Sometimes, You Just Can’t Win

| | Right | September 4, 2008

Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like some baked chicken.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we only have fried chicken.”

Customer: “How about roasted chicken?”

Me: “No, we only have fried chicken.”

Customer: “How about broasted… boasted chicken?”

(Yes, she actually said boasted chicken.)

Me: “No, ma’am, all we have is plain old fried chicken.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.” *leaves*

Boss: “Hey, don’t call the chicken old.”

Me: *facepalm*

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Around The World In 80 Epithets

| | Right | September 4, 2008

Me: “Good morning, ma’am. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Well hello dearie, what kind of mild coffee do you have today?”

Me: “Our light roast today is our Guatemala.”

Customer: “Oh no. I don’t want coffee made by [racial epithet].”

Me: “Um… well, our dark roast is our Ethiopian.

Customer: “I don’t want [another racial epithet] coffee either! Can’t you get me some American coffee?

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, coffee beans don’t grow anywhere in America except Hawaii. And we don’t carry any Kona.”

Customer: “Damn [yet another racial epithet]! Don’t want any of their coffee either. I just want some good old American coffee. That’s what I got last time.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Like I said, we don’t carry any coffee grown in America. Coffee doesn’t grow in the continental United States.”

Customer: “God d*** commies!” *storms off*

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I’ll Have The Bacteria, Lettuce And Tomato

| | Right | September 4, 2008

(I work in the deli of a very small grocery store. My co-worker had just walked out of the deli, leaving me in the back alone.)

Cashier: “Deli, you have a customer!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, I didn’t see you there. I was just washing my hands. Can I get you something?”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting here for TEN MINUTES.”

(I know for a fact that he couldn’t have been there for more than a
minute, because my co-worker had just walked out.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Like I said, I didn’t know you were out here. I was in the back, washing my hands and I can’t see you back there.”

Customer: “Well, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN OUT HERE. What were you doing in
the back? Your job is to wait on customers!”


Customer: “I don’t see why you should have to do that.”

Me: “Me neither, sir.”

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Just Another Day In Bedrock

| | Right | September 4, 2008

(Keep in mind, this customer comes in about ten times a day. He’s insane and you never know what you will get from this guy.)

Customer: “Yabba dabba.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Yabba dabba.”

Me: “Okay. That will be thirteen fifty.”

Customer: *hands me money* “Yabba dabba.”

Me: “You don’t say?”

Customer: *angrily* “Yabba dabba!!”

Me: “Doo. Have a good day.”

Customer: *happy now* “YABBA DABBA!!!!” *leaves*

(He comes back about two hours later, talking regularly like nothing happened.)

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Baptism On A Budget

| | Right | September 3, 2008

Customer: “I need some help with the animal watering troughs.”

Me: “Sure, they are outside. Let’s go look at them.”


Customer: “Can I see if I fit in it?”

Me: “Um, ok.”

(The customer climbs in.)

Customer to companion: “Ok, now you get in too, see if we will both fit.”

(The customer’s companion climbs in.)

Customer: “Ok, this will work, but do you have any nicer looking ones, without dents? We are using it for a baptismal font.”

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