(Telepathic) Help Wanted

| | Right | November 24, 2007

Customer: “I’m looking for that movie.”

Me: “We have lots of movies, can I help narrow it down?”

Customer: “No, I want it full sized.”

Me: “I meant, what can you tell me about the movie?”

Customer: “Isn’t it YOUR job to tell ME about the movie?”

Me: “Well, I’ll tell you everything I know about the movie as soon as you tell me which movie you’re looking for.”

Customer: “If I knew which movie I was looking for, wouldn’t I have found it by now? Jeez, the people they hire these days.”

(Customer storms out)

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Miss Impossible

| | Right | November 23, 2007

(Two days before Thanksgiving, people are picking up their orders of turkeys. One customer placed an order late, for a 20 lb. fresh Butterball. We didn’t get many of those, so I reserved a 20 lb. fresh “other” turkey.)

Me: “Well, I do have a previously frozen Butterball that a customer changed their mind on. It’s pretty much thawed out, you could have that.”

Customer: “No, my mother won’t eat frozen turkey.”

Me: “Well, then take the fresh one.”

Customer: “My mother only eats Butterball.”

Me: “This is a Butterball, and since you have to thaw it anyway to cook it, why not take the Butterball?”

Customer: “She won’t eat frozen turkeys.”

Me: “We still have small fresh Butterballs, why not take two of them?”

Customer: “No, my mother is making a turkey too, and I don’t want to have three of them.”

Me: *exasperated*

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Note: Still Needs To Discover Fire And The Wheel

| | Right | November 23, 2007

(Ten years ago, I was working for a company selling computerized cash registers. A customer called in to help me with a cash register that didn’t connect to the back office computer)

Me: “So, can you tell me the settings of the DIP switches on the cash register?”

Customer: “DIP switch?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, the small switches located on the backside.”

Customer: “Eeeerrr…there are no switches there.”

Me: “Oh, yes, there are. Right next to the power cord.”

Customer: “No. There are no switches. Not any more!”

Me: *puzzled* “Huh? Not any more? What do you mean?”

Customer: “Well, you know, my colleague told me that these switches might actually be what caused the problem, so I removed them.”

Me: “REMOVED THEM??”

Customer: “Yeah, you know, removed them. With a chisel.”

Source

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Why Can’t You Be Omniscient?!

| | Right | November 23, 2007

Customer: “Do other places besides Disney sell Disney tickets?”

Me: “I believe so, but I only have information about the tickets we sell.”

Customer: “How much do other places charge?”

Me: “I don’t have any information on other ticket resellers.”

Customer: “Is it cheaper if I buy tickets somewhere else?”

Me: “Sir, I don’t know anything about other places, only Disney.”

Customer: “Will they add the no expiration option for me?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Customer: “Can you give me names and contact information for other ticket places?”

Me: “Sir, I can only help you if you wish to purchase tickets directly from Disney.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you’re being unhelpful!”

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Kids, This Is Why You Stay In School

, | | Right | November 23, 2007

Customer: “I’d like 5 pork chops, wrapped in twos.”

Me: “Do you mean two packages?”

Customer: “No, I want 5 pork chops, wrapped in twos.”

Me: *blank stare*

Customer: *heavy sigh* “5 chops, wrapped 2, 2 and 1. See, wrapped in twos.”

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