There’s A Nut, But It’s Not In The Pistachio

| | Right | December 5, 2007

Customer: “What kind of nut is in the pistachio?”

Me: “…you can’t be serious.”

Customer: “No, really, what kind of nut is in the pistachio?”

Me: “Pistachio.”

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I Got Alky On My Mind

| | Right | December 4, 2007

(I work at a small, independent coffee shop. You will be surprised how often things like this happen.)

Customer: “Do you sell alcohol?”

Me: “No, we only sell coffee.”

Customer: “But it says shots on the menu.”

Me: “Espresso shots.”

Customer: “What kind of liquor is that?”

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Next On Eyewitness News: The Jigsaw Puzzle Slave Trade

| | Right | December 4, 2007

(I work in an uppity part of town where are the e-shoppers come out of their yuppie caves to shop.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a question.”

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: *points at a popular movie puzzle with a picture of a child playing with said puzzle* “Is the kid on the box part of this puzzle?”

Me: “Um…what?”

Customer: “Well, if the kid is part of the puzzle, I don’t want it. He has nothing to do with this movie.”

(At this point I turned around and walked to the back room where she couldn’t get me.)

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Workin’ That Tech Support Magic

| | Right | December 3, 2007

(A customer calls in to a call center and states that he can’t connect to his internet. After about 20 minutes of trying to get the customer to troubleshoot, none of which he can manage to do, the rep figures the cable is simply disconnected. However, since the customer can’t troubleshoot they come up with a clever way to fix the problem.)

Rep: “Sir, can you unplug that big phone cord looking cable from the box with blinking lights and your main computer box and hold both ends in your hands for me?”

Customer: “Yeah, hold on.” *shuffles around* “Well that was easy. Got it.”

Rep: “Ok, what I need you to do is swing one end of that around above your head as hard as you can. Sometimes bad packets get stuck in the end, making it impossible to connect to the internet.”

Customer: “Alright! One second.” *whooshing in the background* “… Ok, done, Now what?”

Rep: “Ok, now plug it back in to the back of the blinking lights box and the main computer box and let me know when you have done that.”

Customer: “Wow! That really worked! Thanks!” *click*

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On The Futility Of Signs

| | Right | December 3, 2007

(One customer complains about a game that is not giving tickets. Upon looking at the game, I discover that a fuse is blown. I place several “Out of Order” stickers over the coin slot and refund the customer. Two minutes later another customer approaches.)

Customer: “I just put a coin in this game and won tickets but none came out.”

Me: “I placed an ‘Out of Order’ sticker on the coin slot. Is it not on there anymore?”

Customer: “You mean these? They were in the way so I removed them. Can I get a refund?”

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