The Outer Limits Of Entertainment

| | Right | July 21, 2009

Customer: “Two for ‘Ice Age’, please.”

Me: “No problem. Did you want the 3-D showing at 2:15, or the regular, 2-D showing at 2:50?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “…thirty-five minutes, and a dimension.”

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Tasteless And Pointless

| | Right | July 21, 2009

(I’m giving out free samples of Norfolk apple juice that we sell. There are several different flavors.)

Me: “Hello, Madam. Would you like to try some of our apple juice?”

Customer: “Oh, yes please!”

(The lady samples each one several times, making “Mmm!” sounds.)

Customer: “Well, I must admit they were very nice.”

Me: “Good! Which one was your favorite?”

Customer: “I couldn’t tell you dear, I lost my sense of taste and smell years ago.” *walks off*

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Happy PTLBOTT Day!

| | Right | July 21, 2009

(I work at a restaurant outside a national park. Our busiest season is the fall, when the leaves change.)

Me: “[Restaurant], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, are you outside?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m in an office. Is there anything I can do for you?”

Caller: “Well, do you know when the leaves change out there?”

Me: “Yes, they’re changing now. They’re very beautiful.”

Caller: “What?! We missed it!”

Me: “No, ma’am, the leaves aren’t done changing.”

Caller: “Well, we live in New York and won’t be able to make it there today. What day do they change back?”

Me: “Um…they don’t change back. They fall, like the season.”

Caller: “Well, when do you put them back on the tree?”

Me: *gives up* “Er…’Put The Leaves Back On The Trees’ day?”

Caller: “Oh, thank you!”

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Customers Of A Feather Flock Together

| | Right | July 20, 2009

(While working at the cutting counter of my fabric store, I caught the tail end of a conversation between two older women.)

Customer #1: “Well, I feel sorry for America. The majority of people are just so d*** ignorant!”

Customer #2: “Yes, I completely agree with you…”

(Customer #1 spots some fabric in our clearance section.)

Customer #1: “Oooh, it’s SHINY!”

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They Grow Up (And Get Incarcerated) So Fast…

| | Right | July 20, 2009

(An older woman walks up to the electronics desk and addresses me.)

Customer: “I’d like to buy Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.”

Me: “Is this a gift for someone?”

Customer: “Yes, this is for my 4-year-old grandson.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, just to let you know, this game has been rated ‘M’ for Mature, and has a lot of violence, profanity, drug use, and sexual content.”

Customer: “That’s okay, he’s already been exposed to all that…”

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