Fowl Behavior

| | Right | April 16, 2008

(I work in an upscale grocery store deli. Sometimes we run out of rotisserie chickens before the next batch is done cooking. A woman comes up to the counter holding a grocery basket.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Do you have any chickens?”

Me: “I’m sorry but it looks like we are out right now. It’s going to be about 10 to 15 minutes.”

Customer: *throws her basket down onto the floor hard enough that it slides about 7 feet and quickly stomps out the nearest door*

Me: “!?”

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Must Be From Orange County

| | Right | April 15, 2008

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “What time does the island close?”

Me: “Close? It doesn’t close. It isn’t like Disneyland, sir. People live here.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me. I’ve been walking around, and those houses are too small for anyone to live in.”

Me: “Sir, I live in one of those houses.”

Customer’s wife: “No, honey, she can’t break character.” *winks at me* “I get it.”

Customer: “But really, when do you close?”

Me: “I’m not ‘in character.’ This is an actual town, with actual people living in it. It doesn’t close.”

Customer’s wife: “Don’t treat us like we’re children, just tell us when.”

Me: *sigh* “5 o’clock, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

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At Least She Was Honest

| | Right | April 15, 2008

(I get a service call to go out to a customer’s house to service a malfunctioning laptop. I was talking to my boss and he gave me the run down of the call.)

Me: “Alright, so what exactly does the customer want?”

Supervisor: “She says her laptop isn’t turning on, and there might be something wrong with her LCD screen.”

Me: “Ok, sounds like a hardware problem. Did she tell you why all this is going on?”

Supervisor: “Well…she was completely honest with me.”

Me: “?”

Supervisor: “She got angry and threw it against a concrete wall in a fit of rage.”

Me: “…I’ll take care of it.”

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The Less They Know, The Better

| | Right | April 15, 2008

(The customer decides to buy two children’s face towels, one for each child. They are $3.50 each, but you can get three for $7.00.)

Me: “Just so you know, you can get three towels for $7.”

Customer: “No thanks.”

Me: “You are paying $7 anyway, since they’re $3.50 each…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Essentially, if you buy two, you get a third one free!”

Customer: “Free?”

Me: “Yeah, one for yourself!”

Customer: “I don’t want one!”

Me: “Well, it’s an extra one for the kids, or you can give it away, or give it to me.” *I laugh lightly*

Customer: “If I get three, I’ll have to get a fourth, or the kids will fight.”

Me: “Ah, you can get a fourth one for only $2.33, because you get the discount if you buy three or more.”

Customer: “But you said the third one is free!”

Me: “It’s essentially free. When you get three or more, you’re actually paying $2.33 for each one, instead of $3.50. It works out the same.”

Customer: “So I’m paying for it, even though it’s free?”

Me: “The deal is actually three for $7, seven divided by three is $2.33; you end up paying only $2.33 for each one instead of $3.50.”

Customer: “Whoa, so the first two are $3.50, the third one is free, and the fourth one is $2.33?”

Me: “You could look at it that way, I guess…”

Customer: “You guys have confusing prices, I’m getting a headache!”

(The customer asks the kids if they want another one. They get excited and pick out two more. I scan them. Each one shows up at $3.50 each, but the computer discounts them automatically at the end).

Customer: “Hey, they all scanned at $3.50!”

Me: “Don’t worry, the discount is applied at the end.”

Customer: “You’re trying to rip me off!”

Me: “I’m not, see your subto–”

Customer: “I’m never coming here again!”

(The customer grabs the children, who start crying because they really wanted the face towels.)

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Fortunately, Stupidity Is Not Tax Deductible

| | Right | April 15, 2008

(During a heated debate in my Sociology class about the pros and cons of immigration, the discussion turned to illegal immigration.)

Student: “I pay my taxes. If I have to pay sales tax, I think they should too!”

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