Tip Top

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Right | November 3, 2010

(I am working as a cashier and an elderly lady comes in through my line.)

Old Lady: "Honey, you are always so nice to everybody. I bet no one ever does anything for you!"

Me: "Thank you! But that’s not true."

(I put the groceries in the cart for her, but she still stands by my register.)

Me: "Did you need anything else?"

Old Lady: "Here, you just take this as a lil’ thank-you from me!"

(She thrusts a couple of dollars at me. Mind you, there are cameras at every register and we aren’t allowed to take tips.)

Me: "I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t accept that. We don’t take tips."

Old Lady: "Take it, please!"

Me: "No, I really–"

Old Lady: "TAKE IT!"

(She then opens up my work shirt, puts the money inside, closes it, and pats my chest down.)

Old Lady: "Now you have a nice day!"

(There are guys from my college behind her and I’m red as a beet.)

One of the guys: "Heh heh, and how are you doin’?"

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Military Discount Can Save An Arm And A Leg

| Sicklerville, NJ, USA | Right | November 3, 2010

Customer: “Now don’t forget my military discount!”

Me: “Do you have a military ID, sir?”

Customer: “Sure do.”

(He starts digging through his wallet and doesn’t immediately find it.)

Customer: “I can also show you my scars from Vietnam!”

Me: “Just the ID will do fine.”

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What Would Jesus Discount?

| Nova Scotia, Canada | Right | November 3, 2010

(Three teenagers come up to my register to buy some CD cases.)

Me: “And that comes to $10.33.”

Teenager: “What if my dad was the Prime Minister?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Teenager: “What if he came in, and said it was $5?”

Me: “It would still be $10.33?”

(He seems to think this over for a minute.)

Teenager: “Well, what if he was the government?! Then what?”

Me: “The price would still be $10.33.”

Teenager: “Okay, so then, what if Jesus himself came into the store, and came up to you, and said it was $5?”

Me: “Well, Jesus would still have to pay full price. Which is $10.33.”

Teenager: “If Jesus was here, you’d be going to h***!”

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No Vocation For Location, Part 2

| Huntsville, AL, USA | Right | November 3, 2010

Customer: “Yes I am wondering why I got hit with roaming charges in the Bahamas?”

Me: “Well, because your plan offers you coverage in the United States and outside of it there are roaming charges.”

Customer: “Well I never got these charges in Puerto Rico!”

Me: “That’s because Puerto Rico is part of the US.”

Customer: “But it takes me longer to get there!”

 

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Take It Away, Uncle Sam

| New Zealand | Right | November 2, 2010

(Fast food places are often referred to as takeaway stores in New Zealand.)

Me: “Hello and welcome to [fast food]. May I take your order?”

Customer: “So, what is a tar… key… ah… way…?”

Me: “Um, takeaways. As in food you can take away.”

Customer: “Oh, is it a Maori word?”

Me: “No sir. It’s an English word. May I ask, are you from out of New Zealand?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m from America, but you’re lying about takeaways being an English word. I’ve been to Canada and they don’t use it there!”

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