Not Too Hot To Pot

| | Right | November 10, 2009

(I work at a paint-your-own-pottery studio where we fire the ceramics in our own kilns.)

Customer: “How long does it take to get the pottery back?”

Me: “It takes one week, sir.”

Customer: “Well I need my pottery in two days. Can I just take it home and cook it in my oven?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but that won’t work. The pottery needs to be fired in a kiln.”

Customer: “But my oven gets really hot.”

Me: “I’m sure it does sir, but it still won’t work.”

Customer: “But you don’t know hot my oven gets. It gets really, really, hot!”

Me: “Well, sir, we fire our pottery at 1800 degrees Fahrenheit.”

Customer: “Oh.”

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A Tale Of Time Traveling Tune-Ups

| | Right | November 10, 2009

Customer: “Hi, I need to schedule an appointment to test my car. I need it as soon as possible!”

Me: “Okay, let’s see. First available appointment is actually today. Would you like me to put you up for that?”

Customer: “Hmm…I don’t know. I really do need it as soon as possible. Can you check to see if you have anything earlier?”

Me: “Well, first available is today.”

Customer: “I really need it before that.”

Me: “Earlier than today?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Yeah, I don’t see how I could make that happen. Can you maybe tell me which day you would like?”

Customer: “Yesterday?”

Me: “Yesterday?”

Customer: “Yes, that would be great!”

Me: “Sorry, nothing available yesterday. How about tomorrow?”

Customer: “Okay, I guess that’ll do…”

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Faux Naturale

| | Right | November 10, 2009

Me: “Good morning! What can I help you with today?”

Customer: *stares*

Me: “Ma’am, did you need help with something?”

Customer: “How old are you?”

Me: “I just turned 21 this week.”

Customer: “21, eh? You know what I’m going to tell you next, don’t you?”

Me: “Um, drink more?”

Customer: “No! I was gonna tell you to shave your eyebrows! You look all…natural.”

Me: “Oh…thank you?”

Customer: “A girl your age shouldn’t look natural!”

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The Fearsome Foursome

| | Right | November 9, 2009

(Note: I’m taking a drive-thru order.)

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get you today?”

Customer: “I’d like a large coffee with four creams and four sugars in it.”

Me: “That was a large coffee with quadruple cream and sugar?”

Customer: “No, you dumb f***! I wanted a large coffee with four creams and four sugars!”

Me: “Ma’am, quadruple means four.”

Customer: “Oh…”

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Do As I Say, Not While I Stay

| | Right | November 9, 2009

(A hotel guest who has been at our hotel for eight days comes up to the front desk while I am on duty.)

Hotel guest: “Excuse me, I’d like to make an complaint.”

Me: “Of course, ma’am, let me grab a comment card for you and we can discuss the problem to see if we can’t remedy it.”

Hotel guest: “I don’t see how you could fix it, but your maid staff is stupid!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, what was it that was done to cause the problem?”

Hotel guest: “Well, they never cleaned our room! In the whole week, we’ve been here they never once cleaned the room! I’ve had to ask for new towels and new soap every day, and the room is starting to smell!”

(Upon checking her reservation information, I notice a “no service” comment has been put up on all but the first night.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, it does appear that the maid service does recognize that they were never able to come in and clean your room. I know this sounds silly, but there was ever a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign put on your door?”

Hotel guest: “No! I did not put any signs on my door! They came to us so G** D*** early in the morning! We stay out late and have a good time and they are knocking at 10 am to come clean!”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am. That is when their rounds typically start, any time after 9 am. Did they never come back after you asked them to come later?”

Hotel guest: “Oh, yes! They came back at 3 pm, right when I was taking my afternoon nap! Woke me up! They came back around 3 or 4 pm and wanted to clean then! But I was sleeping! Honestly!”

Me: “So, let me make sure I understand you. The housekeeping came two times a day, and both times you sent them away because it was either too early or you were taking a nap…and you are wanting to complain that your room was never cleaned?”

Hotel guest: “Yes! It’s like they didn’t even care about us!”

Me: “Well, I can at least remedy this for the rest of your stay. What time would you prefer housekeeping come to the room?”

Hotel guest: “Oh I don’t know! But not those times!”

(I try for another 30 minutes to come to satisfy the guest, but she gets too upset and storms off. My manager, a great people-pleaser, ends up giving them a free night’s stay for their next trip.)

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