Pissing Against The Wind Is An Art Form

, , | | Right | November 9, 2007

Customer #1: “Two for American Gangster. We have 2 free passes.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but that movie just opened today and it isn’t currently accepting passes. To use these I’ll have to charge you $1.50 upgrade per ticket.”

Customer #1: “That’s ridiculous. It doesn’t say that anywhere on it.”

Me: *pointing to where it says that* “I’m sorry, sir, but it does. I’ll have to charge you the $3.”

Customer #2: “But we came early so we knew you wouldn’t sell out! Why can’t you just give it to us?”

Me: “I’m sorry but its a corporate policy. I cannot give anyone a free pass to this movie, not even employees. It’s not even an option on the computer.”

Customer #1: *mumbles under his breath while he reaches for his wallet*

Customer #2: “We shouldn’t have to pay $3 to see the movie! If there’s more than 25 people in there I’m going to report you to a manager!”

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Hopeless

, , | | Right | November 9, 2007

(A customer comes up behind my counter just as I am about to serve another customer.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but why isn’t this WA Salvage?”

Me: “Because all the WA Salvages closed down and we bought the building.”

Customer: “So where’s the nearest one?”

Me: “Uh, they’ve all been bought out.”

Customer I was serving: “Mate, there aren’t anymore. They all closed down!”

Customer: “So wheres the nearest one?”

(I gave him a bad look, turned around, and continued serving the original customer)

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You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

| | Right | November 9, 2007

(A local officer picks this woman up off the street for public intoxication. He brings her to the jail to be booked in.)

Me: “Ma’am, please move over to the counter.”

Woman: “I don’t want to order anything, I’m not hungry.”

Me: “Ma’am, I need to remove the handcuffs and search you.”

Woman: “I don’t own any handcuffs.”

Me: “Ma’am, do you know where you are?”

Woman: “Yeah, at the store but I don’t like what you have done with it.”

Me: “How much have you had to drink tonight?”

Woman: “OH, I don’t drink. I’m a dietitian!”

Me: *furrows eyebrows* “Do you mean diabetic?”

Woman: “Whatever. I doesn’t… er … didn’t drink anything but some orange juice… The bottle is in my purse.”

(I opened her purse and found not only the bottle with OJ in it but an empty bottle of vodka. The OJ in the bottle was almost see through, she had so much Vodka in it.)

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Third Time’s A Charm

, | | Right | November 8, 2007

(Our mall opens at ten, so the restaurant does not serve breakfast.)

Customer: *gazes at menu board* “I’d like a [Breakfast Sandwich], please.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, we don’t serve breakfast at this location.”

(Customer, still gazing at menu, which lists no breakfast items.)

Customer: “Well, can I get an order of [Breakfast Platter]?”

Me: “Ma’am, we do not serve breakfast here since we can’t open before ten.”

(Customer ceases looking at menu board gazes at me for a moment.)

Customer: “You don’t serve breakfast?”

Me: “Uh… no.”

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Someone Needs A Trip To The Warhol Museum

, , | | Right | November 8, 2007

(Note: this customer is yelling at me over something stupid in the first place…)

Customer: *pause* “Who is that on your shirt?”

Me: *slightly taken aback by the change in subject* “Ernesto “Che” Guevara.”

Customer: “Who is that?”

Me: “A Cuban revolutionary.”

Customer: “My husband is Cuban… Would he know about that guy?”

Me: “Yeah.”

(Customer calls her husband and talks to him for a second)

Customer: “My husband says he is a communist. Are you a communist?!”

Me: “Only on paper, ma’am.”

Customer: *blink blink* “I don’t get it!”

Me: “I didn’t think you would.”

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