Intelligently Unavailable

| Right | September 8, 2011

Customer: “Hi, I would like to order a copy of [book] please.”

Me: *searches computer* “Sorry, sir, it looks like that book is out of print.”

Customer: “I know that. I want you to order me a copy.”

Me: “I can’t, sir. It’s out of print. They aren’t printing anymore copies.”

Customer: “Oh, well, your colleague already told me that. I just thought you looked smarter, so you could probably get it for me.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “So you can’t get it for me then?”

Me: “No.”

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And The Thigh Bone’s Connected To The

, | Right | September 8, 2011

Customer: “I’ll have two wings, one breast, and one side-breast.”

Cashier: “Side-breast?”

Customer: “Yes, side-breast…” *repeats order*

Cashier: “What’s that?”

Customer: “Well, you have the breast, which is the front of the chicken, and the side-breast, which is half of the breast.”

Cashier: “Well, we don’t do that. We have thighs, legs, wings, ribs, and breast.”

Customer: “No, you have side-breast! I always have side-breast! There it is–those ones there!”

(The customer points to a pile in one of the heating units.)

Cashier: “Oh, you mean rib!”

Customer: “Yes, side-breast!”

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Well, It’s The Sponge’s Day Off

| Right | September 7, 2011

(It’s my first time running drive-through. The floor manager and one or two other employees also have their headsets on.)

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get you?”

Customer: “I will have a chicken sandwich, and my grandson will have a Crabby Patty kids meal.”

(The floor manager’s jaw drops. The other employees burst out laughing.)

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Ma’am, we don’t have Crabby Patties. Those are off of a kids’ TV show.”

Customer: “Oh…well, do you have anything like it?”

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The Volatility Of Intelligence

| Right | September 7, 2011

Caller: “I spilled coffee on my phone. I need warranty replacement.”

Me: “Sorry, but the warranty doesn’t cover liquid damage.”

Caller: “It wasn’t liquid damage. It was coffee damage!”

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Always After The Next Best Thing

| Right | September 7, 2011

Caller: “Is [colleague] there?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid she’s left for the day. Is there anything I can help with?”

Caller: “Yes, I was wondering if she had a p-word?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Caller: “You know, a partner? A boyfriend?”

Me: “I’m sorry? Yes, I’m afraid she does. Is there anything else I can help with?”

Caller: “Yes, uh, do you have a boyfriend?”

Me: “Uh, yes, I do.”

Caller: “Oh, right, that’s a shame. You sound like a lovely girl. Is there anyone else in your shop without a boyfriend?”

Me: “Uh, no, I’m afraid everyone here is married.”

Caller: “Are they all faithful?”

Me: *speechless*

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