I LAve L.A.

| | Right | March 31, 2009

Customer: *holds up sweatshirt* “Oh my god, they spelled this wrong!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Los Angeles!”

Me: “Um, that’s how you spell it.”

Customer: “Nooooo. It says LOS Angeles, but it’s supposed to be LAS Angeles. It’s pronounced LAS Angeles. Am I right?”

Customer’s friends: “Yeah, totally!”

Customer: “And, actually, shouldn’t it be LAS AngeLAS? Because that’s how you say it, LAS AngeLAS!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I can’t believe no one has ever noticed this before!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s shocking…”

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One Scamwich, Coming Right Up

| | Right | March 31, 2009

Customer: “Yeah, we were in earlier and ordered 2 turkey sandwiches, a ham sandwich and a club sandwich, all a foot long. There were flies in them so I want you to give me a refund.”

Manager: “There were flies in your sandwiches?”

Customer: “Yes, it was gross. I want my money back!”

Manager: “Well, where are the sandwiches? Why didn’t you bring them right back?”

Customer: “I was already home by the time we opened them.”

Manager: “Well, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No! I just want my money back, there were flies in my sandwiches!”

Manager: “Sir, I’m going to have to check and make sure there was an order that matches before I can see about a refund.”

Customer: “…huh?” *long pause, then hurries out of the store*

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Imaginary Return, Imaginary Refund

| | Right | March 30, 2009

(A woman comes into our hardware store with an empty pot.)

Customer: “Hi, how are you? I’d like to make a return.”

Me: “Sure, what would you like to return today?”

Customer: “I need to return this plant.” *holds up empty pot*

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you only have the pot there.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know.”

Me: “Well, you need to have the plant to return it.”

Customer: “But I’ve already planted it!”

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Someone Needs To Get Ctrl-Alt-Deleted

, | | Right | March 30, 2009

(A customer calls in having trouble logging into her email.)

Me: “Okay, let’s try typing the password into a text program like Notepad or Word. Then, we can copy and paste it into the password box.”

Caller: “Copy and paste?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s just a quick–”

Caller: “COPY AND PASTE? What the h***?! I have a secretary so that I don’t have to learn copy and f***ing paste!”

Me: “If you calm down, it’s really very easy.”

Caller: *hangs up phone*

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The Bigger The Lie, The Higher They Fly

| | Right | March 30, 2009

(The captain of our aircraft had stepped off to get some paperwork as customers were boarding. One passenger looked up front and turned to our flight attendant.)

Passenger: “Why is there only one pilot up there?”

Flight attendant: “She is the first officer. The Captain will be back in a bit.”

Passenger: “Can they fly the plane with only one pilot?”

Flight attendant: “The other pilot will be back in a moment. He is taking care of some paperwork.”

Passenger: “Why are there two seats if there is only one pilot?”

Flight attendant: *gives up* “Well, sir… actually, she is just setting up the airplane and telling it where to go. In a few moments, she’ll push the start button and leave. The plane will fly us all the way there with no pilot at all.”

Passenger: “Oh! That’s neat!” sits down, apparently satisfied*

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