A Lack Of Planning On Your Part…

| | Right | December 16, 2008

Customer: *on his cell phone, handing me a list* “I need all of these items.”

Me: “Ok, let me just get someone to help you.”

Customer: “Why can’t you just do it?”

Me: “I can’t leave the register.”

Customer: *shouting now* “I’M A VERY BUSY MAN!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry sir, but I cannot leave the register. Let me just call someone for you.”


Me: *on phone* “Could I have someone come up and help a customer please?”

Customer: *screaming over my phone call* “JUST GIVE ME MY DAMN ITEMS! I NEED THEM!”

Me: “Someone is on their way to help you, sir.”

Customer: “I needed these items two hours ago; I couldn’t get here until now. My time is being wasted; MY TIME IS PRECIOUS!”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you, scooter. Learn to manage your time better.”

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If You Control Your Movements Enough, Then Yes

| | Right | December 15, 2008

(I approach a lady looking at a particular paint being advertised as good for faux painting techniques.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, does this paint come with the stripes in it?”

Me: “Um… you mean, if you paint the wall with that paint, will
stripes magically appear?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *stifling laughter* “No.”

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It Was Either That Or Get Shocked By The Kite Again

| | Right | December 15, 2008

Customer: “I need a biography of Benjamin Franklin.”

Me: *I take him to the history section* “Here’s his autobiography.”

Customer: “That means he wrote it himself, right?”

Me: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Customer: *eyes widening* “They could do that back then?”

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Invasion Of The Spacey Wedding Guests

, | | Right | December 15, 2008

(A young woman wanders up to the bridal registry counter, her eyes and mouth wide open in amazement. She is alone – no cell phone or bluetooth headset in sight.)

Me: “What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Wow! You know why I’m here?!”

Me: “…I don’t know why you’re here, ma’am, but what can I help you with?”

Customer: *aside* “HOLD ON MOM!” *to me* “I need Emily’s registry.”

Me: “I have more then one Emily in the system…do you know her last name, or the groom’s name?”

Customer: “More then one Emily? WOW! His name is Rocco!”

Me: “I don’t have an Emily and a Rocco….”

(The customer grabs my computer screen so she can see, and points at an e-mail address on the screen.)

Customer:[email protected]***.com – THAT’S HIM!!”

Me: “That’s his e-mail address, not his name. His name is Richard.”


Me: “Okay, he goes by his e-mail address. That’ll be right up for you.”

(Customer wanders off, staring at nearby shiny objects.)

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Customer Service, Metaphorically Speaking

| | Right | December 12, 2008

(A woman comes up to me at the customer service desk with a piece of paper that has [bike brand] and a bunch of numbers written on it.)

Me: “How can I be of service to you today?”

Customer: “I need to return my bike.”

Me: “All right, is there anything wrong with it? And do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “I don’t have a receipt, but here’s the bike number. And yes, I went to a professional bike repair guy who told me that all the spokes are rusted, and it would cost $50 to replace.”

Me: “Ok – we don’t return bikes in a ‘used’ state, only ‘new’. But we do repair them.”

Customer: “What do you mean, you don’t return bikes? The spokes are all rusted!”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but that’s just how the company policy is.”

Customer: “Can YOU repair it, right now?”

Me: “No; we have a handy man come here a couple of times a week to do the repairs.”

Customer: “Well, I need this bike now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we only do repairs. The guy will be here Tuesday.”

(I look around for her bike…)

Me: “So…where is the bike? So I can put the repair label on it?”

Customer: “What do you mean? I don’t have it with me now! I can’t ride the bike here! And it doesn’t fit in my car!”

Me: “Well…I need the bike here to do returns and repairs, accompanied by a receipt.”

Customer: “I need a receipt too?!”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous!” *storms out*

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