Now Accepting Cash, Checks, And Fingerpaint

| | Right | October 15, 2009

(A customer walks up to my register with her 2 year old sitting in the child seat of her cart.)

Customer: “I have these two coupons I’d like to use.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you can only use one coupon.”

Customer: “Okay, then I’ll buy this separately.”

(The customer separates a large pillar candle from her other purchases and puts one of the coupons on top.)

Me: “Actually, we can only take one coupon per customer per day.”

Customer: *completely serious* “I’m not buying it, she’s buying it!” *gestures to her 2 year old*

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Gastronomically Priced Apparel

, | | Right | October 15, 2009

(While working at a well-known clothing store, a customer walks up to my cash register empty handed.)

Me: “Did you find everything you needed today?”

Customer: “I’ve been in here for fifteen minutes and nobody gave me a table yet.”

Me: “…What?”

Customer: “Yeah. I’ve been here for fifteen minutes and nobody sat me down.”

Me: “We have a couch over by the fitting rooms if you’d like to have a seat.”

Customer: “You don’t have any tables? What about booths?”

Me: “Um…we don’t have anything like that here.”

Customer: “Is this a new type of restaurant or something?”

Me: “No, this is a clothing store; we sell clothes. That’s why we have lots of clothing here and no kitchen.”

Customer: “Oh…why didn’t anybody tell me?”

Me: “Did you ask someone?”

Customer: “No!” *storms out of the store*

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What A Quack

| | Right | October 15, 2009

Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [store] where you can get great back to school fashions. This is Cara speaking, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, do you have any duck things?”

Me: “Duck things? What sort of duck things, sir?”

Customer: “Duck things.”

Me: “No, we do not.”

Customer: “Oh. Do you have any duck key chains?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “What about duck earrings?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Oh. Did you know I have over two hundred stuffed ducks?”

Me: “That’s… awesome?”

Customer: “They have neck braces. We got in a car accident, me and my stuffed ducks.”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that, sir. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “I gave my ducks neck braces.”

Me: “I really–”

Customer: “The doctor had to wrap me in twelve blankets!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Customer: “Do you have any duck things?”

Me: “No, but why don’t you try calling another [store]? We’re low volume, so we have less than the other ones.”

Customer: “I have lots of stuffed ducks, you know. They have neck braces because we got in a car accident.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I have another customer. I really have to let you go.”

Customer: “Do you have any duck things?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: “Have a nice day!” *hangs up*

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A Wing And A Praline Conveyor

| | Right | October 14, 2009

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, my daughter is right outside her flight but they won’t let her on. She has a pet bird she’s taking with her as her carry-on, and I KNOW we have it cleared so she can do that!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, one moment while I pull up your daughter’s flight information.”

(I look through the information, and it’s all there. She has permission to take the little pet bird onto the plane as long as she keeps it in her lap. Curious about what the issue could be, I call up the person at the desk at her flight. After a moment of talking, I return to the caller on the phone.)

Me: “Ma’am, I found out what the problem is.”

Caller: “There shouldn’t be a problem! My daughter has permission to take her bird on the plane with her!”

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t take a pet bird on a plane in a cookie jar…”

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Not Thinking Outside The Box – Part 2

| | Right | October 14, 2009

(I’m on the phone with a customer who had returned an empty box with no tape to our video rental store.)

Customer: “…I f***ing DID return that tape this morning!”

Me: “Sorry, but you actually only returned an empty box.”

(The customer continues yelling at me and calling me names. I patiently wait until he stops.

Me: “Could you do me a small favour? Go over to your VCR and press the eject button.”

(The customer curses me out again, but I hear him rest the phone down and then hear a VCR ejecting a tape. There is a silence, then the phone is picked up.)

Customer: “Um…I’ll be round in ten minutes.”

 

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