Be Careful What You Ask For

| | Right | September 25, 2008

Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

Customer: “I want a wheat sandwich, with everything you like in it.”

Me: “Um, sir… you will be the one eating the sandwich, not me.”

Customer: “I SAID I wanted a wheat sandwich with whatever YOU like in it.”

Me: “Um… what kind of meat?”

Customer: “Didn’t you just hear what I said? WHEAT SANDWICH WITH WHATEVER YOU WANT ON IT!”

(I make the sandwich for the customer.)

Customer: “That wasn’t so hard now, was it?!” *walks away*

Coworker: “So… you like extra mustard and everything on it, especially jalapenos?”

Me: *smiling* “I don’t like mustard, I don’t like hot stuff, and I hope he has a terrible nice time in the bathroom.”

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My Fellow Americans, You Are Crazy

| | Right | September 25, 2008

Me: “That will be $**.**”

Customer: “Why’d your prices go up?”

Me: “Well, the cigarette tax just just went up.”

Customer: “This sounds illegal.”

Me: “The state tax on cigarettes just went up. We don’t have control over that.”

Customer: “I know the President of the United States. ¬†I think I’m gonna give him a call.”

Me: “Okay… have a nice day.”

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Hoochie Grannies, Gotta Love ‘Em

| | Right | September 24, 2008

(A little old lady is getting coffee. She is wearing thick blue eyeshadow, pink circles of blush, and bright red lipstick.)

Me: “Here’s your coffee. That’ll be $2.75.”

Little old lady: *gives me a $20* “Keep the change, dear.”

Me: “That’s very generous, thank you!”

Little old lady: “After work, go buy yourself some makeup. Just because you work at a coffee shop doesn’t mean you have to look like a slob!”

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Almost As Bad As The Large Hadron Collider

| | Right | September 24, 2008

Customer: “Hey, what’s the deal with this cherry slushie?”

Me: “Sorry, sir?”

Customer: “It’s WHITE!”

Me: “Yes, sir…”

Customer: “Why isn’t it RED?!”

Me: “Sir, the watermelon flavor is red.”

Customer: “That’s sacrilegious!”

Me: “Sir, the color does not make a difference in the flavor.”

Customer: “You should be ashamed!”

Customer’s wife: “Okay, let’s just let the man do his job, it’s not his fault for the color of the slushies.”

Customer: “It’s embarrassing!”

Customer’s wife, to me: “I’m sorry…”

Me: “Have a nice day.”

Customer: “YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!”

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Trust Me, The Dull Finish Suits You

| | Right | September 24, 2008

(A customer is looking at hardware we have on display.)

Customer: “Is the polished finish… dull?”

Me: “No. The polished finish is polished.”

Customer: “Oh… so what’s the dull finish?”

Me: “The dull finish… is.. sometimes called brushed.

Customer: “So it’s not polished?”

Me: “No. polished… is like a mirror. You can see your reflection.”

Customer: “Oh… what do you see on the dull finish?”

Me: *face palm*

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