Today, We Are All Roberts

| | Right | March 5, 2008

Me: “Good morning, welcome to *****. My name is July, how can I help you?”

Caller: “I was told I was going to talk with Robert, so you’re Robert.”

Me: “It must have been a mistake. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Well, Robert…”

(Knowing I’m not going to get through to him, I give up. He keeps calling me “Robert” during the whole call.)

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The Art Of Ambiguity

| | Right | March 5, 2008

(A man drops two packs of briefs on the counter).

Me: “Even exchange, sir?”

Man, indignantly: “I need the right size!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Man: “They’re the wrong size!”

Me: “Which ones aren’t the right size?”

Man: “I need the right size!”

Me: “…So you’re returning these?”

Man: “I need the right size!”

(At a loss, I call my coworker over).

Coworker: *looks at the packages* “Even exchange?”

Man: “I need the right size!”

Coworker: “So you’re returning both?”

Man: “Read what it says there.” points at one of the packs*

Me: “Um…Big Men’s Briefs? Size 2X?”

Man: “I need the right size!”

Coworker: “What size do you need, sir?”

Man: “44 to 46!”

Coworker: *checks pack* “That’s what this IS!”

Man: “I need the right size!”

Coworker: “Then you have to go find it. We don’t have it up here.”

Man, bellowing: “This is BULLSH*T! F*ckin’ A**HOLE!”

(Everyone in line falls dead silent).

Me: “So…you are returning these, then?”

Man: “I need the right size!”

Me: “Okay–”

Man: “These don’t fit me! I need briefs that fit! I’m a big guy!”

(We finally figure out that the briefs in the bag weren’t the size marked on the package).

Coworker: “Well, you’ll have to go find another pair then.”

Man: “YOU go find another pair!”

Coworker: “We can’t do that! Go check the aisle!”

Man: “I did already! There aren’t any!”

Coworker: “THEN YOU’LL HAVE TO GO TO ANOTHER STORE!”

Man: “YOU call another store! Find them for me!”

Coworker: *turns to me* “Call another store.”

Me: “I…um…okay, sir, you can sit down over there and we’ll call to you when we find them.”

Man: “Speak up, I can’t understand a word–”

Me: “SIT DOWN AND WE’LL CALL YOU!”

(Our manager walks by. He comes over and gets the guy to agree to just return the briefs).

Manager: “Do you have a receipt?”

Man: “No!”

Manager: “Okay, do you want the money back as store credit or on your charge card?”

Man: “What? Just give me the money!”

Manager: “That’s what I’m trying to do. Store credit or–”

Man: “WHAT? JUST GIVE ME BACK THE MONEY!”

Manager: “Store credit it is.”

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Customer To The Rescue

| | Right | March 4, 2008

(I am currently working in the electronics section of a discount super store, whose favorite color used to be blue, when I am approached by a customer, which is surprising since the state is being hit by a significantly large ice storm.)

Customer #1: “Hi, I’d like to pick up my pictures.”

Me: “Hmm… it seems they aren’t in yet. When did you send them out?”

Customer #1: *very angry* “They were supposed to be in today!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the lab where they are processed is hours away and its too dangerous for the drivers to be out on the roads today.”

Customer #1: “Well, I made it. How come they can’t?”

Me: “Sir, you live on the street behind the building, which is a much shorter and safer distance compared to the over 120 miles the driver would have to drive, especially on roads that not even emergency vehicles won’t go onto.”

Customer #1: “I was told my pictures were going to be back today, and I want them today!”

(I’m about to apologize to the man but am beaten to the punch by the customer behind him…)

Customer #2: “Yeah! You guys should have dog sleds on the side just in case.”

Customer #1: “Don’t be ridiculous!”

Customer #2: *in a very apologetic tone* “I’m sorry, I thought it was my turn to make insane demands.”

Customer #1: *storms off talking to the air about how rude people are*

Customer #2: “That was fun!” *walks away*

(Unfortunately, I never got to thank that second customer. Wherever you are Customer #2, thank you.)

 

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Magical Little Computers

| | Right | March 4, 2008

Caller: “Yes, I would like a room for tonight.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry. We are completely sold out.”

Caller: “Really!? I can’t believe that.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We truly do not have any rooms to sell.”

Caller: “Can I be put on a waiting list?”

Me: “No, we do not do waiting lists.”

Caller: “Who has rooms then?”

Me: “I would try **** and ****. They may still have rooms available.”

Caller: “You mean you don’t know?”

Me: “Um…no. I’m sorry I do not.”

Caller: “Well book me a room at one of those then!”

Me: “Yeah…there is no way for me to do that. I can give you their phone numbers though.”

Caller: “Why can’t you just book them for me? Use your fingers at your little computer and get me a room!”

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Everyone Loves A Cynic

| | Right | March 4, 2008

(I have been cleaning up the magazine section for over an hour, as people leave piles of magazines all over the store rather than buying them or putting them back. Two women approach me as I’m working.)

Woman #1: “Excuse me, didn’t you have chairs here in this section before?”

Me: “Yes we did, but we took them away because this area isn’t monitored as often and it results in a large mess and damaged products.”

Woman #2, after leaving a pile of magazines on the floor: “Oh, so you mean you got lazy.”

(I try hard to not roll up a magazine and bop her on the head with it.)

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