A Complete Ba-SKET Case

| Right | June 10, 2010

(At our store, we have a dish called the Bruschetta (bru-SHET-ta) Chicken Pasta. I am delivering a party their food.)

Me: “So that leaves the Bruschetta Chicken Pasta. Here you go.”

Customer: “I didn’t order no bru-SHET-ta! I ordered a bra-SKET-ta pasta!”

(I turn around and put the item back on the tray, pause, then pick the same bowl up again.)

Me: “Bra-sket-ta chicken pasta. Here you go.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

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Doesn’t Un-Dough-Stand What Pizza Is

| Right | June 10, 2010

Me: “Thanks for calling [Pizza Place]. Is this for carry out or delivery?”

Caller: “Yeah, uh, I need to order a small pizza for carry out.”

Me: “Sure, what would you like on it?”

Caller: “No cheese, ’cause I don’t like cheese.”

Me: “No problem.”

Caller: “And no sauce, I hate sauce.”

Me: “Okay. What toppings would you like?”

Caller: “Oh, just plain.”

Me: “Plain?”

Caller: “Yeah, no toppings.”

Me: “So, you want a small pizza with NO cheese, NO sauce, and NO toppings?”

Caller: “Yeah. Do you, like, have a special name for that?”

Me: “Bread.”

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A Bit Grey With Anatomy

| Right | June 10, 2010

(We sometimes lose shoes and are stuck with one which we can’t sell. When this happens and it is a man’s shoe for the right foot, we sell them very cheaply to a war veteran who only has one leg. On this day, the veteran has just paid for one. There is a man behind him in the queue.)

Customer: “Why does he get those shoes so cheaply?”

Me: “Because he is only buying the right shoe, not a pair.”

Customer: “Why would he want just one?”

Me: “Because he only has one leg. He lost the other in combat.”

Customer: “Yeah, but even if he lost one leg, he’s still got two feet, right?”

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Avoid A Soft Touch With Bad Customers

| Right | June 9, 2010

(We sell a line of massage chairs. For two days, a man had come in, sat in one chair for 20 minutes, and left without looking at any other item. On the third day, my boss asks me to confront him.)

Me: “Hi, sir! I’ve noticed your interest in this massage chair. Are you interested in making a purchase?”

Customer: “Um… um… no…”

Me: “Sir, we can’t allow you to sit in the chair for this long three days in a row if you don’t even have the slightest interest in buying it. Other customers who are interested would like to try it, too.”

Customer: “What are you talking about, man? There isn’t anyone else here right now!  And who would pay $1,500 for a chair!?”

Me: “Plenty of people. This is one of our most popular items.”

Customer: “Idiots! Why would they pay for the chair when they can just come here and use it for free?!”

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On Reflection, Best Not To Ask…

| Right | June 9, 2010

(I work at a store where we stuff animals for our guests. I am helping three sisters, one about 13, one 11, one 6, stuff their bears.)

Me: “So, are you going to get clothes for your bear?”

Youngest sister: “Maybe, I hope so!” *notices my name tag* “Hey! Your name is Emily. That’s my twin sister’s name!”

Me: “Oh, that’s great!”

(Youngest sister leaves and I help the middle sister, then the oldest.)

Middle sister: “Oh, your name is Emily, that’s my uh, sister’s twins name.”

Me: “Yeah, she told me that. Where is her sister, I didn’t see her?”

Oldest sister: “She didn’t tell you?!” *yelling* “Hey [youngest sister], where does your twin live?”

Youngest sister: “In the mirrors!”

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