Sir, since the program is not going to work unless you have internet, I’m not going to sell you a two year prescription.”

Caller: “But I want it!”

1 Thumbs
1,342

The Spice Girls Have A Lot To Answer For

| Right | October 20, 2010

(I work in a very small café and there is a line heading out the door. A customer is ordering when a woman comes in and walks up to the front of the line.)

Male Coworker: “Miss? There is a line.”

Customer: “Ever heard of ‘ladies first’?”

Male Coworker: “I understand that, ma’am, but you are also cutting in front of many other women who have been patiently waiting.”

Customer: “I am a woman. I have rights! I don’t have to listen to you!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid he’s right. You do need to go to the end of the line.”

Customer: *looking disappointed* “But…but…what about girl power?”

1 Thumbs
3,321

Chinchilla, I Choose You

| Right | October 19, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a pet for my daughter. I think she’d like one of those furry things. You know, a pikachu?”

Me: *pause* “A pikachu?”

Customer: “Yeah, you know. It looks like a hamster and a rabbit put together.”

Me: “Do you mean a chinchilla?”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s it!”

1 Thumbs
3,105

Thick Accents, Thicker Heads

| Right | October 19, 2010

(A teenage girl enters the library.)

Me: “Hi, do you need help?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, I’m looking for a book.”

Me: “Okay. Are you a member of this library or any other Wellington library?”

Customer: “Oh, no. I’m here with my mother for the US summer ’cause I live with Dad in Florida.”

Me: “We can sign you up to the library for free and issue you a card. The card will cost two dollars.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “So, what book were you looking for?”

Customer: “Twilight. Have you heard of it? Most people in America have read it, but I’m not sure if it’s here.”

Me: “Oh, yeah. It was quite big for a while. My sister loved it.”

Customer: “It’s my second favorite book ever, after Eclipse.”

Me: “Oh, did you leave your copy in America?”

Customer: “No, I just wanted a copy from here because everyone here has really funny accents  and I wanted to know how that would change the story.”

1 Thumbs
3,086