A Leaf Blower And An Acetylene Torch Should Do The Trick

, | | Right | June 4, 2008

Customer: “Hi, do you sell hair dryers?”

Me: “Um, this is a hardware store.”

Customer: “Yes, yes, I know that. Do you sell them?”

Me: “No, we sell hardware here. But I’m sure the Target up the road sells hair dryers.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll just look around a bit.”

(About ten minutes later…)

Customer: “You could have TOLD me you only sold tools and nails here, BEFORE I wasted my time. Now I’ll have to go to Target!”

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I Can So See This On Broadway

, | | Right | June 4, 2008

(I’m hurrying to the bathroom as an Asian couple starts flailing at me.)

Me: “How can I he–”

Customers: “FAXMACHEEEEE!”

Me: “A fax machine?”

Male Customer: “FAXMACHEEEEEE!”

Me: “Okay… well, if you follow me over here, I’ll show you what we have.”

(I lead the customer over to the single fax machine that we carried at that point.)

Female Customer: *staring at me confused* “FAXMACHEEE?!”

Me: “Yes, that’s a fax machi–”

Male Customer: “FAXMACHEEE?!”

Me: “Are you trying to ask if we carry any other fax machines?”

Male Customer: *stares blankly at me for a few moments*

Female Customer: *nods frantically* “FAXMACHEEEE!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this is the only one we carry currently.”

Male Customer: “… faxmachee?” *hangs head and walks away with female customer*

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Me Customer, Me Hungry

, | | Right | June 4, 2008

(A new delivery driver mistakenly delivered the wrong pizza. This is the phone call I got about it, as the manager on duty.)

Customer: “Hi, I ordered a pizza from you guys a while ago, and they delivered the wrong one.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! What was your order?”

Customer: “Mushrooms and green onions… the one we got had sausage. We can’t eat sausage! We’re vegetarians!”

Me: “Okay, do you still have the pizza? We can come by and switch them for you.”

Customer: “No, we ate it.”

Me: “You ate it?”

Customer: “Yes! Now, I’d like to get my money back. It was the wrong pizza.”

Me: “So… you want me to give you your money back… for a pizza you already ate.”

Customer: “Well we didn’t LOOK at it, we just ate it.”

(Eventually we settled the deal by giving the customer some in-store credit. Who doesn’t look at a pizza before they start shoveling it into their mouths?)

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Insert Sex Euphemism Here

| | Right | June 4, 2008

(I get a lot of funny calls, and most of the time, I can stay calm and professional through the call. This is the only one I’ve had where I needed to hit the ‘mute’ button. Thankfully, he was talking about the website–I eventually needed to dispatch a tech.)

Me: “Thanks for calling Internet Tech Support, Emily speaking.”

Customer: “Yeah, I was looking at this porn site, and now I can’t get it up anymore.”

Me: “…”

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Old Dames Have The Best Backhands

| | Right | June 3, 2008

Old Lady: “And how old are you, about sixteen?”

Me: “I’m twenty-seven years old, ma’am.”

Old Lady: “But… you’re so pretty!”

Me: “Er, thanks.”

(I guess I should try harder to look ugly from now on.)

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