Someone Needs Sensitivity Training

| | Right | May 16, 2008

(I’m at home, on Christmas Day with my family, eating dinner. Our number is similar to a floral shop in our town, so we’re constantly getting calls from customers.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “WHERE ARE MY FLOWERS?! I ORDERED MY FLOWERS FOR NOON ON CHRISTMAS DAY AND I DON’T HAVE THEM YET! WHY CAN’T YOU PEOPLE EVER DELIVER MY FLOWERS RIGHT?! LAST YEAR, I…”

(I predicted a whole novel’s worth of stories, so I figured I would cut in…)

Me: “Sir! This isn’t the floral shop, you have the wrong number. This is *my number* and you just interrupted our Christmas dinner.”

Caller: “WELL, F*** YOUR CHRISTMAS DINNER!” *click*

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Shopping Amongst The Commoners

| | Right | May 16, 2008

Customer: “I’m here to pick up a book I ordered.”

Me: “Did you receive a card saying it was in?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Great, let me get it for you. What’s your last name?”

Customer: *gives last name*

Me: *goes to special order shelf, behind the cashwrap, to find the book*

Customer: *comes behind the cashwrap and looks too*

Me: “Sir, I need to ask you to step back in front of the registers. This is a secure area.”

Customer: *ignores, keeps looking*

Me: “Sir, please step back! We don’t allow customers in this area!”

Customer: *grumbles, steps back*

Me: *finds book, completes sale*

Customer: *leaves*

Coworker, laughing: “Do you know who that was?”

Me: “Well…he looked familiar.”

Coworker: “That was the governor! You just bossed the governor around!”

(I felt a little silly for not recognizing him, but he hadn’t been governor for long, had a common last name and looked like every other rich, entitled guy who ever came into the store.)

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Touché, Part Deux

| | Right | May 16, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to know why I received a late fee on my statement?”

Me: “Let me check for you…I do apologize sir, your payment was received 15 days after the due date, which caused the fee.”

Customer: “I see, can you remove it?”

Me: “Unfortunately no, you have had three removed this year already. This fee will not be removed.”

Customer: “What do you mean you won’t remove the f****** fee! I always pay on time!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “What, are you stupid? Your g** d*** mother not educate you? Are you some kind of bank nazi? Remove my fee!”

Me: “As I stated, this fee is valid and will not be removed.”

(This went on for about 4-5 minutes, his requests heavily sprinkled with profanity and insults.)

Customer: “Fine, you know what? You can take this g** d*** mo**** f****** Visa card and shove it up your g** d*** mo**** fu***** a**!”

Me: “Sorry sir, my a** only accepts American Express.” *click*

 

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Cumulative IQ: Two. And A Half.

| | Right | May 15, 2008

(I approached a youngish looking husband/wife couple checking out our bedroom furniture to see if they needed any help.)

Wife: *pointing to a headboard* “Do you have this in stock?”

Me: “Give me just one minute, and I can go check that for you.”

Husband: “But before you do that, what is it?”

Wife: “I was wondering that too.”

Me: “It’s a headboard.”

Husband: “But what IS it?”

Me: “It’s a headboard. For your bed. You attach it to the top.”

Wife: “But what does it do?”

Me: “It makes your bed look nice.”

Wife: “But does it DO anything?”

Me: “Makes your bed look pretty?”

Husband: “But WHY?”

Me: “Some people like the added touch.”

Wife: “But why should WE buy it?”

Me: “If you think it would look nice in your room, then it would be a great addition to your decor.”

Wife: “You still haven’t told me what it does.”

Me: “Um, it helps your bed match the color scheme of your room.”

Husband: “What’s a color scheme?”

Wife: “Does that have something to do with carpets?”

Me: “Um…kind of. Carpets, curtains, bedspread, furniture. People generally like them to match. The overall color is called the color scheme.”

Wife: “Oh. I had heard of that, but no one ever told me what it was.”

Husband: “So we would need a real bed for this?”

Me: “Well what do you have?”

Husband: “A futon.”

Me: “A headboard wouldn’t work with that.”

Wife: “So I can’t get this?”

Me: “Well you could, but you wouldn’t be able to use it with your bed.”

Wife: “Why not?”

Me: “It only attaches to a regular mattress bed frame.”

Wife: “Oh. But what does it do?”

Me: “Let me go find someone that can better help you.”

(I ran off to find my manager because I couldn’t contain the laughter anymore. It took her 15 minutes to explain to them what exactly a headboard was, and why you couldn’t use it with a futon. We’re pretty sure they still didn’t really get it.)

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When Employees Lose It

| | Right | May 15, 2008

(I failed to complete a job in an hour for customer. She became upset, so I offered her a refund.)

Me: “I am sorry about this…we became extremely busy as you can see by the 5 people behind you now.”

Rude Woman “Well, how come you didn’t tell me you would be this busy?”

Me: “I seem to have forgotten my crystal ball at home and I am not quite able to tell the future without it.”

Rude Lady “WELL I NEVER. I want your name!”

Rude Me: “Okay ma’am, but you’ll look pretty funny being called Bryan.”

Rude Lady “I want your manager’s name!”

Ruder Me: “Seriously? Sure thing, maybe Rick will suit you better anyway.”

(She took her jewelry and stormed off. I called my boss a few hours later; she had contacted him and I was warned. Well worth it though!)

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