Undeserved Credit

| Ohio, USA | Right | September 23, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you today?”

Caller: *yelling* “I want to make sure that idiot woman I spoke with a little while ago credited my card back because I think she was stupid and didn’t know what she was doing!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll be happy to check on that credit for you today. After looking at the account, it looks like it was credited back to the credit card as stated it would be.”

Caller: “Are you sure that idiot did it? She sounded like a liar to me!”

(After looking closer at the account, I see it was me who spoke to her last.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I did take care of that credit just like I said I would when you called me a little while ago.”

Caller: *silence* “Uh… I knew you would. You’re such a sweet girl!”

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It Would Explain Canada’s Lack Of Sun

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Right | September 22, 2010

(I have just activated a new smart-phone for a customer. I am showing them how to set it up.)

Me: “…and that is how you would send a text message. Do you have any other questions?”

Customer: “The time is wrong on this phone.”

Me: “That’s because you haven’t selected the correct time zone. Here, I will show you the time setup.”

(I show the customer the list of time zones, and briefly leave her to answer another customer’s question.)

Customer: *impatiently* “Excuse me! Excuse me! This phone you have given me is broken!”

Me: “Broken? Why do you say that?”

Customer: “There is no ‘Canadian’ time zone! It keeps trying to put it on ‘Eastern’!”

Me: “Yes, that would be correct, it’s seven o’clock here.”

Customer: *indignantly* “We don’t live in the east! This is Canada!”

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Spewing Obnoxious Gases

| Sandy, UT, USA | Right | September 22, 2010

(I’m putting an item in a customer’s plastic bag after ringing them out.)

Customer #1: “Uhm… could you maybe use that bag for somebody who wants to kill the environment?”

Me: “Yeah, I think I can.”

(I turn to the next customer in line.)

Me: “Do you want to kill the environment?”

Customer #2: “Yes!”

Me: “A bag it is.”

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Stupid Customers Come With A Sign

| Staten Island, NY, USA | Right | September 22, 2010

(I notice a customer standing in our fish department examining the turtle tank.)

Me: “Hello. Do you need help sir?”

Customer: “Oh, I was just looking at your turtles. I have some at home and I’ve been wanting to put goldfish in with them. Can I do that?”

Me: “You can, but turtles will usually eat goldfish.”

(He looks genuinely upset at this fact.)

Customer: “Oh. Well can’t I just put a sign in the tank that says ‘Don’t Eat The Goldfish’ so the turtles will know?”

Me: “Sir, turtles can’t read.”

Customer: “They can’t?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Hmm. Well, that’s upsetting.”

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Driving All Night Will Burn Rubber

| New Brunswick, Canada | Right | September 22, 2010

(A couple in a car comes through the drive through.)

Me: “Hello, [Store Name], may I take your order?”

Customer: “Do you know of anywhere around here that is open at this time of night, and sells condoms?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, everything is closed.”

Customer: “Alright, thanks.”

(The customer drives away, and comes back 15 minutes later.)

Me: “Hello, [Store Name], may I take your order?”

Customer: “Hi, could I have a blueberry muffin wrapped in lots and lots of plastic wrap?”

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