Sharing Ones Loss

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Right | July 2, 2010

(Students are required to show their student ID cards when borrowing a book. Two students walk up to the front desk.)

Student #1: “Hi, I’d like to borrow this book for my friend here.” *hands me their student ID card*

Me: “If your friend would like that book, then she needs to bring her own ID card and borrow it herself. I can’t let you borrow it for her in case she causes any damage or loses it.”

Student #1: “Oh. But she’s very responsible. She wouldn’t damage or lose it.”

(I turn to the second student.)

Me: “Where is your student ID card?”

Student #2: “I lost it.”

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Hollywood, M.D.

| Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Right | July 1, 2010

(A customer comes to the counter with a bleeding hand.)

Customer: “Have you got a first aid kit back there? I caught my hand and it’s bleeding.”

Me: “Of course. I’ll go get it.”

(I come back with the kit and take out some antibiotic ointment and some bandages.)

Customer: “Oh, I shouldn’t need the bandages.”

Me: “Are you sure? It’s bleeding quite a lot.”

Customer: “Well, that ointment will just fix it, won’t it?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “That stuff you’ve got in your hand, that’ll just heal it up right?”

Me: “This helps it heal faster and prevents it from getting infected, but it doesn’t heal it immediately.”

Customer: “Don’t you have the stuff that just fixes it right away?”

Me: “I don’t believe they have anything that does that, ma’am.”

Customer: “They do, I saw it before!”

Me: “Where did you see it?”

Customer: “I saw it on some movie. I don’t want that stuff there. I want the stuff I saw in the movie. Just get that stuff and fix this already, will you?”

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A Heated Topic

| Nova Scotia, Canada | Right | July 1, 2010

(Note: a lunch party is sitting outside on our deck, which overlooks the waterfront.)

Me: “How is everything, folks?”

Customer: “Oh, the food’s great! It’s just a bit chilly out here.”

Me: “If you’d like, I can move you to a table inside, where it’s warmer.”

Customer: “Actually, could you just turn up the heat?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “The heat? Could you turn it up out here?”

Me: “There is no heating system.”

Customer: “Then, what’s that?” *points to railing around the deck*

Me: “That’s the railing.”

Customer: “No it’s not, it’s a heater! It’s warm!” *touches railing as to show me how warm it is*

Me: “It’s warm because its been sitting in the sun.”

Customer: “Don’t try to trick me! I’m a scientist, and I know that heaters make things warm!”

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Till Password Reset Do Us Part

| Glasgow, UK | Right | July 1, 2010

Me: “Okay, all I need now is the security password you gave us when you opened your account.”

Customer: “No idea.”

Me: *seeing the password is a girl’s name* “Most people choose something or someone familiar…”

Customer: “Lisa? Scott? Elizabeth? Rusty? Oh! Is it my mother’s maiden name?”

Me: “No, so I’m just going to check if you’ve left yourself a hint but it takes a second.”

Customer: “Well there’s just no point in you checking it has to be one of those names. I never ever use anything else. If I did, I don’t know it. I must have set this years ago. How am I supposed to remember that?”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t one more try? Your hint is ‘wife’.”

Customer: “Emma! Don’t tell her I forgot that!”

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Decayed, Decades, Same Difference

| Cleveland, OH, US | Right | July 1, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this pot, please.”

(The pot in question is in a box with our store logo on it, but the box looks older than me.)

Me: “Okay. Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(The customer hands me a wrinkled, yellow receipt from the eighties.)

Me: “Ma’am, why do want to return this pot?”

Customer: “The lid gets too hot.”

Me: “So, you have used it, then?”

Customer: “Of course! I use it all the time. But the lid gets too hot, so I want to return it.”

Me: “Well, our return policy is limited to sixty days. You bought this twenty-three years ago.”

Customer: “But I have a receipt!”

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