At Least It’s Hands-Free Now

| Oslo, Norway | Right | September 7, 2010

Caller: “My phone isn’t working.”

Me: “No problem. I can help you with that.”

Caller: “Good. I hate these things.”

Me: “Sir, can you locate the power button on the top of your mobile, hold it in for 10 seconds, and then release?”

(The customer is quiet, and then I hear a crash.)

Me: “What happened?”

Caller: “I did what you told me to do. Hold the button for 10 seconds and then release the phone.”

Me: “No, I meant release the button, not the whole phone.”

Caller: “Well, if it wasn’t broken earlier, it sure is now!”

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Not Quite An Eggs-pert

| St Paul, MN, USA | Right | September 6, 2010

Me: “Oh, what kind of pet do you have?

Customer: “Parakeets. I think one of them is pregnant. I saw them having sex the other day.”

Me: “Birds don’t get pregnant, they lay eggs. In fact, I used to have a female parakeet that would lay eggs all the time.”

Customer: “Did they ever hatch?”

Me: “No, she lived by herself, so they weren’t fertilized.”

Customer: “Oh, is that what the male is for?”

 

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Acting Flippantly

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Right | September 6, 2010

Me: “Thanks you for calling [wireless phone company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “You guys sent me a phone but it has no buttons, this is unbelievable! What kind of monkeys do you have working there that you don’t notice your phones have no buttons?”

(I pull up the information and immediately see the problem.)

Me: “You said the phone has no buttons correct?”

Customer: “Well, it has a couple but not the buttons with numbers!”

Me: “Okay, sir, Do you see that large crack down the middle of the phone?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, sir. Pull on either side it will flip open.”

Customer: “Oh, there they are. It does have buttons. How’d you do that?”

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Finding Emo

| Georgia, USA | Right | September 6, 2010

(At my theater our uniforms are all black. I am tearing tickets when two teenage girls walk up. They are looking around very confused.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: *looking lost* “Do you work here?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: Oh! We thought you were just goth.”

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Killing One Cold Bird With Two Stores

| Melbourne, Australia | Right | September 6, 2010

Customer: *throws bag of food at me* “It’s f***ing cold! Your chicken is terrible and the bun is stale!”

Me: “Uh, this is–”

Customer: “No, shut up! You guys always f*** me over, you’re not getting away with it today!”

Me: “You didn’t–”

Customer: “Fine! Get your manager, if you won’t help me. Enjoy being fired, a**wipe!”

Another customer: “You’re at [fast food outlet], mate. You bought your food from [rival store], next door.”

Customer: “Oh.” *awkward silence* “Can I have that bag back?”

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