Sales (Baby) Boom

| Denver, CO, USA | Right | September 27, 2010

(The store allows you to pay off your store credit card bill at any of their stores. I was in the store paying off the company’s bill at one of the regular checkout stations. I had my 5 month old son with me in his carrier, which I put on the counter while the clerk was scanning the statement stub and the check. Another customer came up behind us, saw the carrier, but no items, on the counter and the clerk scanning a check.)

Customer: “Is she buying a baby?”

Clerk: *without missing a beat* “Yep, she got the last one on the shelf.”

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Constant New Viruses Are Such A Strain

| Maryland, USA | Right | September 27, 2010

Customer: “Can you recommend a perfect anti-virus to use on my computer?”

Me: “At the rate viruses are coming out sir, there isn’t really any that protect your computer perfectly.”

Customer: “So they don’t really work?”

Me: “No, not really sir.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, which one doesn’t work the least?”

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Fishing For Intelligence

| Ontario, Canada | Right | September 27, 2010

(At this time we are having a “fishing derby” where kids can bring fish in and we will measure them. The three biggest fish that have been caught have their measurements on a board.)

Customer: “Are these fish measured in feet?”

Me: “No, they are measured in inches.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I’m positive considering the biggest according to the board would have to be 17 feet, and the only fish I can think of that can grow to be 17 feet long is a shark.”

Customer: “You have sharks in this lake?!”

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Pray She Doesn’t Use Hemorrhoid Cream

| Orland Park, IL, USA | Right | September 27, 2010

Customer: “You changed the formulation of [day cream]. You should really tell customers when you do that!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we were not made aware of that change. How did you find out?”

Customer: “Well it tastes different.”

Me: “Tastes different? You tasted the product?”

Customer: “Of course! I taste everything I put on my body!”

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Bread And Prejudice

| Ireland | Right | September 26, 2010

Customer: “Can I have a ham and cheese sandwich please?”

Me: “Would you like that on white or brown bread?”

Customer: “I don’t mind. I’m not prejudiced.”

Me: “You’re not… prejudiced?”

Customer: “Not at all, sure the other day I ate some ‘properdoms’!” (That’s how she pronounced papadums – the flat crunchy bread you get in Indian restaurants.) “They were lovely.”

Me: “Oh good. Now what type of bread would you like?”

(At this point a woman of another ethnicity that had been served by my co-worker leaves. Suddenly, this customer becomes visibly relieved.)

Customer: “Give me some good, God-fearing white bread!”

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