Che Guevara, Rapping Revolutionary

| | Right | August 27, 2008

(I overheard this in a comic book store in a trendy area of town.)

Teenager: *points to t-shirt of Che Guevara* “Hey look, it’s the lead singer of Rage Against The Machine!”

Teenager’s friend: “I am totally buying one!”

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She Wouldn’t Last A Minute In 1478

| | Right | August 27, 2008

(A lady and her husband purchase a few items and proceed to pay with a debit card on a card reader. After scanning her card she stands there looking at it.)

Me: “You just need to enter your pin here and press enter.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

Me: “Do you want cash back?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Alright, then just press ‘no’ on the card reader.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Me: “Now, it’s asking you to confirm the total.”

Customer: “OH MY GOD! So many f***ing questions! What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?”

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A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’

| | Right | August 27, 2008

Me: “Sir, would you like to use any coupons today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’ve been saving them. Here you go!”

(He hands me a coupon that had expired five years previously.)

Me: “Sir, your coupon is expired.”

Customer: “WHAT?! What do you mean its expired? You f***ing b****, you’re just trying to steal my f***ing money! You’re trying to rob me! You and this f***ing company are trying to steal my f***ing money!”

(The customer attempts to climb over the counter and attack me. Thankfully, my manager intercepts him.)

Manager: “Sir, I need you to come with me.”

(My manager hauls the customer off counter by the back of his collar and drags him outside. Ten minutes pass, and he comes back in hauling a very disheveled customer by the shirt.)

Customer: “Your manager told me that I need to apologize to you. I’m sorry for yelling.”

Manager: “Now, apologize for cursing at her.”

Customer: “I’m sorry for cursing at you.”

Manager: “Now, what’s our policy on expired coupons?”

Customer: “You don’t accept them.”

Manager, to me: “Is he forgiven, or would you like to have him arrested?”

Me: “No, it’s okay. ”

Manager, to customer: “Now get out, and don’t come back.” *throws customer out*

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Thank God For Better Halves

| | Right | August 27, 2008

(An older customer calls in for tech support with his satellite receiver.)

Me: “Okay, your signal strength is pretty good.”

Customer: “Right.”

Me: “Let’s just verify all your channels are coming in.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Can you please put it on channel 400?”

Customer: “No problem, hold on.” *dials 4-0-0 into the telephone*

Customer’s wife: “Give me that!”

(She gets control of the phone.)

Customer’s wife: *laughing* “So sorry, he’s such an idiot!”

 

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Fowl Mouthed

| | Right | August 26, 2008

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want lunch meat.”

Me: *grinning* “You’ve come to the right place!”

Customer: “I don’t appreciate your attitude, you f***ing b***!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I’m paying for your brown a** to live here!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m Irish. And I’ve lived here my entire life.”

Customer: “GIVE ME SOME F***ING TURKEY!”

Me: “What type of turkey would you like?”

Customer: “Plain!”

Me: “Cooked? Smoked? Oven Roasted? Fat free? We also have a wide selection of gourmet turkeys, such as honey maple and tomato basil.”

Customer: “My kid won’t eat that fancy s***! I just want some f***ing turkey!”

(The store manager has been standing behind her the entire time and speaks up.)

Manager: “Cooked? Smoked? Oven Roasted? Fat Free? She gave you the types, just f***ing pick a flavour so she can serve me so I can take my lunch!”

Customer: “F*** THIS COUNTRY!”

 

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