Make The Seat-Save Run In Less Than 12 Parsecs

Houston, TX, USA | Right | November 1, 2010

(This is at a midnight showing when a new Star Wars movie was released.)

Me: "When the doors open please go in and take your seats. You will not be allowed to save seats for people further back in line."

(Customer waves his hand in the air like a Jedi.)

Customer: "You will let us save seats."

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The Great Emancipator Died Sooner Than Later

| Washington, DC, USA | Right | November 1, 2010

(I work at a historic site from the American Civil War. I am talking to a 7-year old child.)

Small Child: “Who shot President Lincoln?”

Me: “He was shot by a Southern sympathizer named John Wilkes Booth.”

Small Child: “But why did he want to kill the president?”

Me: “Well, the North and the South were at war, and Booth thought that if he killed President Lincoln, it might help the South win.”

Small Child: “Oh…so were you here when it happened?”

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Ear-Waxing Lyrical About Bad Service

| London, UK | Right | November 1, 2010

Customer: “I’ve come to pick up my prescription.”

Me: “Oh I’m really sorry, due to extenuating circumstances we don’t have a pharmacist at the moment so legally I can’t give out any prescriptions. But if you wait 5 minutes, a replacement pharmacist will be here and then you can take it.”

Customer: “But I need it. Give it to me!”

Me: “I understand your problem but I would be breaking the law if I gave it to you.”

Customer: “I work in the pharmaceutical industry and I know for a fact you are lying! Give it to me now!”

(The pharmacist arrives and I explain the problem.)

Pharmacist: “I’m really sorry for the inconvenience but my colleague was right, there was nothing she could do. But now that I’m here, you can take your prescription.”

Customer: “You’re colleague is a cruel, moral-less b**** with the intelligence of a moron. She has endangered my life! I shall take this to court and win!” *storms out*

Me: *to pharmacist* “What was in her prescription?”

Pharmacist: “Drops for excessive ear wax.”

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Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself

| Oslo, Norway | Right | November 1, 2010

(I am working as a barista in a small coffee shop in a mall, located right next to the escalators. There’s a large window between the shop and the escalators, so I can see people going up and down. I’m having a very good day and making espresso when all of the sudden the escalators stop. A very stressed woman comes running around the corner, looking very angry.)

Customer: *waving with both hands* “Will you stop that!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Oh my God! I have my shopping cart in the escalators and it’s my sons birthday! Turn it back on!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t fix the escalator. There will probably be a service man her any minute.”

Customer: “I saw you pressing the buttons on that machine!” *points to the espresso machine* “You were laughing and then the escalator stopped. And now my son is stuck. It’s his birthday!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is an espresso machine. It makes coffee. I laughed because I’m in a good mood. There will be someone her soon to–”

Customer: “Then make another coffee, and start it again! And wipe that smile off your face!”

 

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Sinfully Delicious

| Savannah, GA, USA | Right | November 1, 2010

(This bakery is a vintage style, family owned bakery with custom names for each product.)

Customer: "As a man of the cloth, I know this is a weird order. But could I get a Hazel Feelgood and a Drunk Blondie?"

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