Ah, Mothers, Part 4

| Staffordshire, UK | Right | February 18, 2010

(A lady comes running up to the till almost in tears, screaming that she has lost her daughter. I ask the lady for her daughter’s details. As a rule, we are not allowed to say the child’s name.)

Customer: “Just call her name!”

Me: “We can’t do that. How old is she and what is she wearing?”

Customer: “Just call her name! Please, I just need to find her. She’s lost. She’ll be scared.”

Me: “If you can tell us what she looks like and her age, we can put a call out for her and everybody in store can look out for her.”

Customer: “Just call her name will you! Stop being so cocky!”

Me: “We really aren’t supposed to put out names. If somebody finds your daughter, she is more likely to go off with them if they say her name.”

Customer: “Are you stupid? She is 37 years old! She isn’t going to go off with some stranger!”

 

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Passing It Forward

| A.C.T., Australia | Right | February 17, 2010

Me: “How are you today sir?”

Customer: “Ahhhhh…well, I’m pretty good now!”

Me: “Now?”

Customer: “I’ve just had a horrible stomach ache all day, but I just farted and I feel much better!”

Me: “That’s…nice…”

(The relieved customer leaves, but another customer approaches. They’re unaware of the previous conversation.)

Another customer: “Can you smell something? Do you think it’s the meat? Does it smell off to you?”

Me: “No, miss. I don’t think it’s the meat.”

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The Five-Minute Fan

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Right | February 17, 2010

(At the bookstore where I work, we sell tickets for local events.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like tickets.”

Me: “Alright, for which show?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I heard about it on the radio today, but I can’t remember who it is.”

Me: “Did they say when the concert was?”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: “Was it coming up soon?”

Customer: *shrugs*

Me: “Do you remember anything at all about it?”

Customer: “I think the guy’s name was…” *spews out a couple syllables as he tries to guess a name*

Me: “Is it ***?”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s the one! I want tickets for that show!”

Me: “Unfortunately, that show is tonight, and it’s been sold out for the past week.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “There haven’t been tickets available for a few days now.”

Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ve been waiting ages to go see this show, and now you’re telling me I can’t? This is ridiculous!”

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Was Gonna Say Stupid, But She Already Called It

| Charlotte, NC, USA | Right | February 17, 2010

Caller: *sighs* “Well, I’m glad somebody decided to answer the phone over there. I’ve been trying to get through to you all day, but all I get is a busy signal!”

Me: “Ma’am, the phone has barely rung here all day. Are you sure you were calling the right number?”

Caller: “What? Of COURSE I was! I was calling the number on this here invoice you all sent me last week.”

Me: “I see. Do you mind reading the phone number to me?”

Caller: “It’s 704-366…oh. Now wait a minute. That’s MY number. Well, no wonder I kept getting a busy signal. I’ve been calling myself all day long!”

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Being That Stupid Is Quite A Feet

| Wisconsin, USA | Right | February 17, 2010

Customer: “How big do people usually make fleece blankets?”

Me: “For people under six foot they’re usually 2 1/2 yards, and for over six feet, three yards.”

(The customer is silent for a moment, giving me a confused stare.)

Customer: “I’m just no good with metric yards.”

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