No Scan, No Scam

| Right | July 10, 2012

(I work in a store in a small town where most of the customers are elderly and sweet. If a price doesn’t come up, I will generally trust a customer if they say they know the exact price.)

Me: “Oh, there’s no bar code on this.”

Customer: “Well, it was $39.99, but I guess that doesn’t help you.”

Me: “Well, I can enter it manually. You’re sure it was $39.99?”

Customer: “Actually, it was…$19.99.”

Me: “Sir, do you really want me to call for a price check and make you and all the people behind you wait ten minutes for someone to come up here?”

Customer: *defeated* “…It was $39.99.”


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That’s What You Get For Choo-Choo-ing Me Out

| Right | July 10, 2012

(I work as a maintenance man for the top railway maintenance company in the UK. I’m maintaining buttons on the station platforms—important buttons that station staff use to let the signalman know the train is boarded and ready to leave. I must also add that to test these buttons, we need a train to be present.)

Customer: “Excuse me lad, can you tell me when the next train to Euston is, please?”

Me: *looking up at information boards* “I can see that it is due any minute now. Should you need any more help, you can just refer to the digital screens above you.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me!”

Me: “E-Excuse me?”

Customer: “I checked on my phone half hour ago, and it said the train was due at 22 minutes past. It is now half past.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Usually, the station staff can tell you why the delay has been caused, but I can tell from the screen…” *points* “…that it is expected in a couple of minutes. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you any more, as I’m just here to make the trains safe to run.”

Customer: “F***ing typical! Won’t help no c***!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You railwaymen are all the f***ing same! Whenever I see you ‘working,’ you are just standing about!”

Me: “I assure you, sir, we work very hard, but currently we are waiting for a train so we can test the station’s communication with the signalman. Without a train, the button panel won’t communicate with him.”

Customer: “Bull****!”

Me: “Well, I—”

Customer: “Whenever I pass you guys on the train, you are always standing at the side of the track, doing nothing! No wonder train fares increased because YOU b******s are leeching the system!”

Me: “Are you talking about when the train is moving and you see men like us on the track?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Well, if we were maintaining things on the track…how are we meant to do that if a train is driving over it?”

Customer: *turns red*

(He runs off, mumbling, before catching a station attendant and ripping into him as well…and missing his train in the process.)

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Things Every Employee Must Grow Accustomed To

| Right | July 9, 2012

(While putting out some stock in the organic produce section of a small grocery store, I get asked this question by a well-to-do customer his early thirties.)

Customer: “Is this all your organic stuff?”

Me: “Yep, everything on this wall.”

Customer: “Great! What about the rest of the produce? Is it safe to eat?”

Me: “Yeah, they might have just used pesticides and whatnot on them.”

Customer: “Yeah, but are they still grown on trees, or are they all made in a factory?”

Me: “No…they’re all still grown on trees and in fields.”

Customer: “So, they’re all still grown on trees and stuff?”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “Great! Thanks!” *walks off*

(Another customer has heard our conversation and turns to me.)

Another Customer: “They don’t pay you nearly enough, do they?”

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The Stairway To Heaven Is To The Left

| Right | July 9, 2012

(This occurs when I have just gotten off of work. I have my hair down, and I am waiting on my fiancé to come pick me up. I’m an almost 29-year-old female with a passionate love for music. I listen to a bit of everything. Today, I happen to be singing to Kashmir by Led Zeppelin.)

Older Customer: “STOP SINGING THAT!”

Me: “Sir?”

Older Customer: “You are singing Led Zeppelin. You are too young to listen to that. It makes me SICK!”

Me: “Watch me.”

(I put in my ear buds, crank the volume up and continue singing along.)

Older Customer: “Young people trying to live in OUR ERA!” *stomps off*

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A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Woes

| Right | July 9, 2012

(My sister is doing a high school project at a grocery store where she has to interview the store manager. It’s in a shady part of town, so when she leaves her digital camera unattended for a few moments someone steals it. After alerting the security guard, he agrees to ask the customers in the store. The only people in the store at that time are my sister, the manager, my sister’s groupmates, a college student with an iPhone, and a few admittedly shabby-looking customers.)

Guard: *to the college student* “Excuse me, sir, can I inspect your bag? There’s a reported missing item.”

College Student: “I don’t have time for this! Those students should have taken better care of their belongings! I refuse to be searched!”

Guard: “But—”

College Student: “I’m a college student, for **** sake! Why would I steal a camera?!” *points to a shabby-looking customer*He’d have more reason to steal it! I refuse to waste my time for a bunch of kids who think their irresponsibility to take care of their camera makes them a priority!”

Guard: “Sir…when did I ever say the missing item was a camera?”

College Student: “I—”

Guard: “I’ll need to search your bag now, or if you’re in such a hurry, I can have your ID.”

(The college student consents and allows the guard to search his bag. Soon enough, the guard finds my sister’s camera.)

Guard: “Is this yours, ma’am?”

My Sister: “It is!”

College Student: “What the f***?! That’s mine! I’ll have it back now and be on my way, please!”

(The guard ignores the student and turns on the digital camera. The pictures show many pictures of my sister and her groupmates. There are also a few teenage pictures of my sister in that typical provocative teenage pose in front of the mirror while wearing a revealing two-piece. The college student turns paper white.)

College Student: “Oh, that camera! Yeah, I found it on the table someplace and I was going to return it, but totally forgot and—”

Guard: “Sir, I can either charge you with stealing, or I can charge you with stalking and pedophilia, since this lady is obviously a minor. Which one is it going to be?”

(In the end, my sister got her camera back and the college student was taken away by police. The guard got a raise!)

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