Another Tragic Hair Disaster

| North Wales, UK | Right | August 6, 2010

(The phone rings five minutes before the end of the school day.)

Parent: *very distressed* “You’ll have to help me, please help!”

Me: “What on earth has happened? How can I help?”

Parent: “It’s an emergency! There’s been a disaster! You have to help me!”

Me: “Calm down and tell me what has happened. I’ll do my best to help”.

Parent: “I can’t get there to pick up [name of her child]. It’s an emergency!”

Me: “Don’t worry about her, I’ll keep an eye on her here at school. She can come home with me if need be. Is there anything else can do? What has happened?”

Parent: “It’s my hair, it’s turned out orange!”

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Can’t See The Wood In The Trees

| Dallas, TX, USA | Right | August 5, 2010

( I am ringing up a customer. I pick up a plastic bag and hold it up.)

Me: “Do you need a bag?”

Customer: “No, thanks. I’ll save a tree.”

Me: *jokingly* “Yeah, those plastic trees are really endangered.”

Customer: *looking shocked and worried* “They are?!”

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Self-Diservice Checkout

| Sheffield, UK | Right | August 5, 2010

(A customer is getting frustrated at the self-checkout.)

Customer: *shouting* “Miss! Miss!”

Me: *with another customer* “One minute, please, I’m helping this lady right now.”

Customer: *goes red in the face* “Miss!”

Me: “Give me a minute, please. I’ll come to you next.”

(The angry customer starts swearing and hitting the machine. The customer I am working with politely offers to wait while I go to the other customer. I apologize and go to the angry customer.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “The stupid machine stopped working!”

Me: “An item you have scanned isn’t on the metal bagging pad. Mind if I take a look?”

Customer: *grunts*

(I find that all but three items of a 30+ item shop has not been scanned. I explain the situation.)

Customer: “Oh God, no! I can’t do all this again!”

Me: “No problem! I’ll just put it all through for you.”

Customer: “No! It won’t save me any money that way!”

Me: “You don’t save any money with self-scan checkouts. I mean, you still pay for it all.”

Customer: “This is stupid! I shouldn’t have to pay for it all if I’m doing your job for you!”

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Setting The Wrong Tone

| Chattanooga, TN, USA | Right | August 5, 2010

Me: “Thanks for calling [copier company], can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to order some toner for my copier.”

Me: “Okay, is this for a black and white machine or a color machine?”

Caller: “Well, the machine is kind of cream-colored…”

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Seriously, It’s Just A Joke

| Orlando, FL, USA | Right | August 5, 2010

(I am loading guests onto boats at my ride, on which everybody gets wet and all seats are red, when my boss makes a joke over the intercom.)

Boss: “If you’re in a red seat, you will get wet. The red seats are the wet seats. The blue seats are the dry seats.”

Guest: “I’d like a blue seat, please.”

Me: (gesturing at the boat) “All the seats are red.”

Guest: “But I don’t want to get wet.”

Me: “This is a water ride. You will get wet.”

Guest: “Not in a blue seat. He just said.”

Me: “He was making a joke. See? All the seats are red.”

Guest: “Okay.” *pause* “Which seats are the dry seats, then?”

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