More Than He Bargained For

, | | Right | April 27, 2009

(My father is manning tables at the local flea market. A man comes up to the table and picks out an item that’s priced at $8.)

Customer: “Will you take $6 for this?”

Dad: “Sure.”

(The man finds another item, this one priced at $5.)

Customer: “Will you take $4?”

Dad: “Sure.”

(After a while, the man finds another item, this time priced at $6.)

Customer: “$5?”

Dad: “Sure.”

(Finally, the man gathers all of his items together and winds up for the ultimate bargaining ploy.)

Customer: “How about $20 for all three?”

Dad: “Sure.”

(Dad was always an agreeable sort.)

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Refund Rejects

| | Right | April 24, 2009

(A couple returns from a theatre to get a refund on a movie they have just seen.)

Customer: “I need my money back.”

Manager: Which movie was it for?

Customer:Kate and Leopold. That was the worst movie, ever!”

Manager: “That movie just ended. I can’t give you a refund for a movie you watched all the way through.”

Customer: “Well, if there were a roach in my food at a restaurant, I would get my money back!”

Manager: “Not if you eat the whole meal, roach and all!”

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Who’s Got The Power Now, Part 2

| | Right | April 24, 2009

Caller: “I don’t care what your little book says, put my f***ing power on!”

Me: “I can’t do that for you unless you pay your debt in full, sir.”

Caller: “Why are you being a b**** about this? Just let it slide!”

Me: “We’ve been letting it slide for months, sir. You now owe us in excess of a thousand dollars. Our rules are very clear: we are not to reconnect your power until you pay your debt.”

Caller: “F*** you! I’m going to kill you! I’m going to come to your house and kill you!”

Me: “The difference between you and me, sir, is that I know where YOU live.”

Caller: *click*

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Living On The Edge Of Anaphylactic Shock

| | Right | April 24, 2009

(A woman was looking intently at our display case of cookies.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “What kind of cookies do you have?”

Me: “Well, right now we have lemon drop and peanut butter chocolate chip.”

Customer: “Oh, I’ll take one of each.”

(I ring her out and she goes on her way. 20 minutes later I get a phone call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was just in there and I bought a lemon cookie and a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie and…MY GOD I AM ALLERGIC TO NUTS, and I SWEAR I just ate a nut. Are there any nuts in these cookies?”

Me: “…well, the peanut butter chocolate chip ones have…peanuts in them.”

Customer: “OH MY GOD!” *hangs up*

(Only 2 weeks later I am working again and the same woman walks into my store.)

Customer: *looks at the cookies again* “I’ll take one of those…peanut butter chocolate chip cookies.”

Me: “You realize that those have nuts in them, right?”

Customer: “WHAT?! Well…what about the orange walnut cookies?”

Me: “Those have walnuts in them.”

Customer: “How about the coconut pecan?”

Me: “Yeah, those have pecans in them.”

Customer: “Well, fine. I’ll just have to have one of those white chocolate macadamia cookies then.”

Me: “Look – really the only cookies that we have right now that DON’T have nuts are the sugar cookies.”

Customer: “Well, those are just too boring. Never mind then!”

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Children Should Come With A Manual… Or A Hot Line

| | Right | April 24, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling ****, my name is ****. How can I assist you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need some help. My son just shot my TV.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Yeah – he was playing around with a BB gun and shot the center of the TV. It’s dead. I need to know what to do.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, sir… that’s not something that’s covered under warranty.”

Customer: “Oh, obviously. I know that, but I need to know what to do.”

Me: “I can get you the number of a repair shop near you…”

Customer: “No, I need to know what to do to my son. He shot my f***ing TV. What do I do? Ground him? Spank him?”

Me: “… unfortunately that’s not something I can assist you with, sir.”

Customer: “Oh. Right. Well, I thought I would try anyway.”

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