Santa Thanks You For Your Consideration

| Right | August 18, 2011

(A customer is inquiring about restaurants in the vicinity of the hotel and I’ve offered him a few suggestions.)

Customer: “Thank you for your help. Now, I have one more question, if that’s okay?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: “Is all the meat in Helsinki reindeer meat?”

Me: “Do you mean in the Finnish restaurants?”

Customer: “No, everywhere. Is it possible to get beef, or pork, for example?”

Me: “Yes, you can get pretty much any kind of meat here. Reindeer is a specialty meat, even for most Finns.”

Customer: “Oh, ok! I used to live in Alaska and reindeer was the only meat you could get there. Thanks for your help, again!”

Me: “You’re welcome.”

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Something Smells Fishy, Part 3

| Right | August 18, 2011

Customer: “Last night, I was drunk on a boat and I threw my phone overboard. Now it is on the bottom of the lake. Can you send someone to pick it up for an exchange?”

Me: “I thought I heard you said it is on the bottom of a lake.”

Customer: “Yes, it is. Can you send someone?”

Me: “No, we cannot send someone to the bottom of the lake to pick it up. Also, since you don’t have your phone, we can’t exchange it.”

Customer: “But I do have it, it’s in the bottom of the lake.”

Me: “Then, you don’t have it.”

Customer: “But, I do have it. I mean, it’s not in my hands but I know where it is, so it counts as if I had it.”

Me: “No, it doesn’t, sir. Besides, we need to have the phone first in order to send you a replacement.”

Customer: “I do have it. It’s at the bottom of the lake!”

Me: “The warranty doesn’t cover liquid damage.”

Customer: “How do you know it has liquid damage?”

Me: “The phone is at the bottom of a lake!”

 

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In Case Of Emergency, Use Brain

, | Right | August 17, 2011

(I’m working in the insurance field service. One of many things I have to deal with is containing damages on the telephone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “My house is burning!”

Me: *confused* “Your house is burning?”

Customer: “My house is burning! What should I do?”

Me: “Have you called the fire department?”

Customer: “No, I thought the insurance wanted to see the damage before–” *disconnects*

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A Slippery Slimy Slope

| Right | August 17, 2011

(I cashier at a food booth for a festival every year. One year, a customer comes up to order with a large stuffed animal of a blue clown fish sticking out of his jean pocket. He pulls the fish out of his pocket and points it at me.)

Customer: “Would you like to kiss my fish?”

Me: “Uh, no. Thank you.”

Customer: “Alright.”

(At the moment, my little sister is sitting next to me doing some work. He then points to my sister, who isn’t paying attention.)

Customer: “Does she want to kiss my fish?”

Me: “Uh, no, she definitely doesn’t.”

Customer: “Haha, okay.”

(He takes his food and leaves.)

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Artificial Turf Is Shelved Under Fiction

| Right | August 17, 2011

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you sell artificial turf?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. Maybe you could try the DIY store next door.”

(For some reason, this response makes the customer very angry. I can practically see the smoke coming out of his ears.)

Customer: “Well, are you a bookstore or are you not?!”

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