Misunderstanding The Great Melting Pot

| | Right | August 12, 2009

Me: “Hi, what would you like to order?”

Customer: “Can I get some bread sticks?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have bread sticks.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Can I get… what was it called? Chow mein?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, we don’t serve chow mein. We have something like that called yaki udon, though.”

Customer: “What? Why don’t you have chow mein?”

Me: “That is a Chinese dish and this is a Japanese restaurant.”

Customer: “They’re different?!”

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I Put A Spell On You… And You.. And You…

, | | Right | August 12, 2009

(I’ve just helped a customer find a pair of shoes.)

Customer: “Thanks so much. It’s so great the last pair was in my size!”

Me: “Yeah, that was pretty lucky.”

Customer: *completely serious* “Oh, it wasn’t luck. I put a curse on everyone with the same shoe size as me so they wouldn’t buy these shoes.”

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Truth In Advertising

| | Right | August 12, 2009

(A customer brings up four panties with a free pair of panties coupon.)

Me: “If you grab one more pair of panties, you can get the five for $25 promotion.”

Customer: “I don’t want to.”

Me: “Well, with the coupon and the promotion you will be saving money.”

Customer: “Why are you forcing me to buy more?! I want these panties only!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you are paying $24.50 right now for only four panties. When you purchase a fifth one, you will actually save money.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want to! You can’t make me buy another one!”

Me: “Ma’am, please…I am not trying to make you pay more. I am trying to save you money!”

Customer: “You…want to save me…money?

(The customer reluctantly grabs one more pair of panties and I ring it up.)

Me: “Now, your total is $21.52.”

Customer: “You actually did want to save me money! *whispers* “I’m kind of slow…”

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Lord Of The Rain Dance

| | Right | August 11, 2009

Me: “Good afternoon, [theatre], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I want to know what’s happening tonight with the show, since it’s going to rain. I have tickets and I want a refund.”

Me: “Well, the company doesn’t cancel a show until the scheduled start time, so you do have to turn up at the venue to see what we’re doing. We will go ahead in light rain, and we can’t refund if the show goes ahead.”

Caller: “You’re telling me I have to drive all the way there, when you know it’s going to be canceled?”

Me: “Well, we don’t decide until that time because we’re not sure what the weather will be like this evening.”

Caller: “The national weather service says it’s going to rain.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the weather’s been a bit unpredictable lately, so–”

Caller: “That’s not true.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “They said it would rain tonight.”

Me: “Of course, ma’am, but we’re still not sure that at the time of the show–”

Caller: “You shouldn’t insult people like that. People have studied for years to be able to predict the weather! You shouldn’t just dismiss that!”

Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t mean to-”

Caller: “Oh, I’m sure you didn’t, but you really should be more careful how you speak. If they say there’s going to a storm, you should respect that. You should cancel your show.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Well unfortunately, that is the visiting company’s policy, so I’m afraid you’ll have to take it up with them.”

Caller: “I will!” *hangs up*

(Unfortunately for the caller, we had beautiful summer evening and the show went ahead as planned.)

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Why Husbands Need Training Wheels

| | Right | August 11, 2009

Me: “Sir, it says we have you in a room with two queen size beds. Is that correct?”

Wife: “That’s right. At home, we have a Tempur-Pedic bed, so when we stay places, we need two beds.”

Husband: “Yeah, I flail–”

Wife: “–he bounces in his sleep–”

Husband: “–and not in the good way.”

Wife: “Yeah, it starts out as the good kind of bouncing, and then it doesn’t stop–”

Husband: “Yes, honey, that’s TMI. TMI!”

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