That Helpful Attitude Needs To Be Shelved

| Long Island, NY, USA | Right | July 6, 2010

(I am shelving a couple books. I have two books in my hands, each going in different sections.)

Customer: *pointing* “Oh that book goes over here and that book goes over there.”

Me: “But–”

Customer: “The book goes right here.”

Me: “Yes, I–”

Customer: *takes book from me* “The book goes in this spot here.”

Me: “I know.”

Customer: “I’m not trying to tell you how to do your job. I’m just trying to be helpful!”

Me: “Thank you?”

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There Is No Voice Of Reason

| Petaluma, CA, USA | Right | July 6, 2010

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [electronics store]. What brings you in today?”

Customer: “I need an electronic English to Spanish dictionary.”

Me: “Okay, right this way.”

Customer: “Does it talk?”

Me: “No. We don’t sell translators here.”

Customer: “This isn’t a translator?”

Me: “It will translate English words to Spanish words, but it won’t speak them. It will only show you the text.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid! If I knew how to speak the d*** language, I wouldn’t need the d*** dictionary!”

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21st Century Courtship

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Right | July 6, 2010

(I am an 18 year old male. I’m working one of the rides when a younger male comes up to me.)

Teenager: “Hi.”

Me: “Hey.”

Teenager: “Will you hug my little sister?”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Teenager: “It’s a dare, just hug her!”

Me: “No thank you?”

Teenager: “Why not?”

Me: “I might getting arrested for pedophilia.”

Teenager: “What?”

Me: “Nothing.”

Teenager: “You’re gay aren’t you? I bet you’re gay. That’s why you won’t do it!””

Me: “That’s it, I’m gay. I don’t want to hug your sister because I’m gay.”

Teenager: “Oh. Will you hug me, then?”

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Feline Felony

, , , | Right | July 6, 2010

(I am finishing my break and heading back to the checkout. A woman frantically calls me over and asks me if she’s allowed to take a free cat food sample, and I tell her yes. About ten minutes later she comes through my lane, with fifty or more cat food samples stuffed down her top, cradled in her arms, and in her handbag.)

Me: “I’m sorry, the free samples are one per customer.”

Customer: “I was just picking some up for my friends.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but your friends will have to come and pick up their own sample.”

(She sighs and throws all the samples that she was holding in her arms onto my checkout.)

Me: “You also have a lot more of our samples down your top and in your bag. You can’t have those ones, either.”

Customer: “How dare you! I will have you know that I am currently eight months pregnant!”

Me: “I told you that you could have a free sample ten minutes ago, and you weren’t pregnant then.”

Customer: “Oh, s***!”

(She emptied all the samples from down her top onto the floor and sprinted from the store, trailing escaped samples from her handbag as she went.)

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Re-Ink Needs A Rethink

| v | Right | July 5, 2010

Me: “Good morning, how can I help you out?”

Caller: “I need ink.”

Me: “What type of printer do you have?”

Caller: “Inkjet.”

Me: “I need to know the model. It should be on the front of the printer.”

Caller: “It’s a laptop.”

Me: “That’s the computer. I need to know which kind of printer you have.”

Caller: “What do you mean?”

Me: “The printer should be near the laptop. It is where you insert the paper.”

Caller: “I don’t have that.”

Me: “You need a printer in order to print.”

Caller: “But my computer says it can print. There is even a key for it.”

Me: “All computers have the ability to print if you have a printer connected to them.”

Caller: “Does this mean you don’t have the ink I need?”

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