No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4

| Ohio, USA | Right | May 31, 2010

(After unlocking the caller’s account and beginning to explain when it can be used.)

Me: “Okay, sir. The account will be unlocked in a half hour.”

Caller: “Okay, I’m in Florida, where y’all located?”

Me: “Sir, we are in Ohio.”

Caller: “Okay. So is that 30 minutes Central or 30 minutes Eastern?”

 

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McMahon Would Be Proud

| Ontario, Canada | Right | May 30, 2010

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

(Note: the customer speaks like a wrestling announcer, which continues for this entire conversation.)

Customer: “I need a medium pizza with four, count ’em, four toppings!”

Me: “Alright, let me just grab a pen to write your order.”

Customer: “What are those toppings you may ask? Well, they are mushrooms, green peppers, pineapple, and sliced tomatoes!”

Me: “Alright sir, I have all of that written down and your pizza should be ready in about–”

Customer: “I will return in ten, count ’em, ten minutes, and my pizza had better be ready!”

Me: “Well we will certainly do our best, sir.”

Customer: “Good! And if your best is not good enough, well, so be it!”

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Homeless Meets Thoughtless

| Dalton, GA, USA | Right | May 30, 2010

(A woman comes up to me while I’m taking down the dried out, bad corn from the display.)

Customer: "You just throw those away?"

Me: "Yep, we have to throw out the bad ones."

Customer: "You mean they don’t donate it to the poor or anything?"

Me: "Well, no. Our store does donate to the unfortunate, but it’s usually money or fresh product."

Customer: "But poor people are used to eating bad food! They eat out of the trash all the time! You don’t have to give them good food!"

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Indoor Trees Are An Absolute Debarkle

| Saint Louis, MO, USA | Right | May 29, 2010

(I am working in the garden shop. Note that we’re experiencing 60 mph winds.)

Customer: "You people really have a problem out here!"

Me: "I’m sorry sir, what seems to be the issue?"

Customer: "You have trees blowing over all over the place!"

Me: "I do apologize. We have been trying to contain them, but mother nature is winning."

Customer: "Screw your mother nature! Just take them inside. It’s where they belong anyway!"

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Pause For (Lack Of) Thought

, | Waukesha, WI, USA | Right | May 29, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Fast Food Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yea, I’m calling about the nuts you put in my son’s ice cream.”

Me: “Um, sir, we don’t sell ice cream here.”

Caller: “Yeah, you did. I came in last night.”

Me: “Sir, this is [Fast Food Restaurant]. We don’t serve ice cream here.”

Caller: “Yeah, you do. For 49 cents. And you put nuts in my son’s ice cream! I’d like to speak to your manager!”

Me: “You’re speaking to her.”

Caller: “Oh, and you said you don’t serve ice cream here?”

Me: “No sir, we don’t. I think you needed the number for [other restaurant] across the street.”

Caller: You own both the restaurants?

Me: “No sir, we don’t. We’re just us.”

Caller: *long pause* “So what kind of desserts do you sell there?”

Me: “Cinnamon Twists.”

Caller: “I hate those things. What else you got?”

Me: “Cinnamon Twists. That’s it.”

Caller: “I heard you say that! What else do you have?”

Me: “That’s it.”

Caller: *longer pause* “Well, can you concoct something for me if I came in?”

Me: “No, sir, we can’t do that.”

Caller: “Oh…”

Me: “Was there anything else you needed help with?”

Caller: “No. Just to clarify, you don’t sell ice cream?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Caller: *long pause* “You should probably hang up now.”

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