It’s The Thought Of The Thought That Counts

| Right | April 7, 2009

(A customer was buying some fancy wrapping paper. They placed it on the counter to buy and this exchange occurred.)

Customer: “Can you be really careful folding this up?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: “Actually, can you roll it up? And wrap a bit of tissue paper around it?”

Me: “OK…”

Customer: “And can you wrap another piece of gift wrap around it?”

Me: “Er…OK.” *pause* “So you want me to gift wrap your gift wrap?”

Customer: “Precisely!”

Me: “…”

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Nature: Not OSHA Compliant

| | Right | April 7, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me…how deep is the water?”

Me: “Um…you mean the ocean?”

Customer: “Yes. How deep is it?”

Me: “I’m not quite sure what you mean.”

Customer: “HOW DEEP IS THE WATER?!”

Me: “It’s the ocean, ma’am.”

Customer: “OK, well, how deep is the deepest part?”

Me: “Very, very deep.”

Customer: “Can I touch the bottom?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “That’s not safe.”

Me: “It’s much shallower near the shore. It gets deeper the farther out you go.”

Customer: “That is definitely not safe. You should fix that.”

Me: “I’ll tell my boss.”

Customer: “Thanks.” *walks away*

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The Good Excuses Have All Dried Up

| | Right | April 7, 2009

(This phone call happened a month after hurricane Ike came through, and one of our clients missed his court date.)

Me: “Sir, why did you miss your court date?”

Client: “I’m not going back to jail! I missed court because I’m not back from the evaporation yet.”

Me: “Uh…what?”

Client: “I had to evaporate up north.”

Me: “…really? Evaporate? How did you do that? Was it painful?”

Client: “No! We rode a bus! What don’t you understand about having to evaporate?! I’m not going back to jail!”

Me: *sigh*

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Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 4

| | Right | April 7, 2009

Customer: “Yes, I’ll have a beer and my wife will have a diet cola.”

Me: “Sir, we have over 80 beers to choose from. Did you know which one you wanted? Maybe I can make a suggestion for you.”

Customer: “Just bring me whatever you like.”

Me: *returns with beer* “Here you are, sir.”

Customer: “This isn’t what I ordered! Let me speak to your manager.”

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “This little a**hole brought me a beer I didn’t ask for.”

Manager: “What did you order? I’ll go get one for you.”

Customer: “I said to bring me whatever it is he drinks.”

Manager & me: “…”

Customer: “Oh…”

 

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It’s Okay, Let’s Find Some Toddlers

| | Right | April 7, 2009

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I am looking for some dog food that is not animal tested.”

Me: “Ma’am, all food made for animals has to be tested by animals. It’s dog food!”

Customer: “You have got to be kidding me! Let me talk to your manager!”

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