Personally, I Prefer Pokey ‘Pods

, | | Right | July 12, 2008

(Working in a popular electronics store set in between an extremely rural area and a sprawling urban landscape, we get all types…)

Customer:“Y’all got dem thirty two jiggabit touchee pods?”

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Grand Opening: Not Always Right Store

| Right | July 11, 2008

Announcing the official Not Always Right store

We interrupt your daily reading for a special announcement: The official Not Always Right store is now open and stocked with funny tees, stickers, buttons and other goodies! The store helps pay for hosting costs, plus it’s a great way to get the word out about your favorite blog (*cough* this one).

PS: Free Shipping until 7/20 with orders $65 and over, code: FREESUMMER.

Who’s Got The Power Now

, | | Right | July 11, 2008

Me: “How can I help you?”

Irate Caller: “Yes, I just purchased one of your wireless routers and your stupid tech support in India just told me I have to plug it into an outlet.”

Me: “Uh… yes, ma’am. It needs to be plugged into an outlet to get electrical power.”

Irate Caller: “I purchased a WIRELESS router, so it shouldn’t require wires! Doesn’t it use batteries or something?”

Me: “No, ma’am, ‘wireless’ means you don’t need wires between the computer and the router.”

Irate Caller: “Wireless means WIRE-LESS! If this thing has to be plugged in with a wire, I want a full refund!”

Me: “If the product isn’t what you expected, I suggest you return the device to your local retailer.”

Irate Caller: “NO! That’s not good enough! They won’t take it back because it’s been opened! I want you to give me a refund!”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t provide refunds unless a product’s functionality is grossly misadvertised. You need to speak to–”

Irate Caller: “NO! You’ll give me a refund right now, you f***ing son of a b****, and you’ll do it right f***ing now!”

Me: “Ma’am, throwing a temper tantrum like a five-year-old is not going to get you something that we’re incapable of giving you.”

Irate Caller: “You can’t speak to me like that! Transfer me to your manager at once!”

Me: “No.”

Irate Caller: “What?”

(Contrary to popular belief, most companies don’t REQUIRE techs to transfer to supervisors simply because they’re told to by a customer).

Me: “I said no. I will not transfer you to my supervisor. This is a non-escalatable issue.”

Irate Caller: “But you have to!”

Me: “No, I really don’t, and since you already blasted me with profanity, technically I could have disconnected the call already.”

Irate Caller: “Well, I’m sorry…Can I have my refund now?”

Me: “I told you, I can’t give you a refund for this product. You need to contact your retailer.”

Irate Caller: “F*** you! You f***ing ****ards are ripping me the f*** off! F*** you!”

Me: “Thank you for contacting tech support and have a nice day!”

Irate Caller: “Wait! I’m sorry!”

Me: *click*

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Even Customers Have A Stupid Quota

| | Right | July 11, 2008

Customer: “What time is tax assistance here?”

Me: “They are here on Tuesdays and Thursdays, from 12 to 2 o’clock.”

Customer: “Okay, so they’re here Tuesday through Thursday, from 12 to 2 o’clock?”

Me: “No sir, only on Tuesday and Thursday.”

Customer: “Okay, Tuesday and Thursday, all day long?”

Me: “No sir, only from noon until 2.”

Customer: “So, you’re telling me that they are here from noon to 2?”

Me: ¬†”Yes.”

Customer: “And that’s on Mondays and Tuesdays?”

Me: “No, sir… ”

(Before I can say anything further, the person behind him explodes…)

Another customer: “It’s here on Tuesday and Thursday from 12 to 2! I don’t even know what the @#$% you are asking about, but I’ve figured out what time it happens! What the @#$% is wrong with you?!”

Customer: *slinks away*

 

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Singleminded Surcharge

| | Right | July 11, 2008

(I work in an electrical department. At this time, a woman is looking at a light display.)

Me: “Are you finding everything alright?”

Customer: “Yes. Where is this?”

(I lead her to the box, on an end cap. It’s a two-fixtures-for-the-price-of-one thing.)

Customer: “Oh, there’s two in there…”

Me: “Yes. But the price is the same as on the display, so you get an extra for spare parts or whatever.”

Customer: “Well, I only want one!”

Me: “You can always just sell the spare on a garage sale or something. Or if you’re like me, you might break the glass someday and so you’ll have a spare.”

Customer: “I only want one!”

Me: “…”

(The customer proceeded to pick out a nearly-identical looking fixture that was about three times the price–all because she only wanted one.)

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