Hugh Do You Think You Are

| Tucson, AZ, USA | Right | September 1, 2010

Me: *wrapping up the call* “Thank’s very much Hugh! Was there anything else?”

Caller: “And what was your name? Oh Emma, right.”

Me: “My name is Uma.”

Caller: “Yuma?”

Me: “Like Uma Thurman.”

Caller: “Oh, like the actress? Are you as pretty as she is? Do you look like her?”

Me: “No. Do you look like Hugh Grant? Or Hugh Jackman?”

Caller: “Try Hugh Hefner.”

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Best Oosik To What You Know

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Right | August 31, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, what is this?”

Me: “That’s an ‘oosik’.”

Customer: “What’s it made of?”

Me: “It’s umm.. the lower anatomy of a walrus.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “It’s a part of a male walrus.”

Customer: “What part?”

Me: “It’s a petrified walrus penis.”

(The customer laughs and runs over to his wife. They talk in their language for a bit then he drags her over by the arm, still giggling.)

Customer: “Tell her what it is!”

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When Grave Concerns Are Warranted

| Canada | Right | August 31, 2010

(After talking to an elderly customer about a computer and all its benefits, I try to talk to him about our in-store warranty.)

Me: “So are you interested in purchasing this computer and having it protected for three years through us?”

Customer: “I would be dead by then.”

Me: “Then it would be a lifetime warranty.”

Customer: *laughs*

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When The Only Typing Available Is Stereotyping

, , , , , | Right | August 31, 2010

Me: “Sir, can I help you?”

Customer: “I need a cable.”

Me: “Ok. I’ll take you to our cables. What kind of cable do you need?”

Customer: “Uhm…. a cable. USB? I need to hook up a computer.”

Me: “Here are our USB cables, but could you be a little more specific?”

Customer: *getting angry* “These are not what I need at all! I need a cable! Are you deaf? I need a  C-A-B-L-E. I need one for my computer.”

Me: “Sir, there are a lot of cables. If you could tell me what kind of thing you are trying to hook up?”

Customer: “Is there anyone else on the floor that can help me? Maybe one of the computer guys? You’re obviously too stupid to understand.”

Me: “Sir, I am the only one on the floor at the moment and I am trying my best to help you find your cable.”

Customer: “Miss, why don’t you go back to the registers where you belong and bring me a computer guy?”

Me: “Sir, I am the tech person and would be happy to help you find your cable. Could you show me an example of what you mean?”

(The customer, extremely agitated, goes to a display computer.)

Customer: This is what I want! A cable!”

Me: “You mean a keyboard?”

Customer: “Um…yes.” *sheepishly leaves the store*

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Cheapskating Around The Issue

| Mississauga, ON, Canada | Right | August 31, 2010

(The store is very popular around Christmas time. We have a general rule not to do price adjustments, particularly on Christmas gifts as they were always marked down after the holidays. A customer hands me receipt; he has no bags with him.)

Customer: “I’d like to do a price adjustment for these gifts.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we don’t do price adjustments.”

Customer: “Well, then I’ll return them and buy them back on sale. So give me back the money for them.”

Me: “I can’t give you back money for products that you don’t give back to me.”

Customer: “I’m just going to buy them back for the sale price right away anyways, so just give me the money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but without the products I can’t give you any money back or do a price adjustment. If you bring in the products I will gladly return and re-sell them to you.”

Customer: “I’ve already given them away! They were Christmas gifts for my family, you idiot!”

Me: “Can you let your family know that you want to take their gifts back so that you can get some money back from them?”

Customer: “What do I look like to you, some kind of cheapskate?!”

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