If A Is Equal To B …

| | Right | December 3, 2007

(Mexican restaurant; the pico de gallo salsa is the same as mild)

Lady: “I’ll have the pico de gallo and the mild.”

Me: “Oh, well, they’re the same thing.”

Lady: “…But I want both.”

Me: “O…K…” *scoops pico de gallo* “…there’s the pico, and…” *adds another scoop* “…there’s the mild.”

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You Go On Wit Yo Bad DIY Self!

| | Right | December 3, 2007

Caller: “Hello, I’d like some help!”

Me: “Sure sir, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Well, actually I don’t have an account yet. I was wondering if I could talk or send messages to my daughter. She’s in Australia and she has an internet account.”

Me: “Yes sir, that’s possible!”

Caller: “What do I need to do that?”

Me: “You just need a computer and a modem.”

Caller: “Hey, but just have a FAX machine and a TV! Isn’t that enough?”

Me: *controlling the urge to burst in laughter* “I’m afraid not, sir. You’ll need a computer for sure.”

Caller: “YOU KNOW WHAT? You guys don’t wanna help me! I know your types! You just want the fat, rich customers that will buy anything you demand! You know what? You’re not the only ISP in town! Goodbye!” *click*

Source

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Must Be A Vegan

| | Right | December 2, 2007

(I was working at a Subway about a year ago)

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Let me see.” *looks at the menu* “A sub.”

Me: “What kind of sub do you want, ma’am?”

Customer: “I want provolone cheese?”

Me: “What kind of meat would you like?”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “What kind of meat?”

Customer: *agitated* “Are you being rude?”

*storms out and stands in front of the store for a few minutes telling people not to come in because of a rude employee*

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Lowest Common Denominator

| | Right | December 2, 2007

Customer: “I’d like a Chicken Kiev pizza, without chicken, garlic or sweetcorn. And throw some ham on there.”

Employee: “So, you want a ham pizza?”

Customer: “Yeah, why not.”

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God, I Love Lawyers

| | Right | December 1, 2007

Me: “Okay sir, so I would just need you to verify your information and sign here–”

*Patient cuts me off, snatches the clipboard and gives me this I’m-not-stupid look*

Male Patient: “Listen, I don’t need you to tell me what to do. I’m a lawyer and I know how the system works!” *Sits down and starts looking over the paper work*

(Five minutes later…)

Male Patient: “Ma’am, where did you need me to sign??”

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