Trust Me, He’ll Want To Wake Up For This

| | Right | June 30, 2008

(The fire alarm is going off at our extended-stay hotel. I get a call at the front desk.)

Hotel Guest:¬†”What is that sound?”

Me:¬†”That’s the fire alarm ma’am, please evacuate the building.”

Hotel Guest: “Well, can you please turn it off? My son is sleeping.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that. Only the Fire Department can, once they inspect the building. Please take your son and evacuate the building immediately.”

Hotel Guest:¬†”I can’t do that, he’s sleeping!”

Me: *bangs head on the counter*

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Water You, Stupid

| | Right | June 30, 2008

(While passing through airport security, a passenger’s bag needs to be pulled because the x-ray operator sees an obvious big bottle of water when the limit is 3.4 oz.)

Me: “Whose bag is this?”

Passenger: “Oh! Oh! Oohhh! It’s mine! Is there something wrong?”

Me: “I just need to take a quick look inside, ma’am. This shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes.”

Passenger: “Well, hurry. I think they’re boarding my plane.”

(I open her bag and find the bottle almost immediately. She gasps as I pull it out.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid you cannot have this beyond this point.”

Passenger: “Why not? I just bought it, and it’s unopened!”

Me: “Ma’am, the rules clearly state that you cannot have any liquids over 3.4 oz in your carry on. If you’d like to, you could–”

Passenger: “But that’s not a liquid!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Passenger: “It’s not a liquid! It’s water! W-A-T-E-R! You know, H-2-O? For the love of God, don’t they hire anyone with more than a grade school education for security?”

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Buuuurn

| | Right | June 30, 2008

(A man shoves himself to the front of a long line of people.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid you’re going to have to go to the back of the line.”

Him: “NO! I’m the Messiah!”

Me: “Wow. The Jews are in for a BIG disappointment.”

(He stands there for a second and shuffles to the back of the line. The other customers applaud.)

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Accidental Lemonade From Lemons

| | Right | June 29, 2008

Me: “Hi, can I help with anything?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a good book.”

Me: “Do you have any specific genre or subject in mind?”

Customer: “Yes, a good one… one that I’ll like.”

Me: “Um, you’ll have to be a bit more specific. I don’t really know what you like. Science fiction, thriller, fantasy, horror, that sort of thing?”

Customer: “Well, don’t you know any good books?”

Me: “I haven’t actually read them all, but–”

Customer: “You haven’t? What kind of librarian are you? Isn’t there anyone here who can help me?”

Me: “This one–” *holding up a book* “–is pretty popular at the mo–”

Customer: “How do you know I’ll like it?! You can’t know that. I want a book that I’ll like.”

(I get frustrated and just grab a random book that was recently turned in.)

Me: “Here, you’ll love this one!”

(Unfortunately, she did like it, and told my boss to thank me for my great suggestion. Darn.)

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Unlimited Nights, Weekends and Spelling

| | Right | June 29, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling *** Wireless. May I have the 10 digit number you’re calling about today?”

Customer: “Yes, can you spell thousand for me?”

Me: “… excuse me?”

Customer: “Can you spell thousand?”

Me: “Um, sure. T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D.”

Customer: “T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D.”

Me: “Yes that’s correct…”

Customer: “Okay, thank you. Can you spell fifteen?”

Me: “Um, excuse me–”

Customer: “Can you spell fifteen?”

Me: “F-I-F-T-E-E-N.”

Customer: “Okay, thank you!” *click*

Me: ???

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