An Unsalvageable Lie

| | Right | March 23, 2009

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this. *hands me a metal, foot-operated garbage bin*

Me: “Sure, I’ll need the receipt please.”

Customer: “I don’t have it.”

Me: “OK, is there any reason why you’re returning it?”

Customer: “Yeah, my wife didn’t want it.”

Me: “Did you use it?”

Customer: “No.”

(I open it to find an old dirty sock.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t take this. There’s a dirty sock in there.”

Customer: “That was already in there.”

Me: “…”

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VIP: Very Irritating Person

| | Right | March 23, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “I’m in a meeting.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “I’m in a meeting.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Caller: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m in a meeting.”

Me: “Sir, you called me.”

Caller: “Yes, I called to let you know I’m in a meeting.”

Me: “…” *hangs up*

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You Get Who You Pay For

| | Right | March 20, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to dispute a charge on my bill.”

Me: “Yes, certainly. Which charge would you like to dispute?”

Customer: “There should be a charge on February 22nd for $2000.”

Me: “The one for ‘Gentlemen’s Club’?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s the one I’d like to dispute.”

Me: “And what’s the reason for the dispute?”

Customer: “…do you need to know?”

Me: “Without a reason, we cannot submit a proper dispute.”

Customer: “Um…OK, well, it was a business trip…and, um…I wanted to hire…um…an escort for a client. Not for me, for a client! For the night. And we weren’t pleased with her, um, services. Which isn’t to say that she didn’t provide services! I’m just saying that it wasn’t the service we…well, the service we…. It wasn’t what we expected.”

Me: “…all right. I’ll transfer you to our disputes department for further assistance.”

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Lowest Common Denominator: Found

| | Right | March 20, 2009

(This exchange happened between two co-workers.)

Waitress: “I need a fourth of a chicken to go, please.”

Cook: “OK, a quarter chicken it is!”

Waitress: “NO! I ASKED FOR A FOURTH!”

Cook: “A quarter and a fourth are the same thing.”

Waitress: “Oh…is there another word for a half?”

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When Men Were Men & Electronics Were Multi-Taskers

, | | Right | March 20, 2009

(A mother and son are finishing up their purchase.)

Me: “Will that be all for you guys today?”

Customer: “Well…do you have meetings here with your staff? Like ones where everyone can talk?”

Me: “Sometimes…”

Customer: “I want you to tell them I don’t like these new TVs, the flat screens and the plasmas. I want the old TVs back. You should tell them that.”

Me: “The old TVs?”

Customer: “I remember when TVs were like furniture. You could use them to put a plant on, or a lamp, and they were square and wood-paneled. TVs were better then.”

Son: “Mom, I like the new plasma and LCD TVs. They’re really cool!”

Customer: “No! They aren’t! You don’t know what you’re talking about!” *to me* “Now, you lady, you should tell them that for me! Tell them I want furniture back! And I’m not the only one!”

(She then proceeded to walk around the store, going off about technology, and how the old stuff was better. Her poor son was embarrassed the whole time.)

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