Sorry I Asked

| | Right | June 5, 2008

(I notice an older woman and her twenty-something long-haired son struggling to find a certain brush in our hair care aisle.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything?”

Mother: “Help me? Help ME? The only way you could help me is to make my Fabio son over here stop dating thirteen year old girls!”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

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Hopefully, She Got The House

| | Right | June 5, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”

Guest: “Hi, yes, I’m calling because your hotel charged our credit card twice?”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, if I can have your name, I’ll look you up in the computer and we can get this straightened out.”

Guest: *morphs into an uber-witch in 3 seconds flat* “Straightened out? D**n right you’re going to get this straightened out! You charged enough for that crappy little room, I’ll be d**ned if we’re paying for it twice! My husband works too hard for his money to be charged double for something like this! There wasn’t even a BAR there!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but if I can just have your name and the date you stayed–”

Guest: “That’s just IT! I was charged on two separate DATES. My name is _______ and my husband and I stayed there on June 9th. There’s another charge on there for the 17th, I want this fixed!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I understand, ma’am. I’m looking now, ma’am… okay, I see the problem. You did stay here on the 9th of June. I’m showing that someone by the name of [husband] stayed on the 17th.”

(There’s dead silence for a moment, and then whispering.)

Guest: “What?”

(At this point my stomach falls into my shoes, because I can hear her mind ticking away, and I know something she doesn’t: another name is listed on the screen with her husband’s for the June 17th stay, and it’s NOT HERS.)

Me: “Um… ma’am?”

Guest: “I see. You’ve been very helpful.”

Me: “Thank you ma’am. Can I help you with anything else today–”

(At this moment the woman drops the phone but does not hang up, and I hear her begin to scream at someone, swearing in combos I never would have thought up. I hang up quickly and try to go about my business, making a note of it to tell my boss. Then I get another phone call…)

Me: “Thank you for calling, how–”

Guest’s husband: “I want to talk to your manager, you stupid little b**ch! You dumb little c**t, you probably just cost me my marriage and I am going to sue your s**thole hotel for every penny it’s worth! Do you hear me? Do you?!”

Me: *click*

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

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One Track Rind

| | Right | June 5, 2008

Customer: “Yes, I’d like 20 slices.”

Me: “Would you like that thinly or regularly sliced, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, 20 slices.”

Me: “Okay, and how would you like your 20 slices sliced, ma’am?”

Customer: “20 slices.”

Me: “Ma’am, would you like those slices THIN or REGULAR?”

Customer: “Yes, 20 slices.”

Me: “Alright, regular it is.”

 

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Cancun, Oahu, Same Difference

| | Right | June 5, 2008

(Standing in line behind a tourist, while she is getting rung up.)

Cashier: “Aloha, how are you today?”

Tourist: “Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t speak Spanish. Could you talk in English please?”

Cashier: “Hello, how are you today?”

Tourist: “Fine, we just flew here from America today.”

(The cashier rings up the tourist’s few items.)

Cashier: “That will be twenty five dollars and eighty five cents.”

Tourist: “Do you take American money here? I only have American money. I have not been able to get to the currency exchange yet.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, we are in the United States. We take dollars here.”

Tourist: “Oh really? You take this money?” *holds up her $20 bill*

Cashier: “Yes, ma’am, those are dollars, and being a US state we do accept those.”

Tourist: “Well that’s very nice of you to accept foreign money.”

Cashier: *puzzled* “Mahalo, have a great day!”

Tourist: *under her breath* “I told her I didn’t speak Spanish!”

 

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Righteousness And Hyprocisy, Sitting In A Tree

| | Right | June 4, 2008

(I was ringing this ladies order up and the entire order consisted of chicken, pork chops, t-bones and rib eyes.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Your total is going to be [over $200].”

Customer: “Now before I pay you, I have to say something…”

Me: “Okay?”

Customer: “I know this has no reflection on you and you more than likely can’t do anything about it, but ***** has no right to sell live animals.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am.”

(I start chuckling a little. We only sell live gold fish as feeder fish for people’s piranhas and Oscars.)

Customer: “Well, what on earth can be so funny about me saying that?”

Me: “Weeelllll, you really had no problem buying the dead animals we sell.”

Customer: “As a charter member of PETA, I resent everything you just said to me. Not only does this store sell live animals, but it sells dead ones too?”

Me: “Well, yes, ma’am. We sell pork, chicken, beef, bison, and several different types of fish.”

Customer: “And you see no problem with this?!”

Me: “Well you see, ma’am, as a card carrying member of the NRA, the only problem I can see is that they don’t also offer to cook it for me too.”

(She stormed off without ever paying for her stuff. My manager wound up writing me up for being less than courteous.)

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