Not A Chance In (Convention) Hall

| | Right | January 13, 2010

Customer: “So the next convention in Sydney is THIS Thursday?”

Me: “Yes, sir. Would you like me to register you?”

Customer: “Ah, well, Thursday isn’t really going to work for me. Could you move the convention to Friday instead?”

Me: “I’m afraid that we have already booked the venue and the speakers and planned everything for Thursday. It’s a little late to consider changing the date, especially since we have around 70 people booked for this particular seminar.”

Customer: “So…no chance at all then?”

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Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4

| | Right | January 13, 2010

Me: “Welcome to [company], how can I help you today?”

Customer: “My internet is broken. This is so ridiculous! This happened two weeks ago. Your company is to blame and I am not happy!”

(The customer supplies their account details.)

Me: “Okay, so I’ve just run a quick test on your connection here and I can see that it is logged in, you say that you just cannot get any connection on your computer?”

Customer: “Yes! I’m getting ‘No Signal’. This is so ridiculous!”

(I go through roughly 20 minutes of troubleshooting, with the customer getting more and more angry the whole time.)

Customer: “It’s broken and it’s all your fault! It keeps saying ‘Check Signal Cable’ and it won’t go away!”

Me: “It says ‘Check Signal Cable’?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s what I said!”

Me: “Ma’am, is your computer plugged into your monitor?”

Customer: “Of course it…oh…” *click*

 

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SkyNet: The Early Years

| | Right | January 13, 2010

(Note: I’m making calls to let people know that the movies they reserved are in.)

Me: “Hi there, this is Sarah from

. I’m just calling to let you know the movie you reserved is now in if you’d like to come pick it up.”

Customer: “Oh, for Pete’s sake. These stupid f***ing recordings! I can’t believe even friggin

has them now. You hear that, you stupid f***ing robot? YOU F***ING PIECE OF ROBOT S***!

Me: “Um…sir? I am an actual person.”

Customer: *hangs up*

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Power Struggle

| | Right | January 12, 2010

(A customer calls in complaining how his service is out.)

Me: “Are there lights on your modem?

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Can you check to see if the power cable is plugged in, or the power turned on?”

Caller: “I am standing knee-deep in water and you want me to check for a power cable?!”

(It turns out he had been calling from an area that had been hit by a hurricane.)

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Stupidity You Can Bank On

| | Right | January 12, 2010

Me: “Hello, this is [Bank] how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I deposited money through your ATM machine yesterday and it still isn’t showing up in my account.”

Me: “Okay, sir, can I just get the card number from the ATM card that you used to make the deposit.”

Customer: “I didn’t use a card.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, I might have misunderstood. Did you make your deposit into the ATM or the night drop box?”

Customer: “No, I put it into your machine but I didn’t use a card. I didn’t need one.”

Me: “Sir, I still don’t understand how you could have made your deposit into the ATM without using a card. Could you please describe the steps you went through?”

Customer: “I drove up to the machine, filled out an envelope and stuffed it into the little door that said deposit but I didn’t use no card.”

Me: “Sir, the deposit door on the machine will not open without a card. How exactly did you put the envelope in?”

Customer: “Whoever designed those machines is a freaking moron. I couldn’t figure out how to open the little door so I got my pocket knife out and pried the door open. Then I stuffed the envelope with my deposit in there as best I could and drove away!”

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