Wrong About The Right

| | Right | November 20, 2009

(I’m filling out a return slip for a customer.)

Customer: “Oh! You’re a lefty!”

Me: “Err no, this is my right hand.”

Customer: “But it’s on my left!”

Me: “It’s still my right hand.”

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Third Tail’s A Charm

| | Right | November 20, 2009

Customer: “Hi, I’m planning to stay here for a few days and just wanted to find out whether I can bring pets.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but our hotel has a strict no pet policy.”

Customer: “So I can’t bring my dog?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “But it’s tiny, doesn’t shed, and I guarantee I’ll always let it out in time.”

Me: “No, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “What about my cat?”

Me: “No pets, sir.”

Customer: “Alright, fine.” *stands around for several moments* “So my wife can bring her hamster, right?”

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Best. Grandpa. Ever.

| | Right | November 20, 2009

(I work at a small grocery store owned by my Grandpa. It’s in the middle of summer and a customer wearing a thick jacket comes in.)

Customer: “Can I get some cigarettes?”

Grandpa: “Excuse me, would you mind open your jacket up?”

Customer: “No, why would I do that!”

Grandpa: “Sir, I saw you take that beer. Give it back and we won’t press charges.”

Customer: “That’s crazy, I didn’t take anything!”

Grandpa: “Sir, I–”

(The customer seems like he is about to run, and my grandpa grabs his arm. The customer tries to shove him away, but in the process he opens his coat and reveals the stolen goods.)

Customer: “GET OFF!”

(My grandpa grabs his balls, and begins squeezing them.)

Grandpa: “Just put the beer down, and I won’t pop them!”

(He put the beer down.)

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How About Some TechiFlu

| | Right | November 19, 2009

Customer: “Hi, I had my computer looked at there, and you guys said that it’s running slow because there are probably bugs in it. Well, I sprayed some bug spray in it and now it won’t turn on.”

Me: “Ma’am, when they tell you bugs, they mean computer viruses, not an actual bug.”

Customer: “Well, what can I spray it with to get rid of the viruses?”

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Putting Your Foot In It

| | Right | November 19, 2009

(My friend and I are door-knocking to raise money for a charity.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, we’re collecting for [charity]. Would you like to donate?”

Customer: “Oh yeah, sure!”

Me: “Thank you, we really appreciate it!”

Customer: *pauses and suddenly glares* “Don’t look at my feet.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “You heard!”

(We can’t help it and sneak a look at her feet. She is wearing frog slippers.)

Customer: “DON’T F***ING LOOK AT MY FEET!”

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