Not Seeing Or Believing

| Wichita, KS, USA | Right | April 16, 2010

Customer:  “Something’s wrong with my vision.  I’m not seeing well at all.”

Me: “Did this happen suddenly, or gradually?”

Customer:  “When I woke up this morning, everything is blurry!”

(I look up her file, and see that she had had an exam and purchased glasses in the previous month.)

Me:  “So, even with your new glasses, everything is blurry?”

Customer:  “Well, no.  It’s fine with my glasses on.  But I have worn them for a whole month!  Shouldn’t my eyes be better by now?”

Me:  “Ma’am, the glasses make your vision better, but only if you are wearing them.”

Customer: “What kind of a quack doctor do you have there? Thanks for nothing!”

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Not Seeing The Forest For The Greasy Trees

| Birmingham, AL, USA | Right | April 16, 2010

(I’m working the concession stand, and a customer has just ordered a jumbo popcorn.)

Customer: “Is that real butter in the squirty thing?”

Me: “It’s vegetable oil with artificial butter flavoring.”

Customer: “Okay, gimme some of that.”

Me: *squirting some butter* “There you go. Can I get you anything else?”

Customer: “Little more, please?”

Me: *squirt* “How’s that?”

Customer: “Keep going. I’ll say when.”

(I keep squirting until there’s about two inches of yellow oil in the bottom of the tub. The popcorn is starting to float out the top.)

Customer: “Okay, that’s good.”

Me: “Alright, then. Is there anything else you’d like today?”

Customer: “Lemme have a Diet Coke. A small one. I’m trying to watch my weight.”

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At The Corner Of Me & Myself

| Exeter, UK | Right | April 15, 2010

Customer: “I’m looking for a taxi in my town please.”

Me: “Okay. Where are you, sir?”

Customer: “In my living room.”

Me: “Which town are you in in?”

Customer: “The junction by the nursing home.”

Me: “No…which town are you in, please?”

Customer: “You’re not very bright, are you?”

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Barking Up The Wrong Tree

| Southampton, UK | Right | April 15, 2010

Me: “Good morning, [game store] how can I help?”

Caller: “Can you tell me what’s coming out over the next three weeks?”

Me: “Which format would you like, sir?”

Caller: “All of them.”

Me: “You want all the releases for all the formats for the next three weeks?”

Caller: “YES!”

Me: “Okay… on PS2, we’ve got Yakuza–”

Caller: “Boring.”

Me: “Um…we’ve also got The Godfather–”

Caller: “That sounds rubbish.”

Me: “Um…there’s Reservoir Dogs next week–”

Caller: “I don’t even LIKE dogs. Why would I play that?!” *hangs up*

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A Hole In His Logic, Among Other Things

| Columbus, OH, USA | Right | April 15, 2010

Customer: “The Swiss cheese I bought last week didn’t have any holes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Sometimes when we get to the end of a block of cheese, there aren’t many holes in it.”

Customer: “Well, can I get my money back?”

Me: “Did you bring the cheese back?”

Customer: “No. I ate it.”

Me: “Did it taste okay?”

Customer: “Yes, it tasted fine.”

Me: “I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “BUT IT DIDN’T HAVE ANY HOLES!”

Me: “Let me get my manager…”

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