Judging Helps You To (Ac)Quit Unhealthy Eating

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Right | March 23, 2010

(A woman comes into my cashier line with a single bag of chips.)

Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: “You rang me up last time! Don’t judge me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “You’re judging me! Stop judging me!”

Me: “Ma’am, I was just asking if you found everything.”

Customer: “Stop judging me!” *begins gasping hysterically*

Manager: “Ma’am, how can I assist you? What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “She’s judging me! She’s going to call my husband!”

Me: “Ma’am, I have no idea who your husband is. I won’t be calling him.”

Customer: “You rang me up last time and now you’re judging me!”

Manager: “What did she say to you?”

Customer: “Nothing! But she knows I bought these chips yesterday!”

Me: “Ma’am, I may have rung you up yesterday, but I don’t recall doing so. I handle hundreds of transactions.”

Customer: “You’re lying! You know I bought these chips and you know that I’ve eaten the whole bag already and you’re going to call my husband! I was going to sneak these into the house so he wouldn’t know I’d finished the bag but you’re judging me!”

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Repetition Is The Mother Of Stupidity

| Cornwall, UK | Right | March 22, 2010

(I am serving ice cream on the beach.)

Me: “Hello, what would you like?”

Customer: “Have you got any icecream icecream?”

Me: “No, but we do have icecream icecream icecream.”

Customer: “Oh, really? That’s exactly what I was looking for!”

 

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To Keel A Chicken Bird

| USA | Right | March 22, 2010

Customer: “I’d like a piece of white meat.”

Me: “Would you like a rib or a keel?”

Customer: “What’s a keel?”

Me: “The center cut of the best, the middle bone is the sternum.”

Customer: “What, no that’s dark meat. The sternum is in the back of the animal.”

Me: “In chickens, they have an elongated sternum for their wing muscles.”

Customer: “I know every bone in the human body! The sternum is in the back!”

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Tries To Put His Foot Down But Just Draws Blanks

| Vermont, USA | Right | March 22, 2010

Customer: “I need a card.”

Me: “Ok, what kind of card are you looking for?”

Customer: “It’s for my brother-in-law. He just had his foot amputated.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. We have ‘get well soon’ cards right here.”

Customer: “Well, he’s not really going to get better, is he?”

Me: “Well, we do have sympathy cards over there.”

Customer: “I don’t really like him.”

Me: “What about a blank card? You could write your own message?”

Customer: “You mean a card with nothing in it?”

Me: “Yes, that’s what blank cards are.”

Customer: “Well I’m not paying for that!” *leaves*

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Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2

| Boston, MA, USA | Right | March 22, 2010

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “You’ve got an accent.”

Me: “Yeah, I’ve heard that. I’m not from here.”

Customer: “You’re American?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m from upstate New York.”

Customer: “But American, right? You’ve got a visa? You need one to work here?”

Me: “No, I don’t have a visa–”

Customer: “Holy s***! You’re illegal? They know you’re illegal here?”

Me: “I’m not illegal. I’m from upstate New York, near Canada.”

Customer: “Oh, if you’re from Canada, you’re not really illegal then. Canada’s like America, just different. Welcome to our country. I’m looking for a book. You probably only read books in Canadian, but I can help you with the language and you can find me a book here.”

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