Who’s Got The Power Now, Part 2

| | Right | April 24, 2009

Caller: “I don’t care what your little book says, put my f***ing power on!”

Me: “I can’t do that for you unless you pay your debt in full, sir.”

Caller: “Why are you being a b**** about this? Just let it slide!”

Me: “We’ve been letting it slide for months, sir. You now owe us in excess of a thousand dollars. Our rules are very clear: we are not to reconnect your power until you pay your debt.”

Caller: “F*** you! I’m going to kill you! I’m going to come to your house and kill you!”

Me: “The difference between you and me, sir, is that I know where YOU live.”

Caller: *click*

1 Thumbs
6,100
VOTES

Living On The Edge Of Anaphylactic Shock

| | Right | April 24, 2009

(A woman was looking intently at our display case of cookies.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “What kind of cookies do you have?”

Me: “Well, right now we have lemon drop and peanut butter chocolate chip.”

Customer: “Oh, I’ll take one of each.”

(I ring her out and she goes on her way. 20 minutes later I get a phone call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was just in there and I bought a lemon cookie and a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie and…MY GOD I AM ALLERGIC TO NUTS, and I SWEAR I just ate a nut. Are there any nuts in these cookies?”

Me: “…well, the peanut butter chocolate chip ones have…peanuts in them.”

Customer: “OH MY GOD!” *hangs up*

(Only 2 weeks later I am working again and the same woman walks into my store.)

Customer: *looks at the cookies again* “I’ll take one of those…peanut butter chocolate chip cookies.”

Me: “You realize that those have nuts in them, right?”

Customer: “WHAT?! Well…what about the orange walnut cookies?”

Me: “Those have walnuts in them.”

Customer: “How about the coconut pecan?”

Me: “Yeah, those have pecans in them.”

Customer: “Well, fine. I’ll just have to have one of those white chocolate macadamia cookies then.”

Me: “Look – really the only cookies that we have right now that DON’T have nuts are the sugar cookies.”

Customer: “Well, those are just too boring. Never mind then!”

1 Thumbs
3,014
VOTES

Children Should Come With A Manual… Or A Hot Line

| | Right | April 24, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling ****, my name is ****. How can I assist you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need some help. My son just shot my TV.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Yeah – he was playing around with a BB gun and shot the center of the TV. It’s dead. I need to know what to do.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, sir… that’s not something that’s covered under warranty.”

Customer: “Oh, obviously. I know that, but I need to know what to do.”

Me: “I can get you the number of a repair shop near you…”

Customer: “No, I need to know what to do to my son. He shot my f***ing TV. What do I do? Ground him? Spank him?”

Me: “… unfortunately that’s not something I can assist you with, sir.”

Customer: “Oh. Right. Well, I thought I would try anyway.”

1 Thumbs
2,709
VOTES

History And Cookbooks Are Written By The Victors

| | Right | April 24, 2009

(An older lady is looking through the buffet, when she comes to our Japanese section. She eyes the sashimi.)

Customer: “Oh! Is this smoked salmon?”

Me: “No ma’am, it’s actually sashimi, the Japanese way of serving fish, so it’s cleaned and served raw.”

Customer: “Raw? That can’t be healthy! Are you sure you are allowed to serve raw fish? Someone could get sick!”

Me: “I can assure you, raw salmon won’t get anyone sick. We have served this for years.”

Customer: “But it’s raw! Someone will get sick! That’s what raw fish does – gets people sick!”

Me: “Ma’am, the Japanese have been eating raw fish for centuries. I think it will be OK.”

Customer: “Well, they also lost World War 2. I don’t think this is safe!”

Me: “…”

1 Thumbs
3,128
VOTES

A Few Carrots Short Of A Bunch

| | Right | April 23, 2009

(I work for a business software company. We take data from a database, and turn it into reports.)

Client: *on the phone* “My reports look wrong.”

Me: “All right, let’s take a look.”

(I see the problem, and we’re able to trace the problem back to his database – something outside of my company’s control.)

Me: “It looks like you have some bad data in your database – once the data in there is right, you should have no problems with your reports.”

Client: “That’s ridiculous. I don’t care what the database has; it’s my report that’s wrong.”

Me: “Actually, we see the exact same problem in your database as we do in the report.”

Client: “It’s still your fault.”

(This goes on for 20 minutes. I finally decide to make it simpler.)

Me: “If you make a hamburger with rotten meat, do you blame the bun company when you get sick?”

Client: “I’m a vegetarian, I wouldn’t know.”

Me: “OK, fine – if your veggie patty was rotten, would you blame the bun company?”

Client: “Veggie patties never go rotten!”

Me: “I don’t think you understand my analogy.”

Client: “I don’t think YOU understand vegetarians!”

Me: “Ma’am, I work tech support. It’s not my job to understand vegetarians.”

Client: “WELL IT’S NOT MY JOB EITHER, BUT I DO!”

Me: “That’s because you are one.”

Client: “NO I’M NOT!”

Me: “You told me you were a vegetarian, 30 seconds ago.”

Client: “I LIED!”

Me: “…why?”

Client: “BECAUSE YOU’RE WRONG!”

Me: “No, I’m not.”

Client: “WROOONG! WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! WROOONG!”

(She kept on saying ‘wrong’ for a good 45 seconds, despite me trying to interject, so I then hung up. No one in the company has heard from her since.)

1 Thumbs
3,849
VOTES
Page 4,177/4,524First...4,1754,1764,1774,1784,179...Last
« Previous
Next »