Phishing For Answers

| | Right | October 19, 2009

Me: “This is [company name].”

Customer: “Hi, who’s this?”

Me: “Are you calling for tech support?”

Customer: “Oh, I guess it’s the wrong number. Well, what do you guys do?”

Me: “We’re an online virtual conferencing company. We allow you to host meetings online with webcams and slideshows.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s cool, anything else you do, other features?”

Me: “We also have a feature that lets you remotely take control of another person’s computer, or show them your own.”

Customer: “Oh really? That’s pretty awesome. So can you take control of anybody’s computer?”

Me: “Yeah, as long as their system supports the software.”

Customer: “So, can you do it without their permission…like, can you use it to hack into somebody’s computer with it?”

Me: “No, guests must be attending the conference and give permission for this.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m not interested then.” *click*

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When Age Equals I.Q.

| Right | October 19, 2009

(Our car insurance policies include an extension that lets customers drive other vehicles with minimum-level cover, but it’s only available to customers over 25.)

Me: “Good morning, how can I help?”

Customer: “Hi, I’ve got a policy with you. Will it let me drive other cars?”

Me: “It might. Could I ask your age, please?”

Customer: “I’m 23.”

Me: “I’m afraid not, you have to be 25 years old or over before we give you that extension.”

Customer: “Oh, ok, how do I get that, then?”

Me: “…you have to turn 25.”

Customer: “Oh! When will that be?”

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Fowl Outdoor Behavior

| | Right | October 16, 2009

(At the theme park where I work, a teenage guest gets out of line and marches up to me at my spot greeting people.)

Guest: “There are two birds back there fighting in the bushes. You should go stop them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t really have any control over nature.”

Guest: “But they’re fighting. One of them could get hurt.”

Me: “I’m sure they’ll sort it out soon and fly off.”

Other guest: “Those birds aren’t fighting…they’re ‘dating’.”

(The guest thinks about it for a moment.)

Guest: “What?! And you’re just going to let them do it in front of everyone? This is a FAMILY park. Oh my God!”

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If The Brew Fits…

| | Right | October 16, 2009

(We’ve run out of flat lids for our large cold drinks, so we’re using the domed ones instead.)

Coworker: “I have a large iced green tea ready.”

Customer: “Does it LOOK like I want whipped cream on that!?”

Coworker: “I’m really sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately we are all out of the flat lids for the venti sized drinks. I have to put a dome lid–”

(The customer points to small-sized flat lids.)

Customer: “Those are flat lids!”

Coworker: “Actually, those only fit our small iced cups.”

(The customer rolls her eyes, grabs a small flat lid, and tries to put it on her large cup. Because it’s smaller, the lid falls into her drink and spills tea all over the counter.)

Customer: “WHY WON’T THIS FIT!?”

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Military Intelligence, Part 4

| | Right | October 15, 2009

(A kid walks up and asks to buy a pack of cigarettes.)

Me: “Could I see your ID please?”

(The kid hands me an un-laminated piece of hand-cut white paper with a picture taped to it and all the “information” handwritten.)

Me: “Seriously, you’re going to try this?”

Customer: “It’s my military ID…”

 

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