Age Is Only A Social Security Number

| Right | August 12, 2010

(I am ringing up a middle-aged man.)

Customer: “You go to school, son?”

Me: “Yes sir, I’m a college student.”

Customer: “Good good. Be sure to start paying into social security. I’m going to need it soon.”

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Rectify The Situation

| Right | August 12, 2010

Customer: “Hi there, do you sell rectums?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Rectums. I need a rectum. do you sell them?”

Me: “Why do you need it?”

Customer: “I have some tablets here and it says ‘insert via rectum’ and as I don’t have one, I thought I better buy one.”

Me: “I think I better call the pharmacist in.”

(I call the pharmacist in who explains to the man exactly what a rectum is. He leaves red faced.)

 

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Not The Only Hollow Thing In The Store

| Right | August 12, 2010

Customer: “Do you have any record players?”

Me: “We only have one model, but they’re all sold out right now.”

(She leaves and comes back five minutes later.)

Customer: “Ha! I found one! I knew you were lying to me!”

(She carries the very large and heavy display version of the turntable from a few aisles over.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am, I can’t sell you the display.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, for one thing, I can’t open the case around it. Second, the one in there is just hollowed-out plastic. It’s not a working player.”

Customer: “So, can I get it at a discount?”

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Benefits Are All About Sustaining Labor

| Right | August 12, 2010

Me: “Hello, benefit section new claims.”

Caller: “My wife wants to claim for a baby.”

Me: “Your wife just had a child? How old is the child?”

Caller: “2 years old.”

Me: “I’m sorry, if the child is that old you cannot receive additional benefits.”

Caller: “But we need money.”

Me: “I understand but it’s too late now, she could have claimed 11 weeks before the child was born or up until it was a year old. There is nothing we can do now.”

Caller: “So how does my wife get money for a baby?”

Me: “Well, she needs to be pregnant.”

Caller: “Okay! I will call you back.”

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Death Refunds Her

| Right | August 11, 2010

Customer: “I’d like to return these pants.”

Me: “Was there something wrong with them?”

Customer: “No, I don’t think so. They were my mother’s, but she died.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

Customer: “It’s okay. Here’s the receipt.”

Me: “Did she wear these pants?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “The tags are off.”

Customer: “She just did that to try them on.”

Me: “But there’s a Kleenex in the pocket.”

Customer: “Well, she’s not going to be wearing them anymore. She died.”

Me: “I understand, but if there wasn’t anything wrong with them and they’ve already been worn then I can’t return them.”

Customer: “Wouldn’t you rather let someone buy them who is going to wear them?”

Me: “That’s not for me to decide. If there’s nothing wrong with them, I can’t return them.”

Customer: “Well, there’s something wrong then! They have a hole in them.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Where’s the hole?”

*long pause*

Customer: “You should just automatically make refunds for dead people!”

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