Come Fly The Stupid Skies

| | Right | February 3, 2009

(I was flying in first class when two women sitting across the aisle from me buzzed the flight attendant.)

Flight Attendant: “What can I help you with?”

Passenger #1: “The plane seems to be shaking a lot, and I almost spilled my bottle of water.”

Passenger #2: “Yeah, and it’s also really noisy. We can barely hear each other talk.”

Flight Attendant: “Well, the shaking is the turbulence that the plane is flying through, and the noise is coming from the engines.”

Passenger #2: “Can’t you turn off the engines?”

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The Price For Solitude

| | Right | February 3, 2009

Patient: “I want to know why I didn’t get a single room! I asked for a single room. I demand a single room!”

Me: “I’m sorry; every single room is currently occupied by patients who must be isolated.”

Patient: “I don’t get it. You have single rooms – why do you give those to other patients?”

Me: “The patients in our single rooms MUST have a single room for medical reasons. They have contagious illnesses.”

(I try to leave the room, but the patient jumps in front of the door.)

Patient: “You’re not leaving until you give me a single room! What do I have to do to get a single room?!”

Me: “This is ridiculous. The patients in those single rooms are contagious. We can’t put them in double rooms.”

Patient: *screaming* “What do I have to do to get a f****** single room?”

Me: “…catch tuberculosis?”

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A Tasty Threat

| | Right | February 3, 2009

(At the security checkpoint, I observed a man walking up to the checkpoint with his luggage and a Tupperware container full of soup.)

Agent: “Sir, you can’t take that beyond this point.”

Customer: “But it’s my soup!”

Agent: “Sir, you can’t take a container bigger than 3 ounces.”

Customer: “But it’s my soup!

Agent: “I’m sorry, but you either have to eat it here or throw it away.”

Customer: “But…it’s delicious food!”

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Not For All The Gold In Azeroth

| | Right | February 3, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling *** Electronics. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Do you have World of Warcraft: Burning Crusade in stock?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Caller: “How much is it?”

Me: “$50, ma’am.”

Caller: “Oh, well… if I sleep with you, can I get your discount?”

Me: “No, ma’am, unfortunately not.” *hangs up*

Manager: “You should have told her that you would increase the price of the game if she slept with you…”

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Head Explodes In 5, 4, 3…

, | | Right | February 3, 2009

Me: “Thank you for choosing ***, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I would like the patty melt meal.”

Me: “Okay, would you like the single or double meat?”

Customer: “I just want it the way it comes.”

Me: “Well, we have it in a single and a double meat.”

Customer: “I JUST WANT IT THE WAY IT COMES!”

(I didn’t want to piss her off anymore, so I just rang up the double meat. She eventually pulls to the first window.)

Customer: “EXCUSE ME SIR! Why weren’t you listening?”

Me: “I was, ma’am.”

Customer: “NO YOU WEREN’T! I HAD TO TELL YOU 3 TIMES!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have a double meat or a single meat of the burger. You wouldn’t answer my question.”

Customer: “I JUST WANT IT THE WAY IT COMES!”

(At this point, I’m just like screw it and I apologized and gave her the change.)

Me: “Have a good–“”

Customer: “Oh, and I want that with mayonnaise instead of the sauce you put on it.”

Me: “……”

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