Taking “No Pain, No Gain” Too Far

| | Right | July 21, 2008

(The power generator for the gym had a moderate fire, effectively shutting off all of the power inside. Because the PA system is dead, the employees sweep the gym and escort all of the members outside.)

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we need to evacuate. There’s been a minor emergency.”

Gym member: “What? Why?”

Me: “There’s been an emergency. Everyone has to leave.”

Gym member: “I need to finish this set! I’ll be out in a minute! ”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll just tell the fire to wait for you, then. ”

(Meanwhile, firetrucks are approaching the building, and the sirens can be clearly heard.)

Gym member: “This is ridiculous! I’m gonna talk to management! Where are they?!”

Me: “Outside, because there’s a fire.”

Gym member: “… let me get my water.”

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Jack Of All Trades, Master Of None

, | | Right | July 21, 2008

(A customer is trying to cancel a non-refundable reservation at a hotel…)

Me: “I apologize sir, but we will not be able to issue a refund at this time.”

Customer: “I am a doctor and will have to attend to an emergency at that time. So, you need to refund me.”

Me: “Again, I apologize, sir, but as the hotel is unwilling to refund, we will be unable to refund you at this time.”

Customer: “Well, I guess I will just have to see you in court. I am a lawyer and I am going to sue you.”

Me: “Sir, as a lawyer, I am sure you read over the terms and conditions of your reservation. As I am sure you noted, this reservation is nonrefundable. If you’d like, I’d can review the terms and conditions with you…”

Customer: “The Catholic Church is going to curse you! I am a lawyer for the Catholic Church and I will tell the bishop to curse you!”

(At this point, I didn’t know what to say to this multitalented doctor and lawyer for the Catholic Church.)

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Garraporta, Bumblebore And Lord Boweldesnort

| | Right | July 21, 2008

(I’m walking around stocking videos when a man comes up to with an extremely strange accent.)

Customer: “I’m looking for the Garraporta.”

Me: “I’m not sure what movie that is. What’s it about?”

Customer: “It’s the Garraporta. There are many movies!”

Me: “Uh, did you ask at front desk?”

Customer:Garraporta, Garraporta! There are many movies!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ve never heard of that movie.”

(I try every way to tell him I don’t know that movie, but he follows me all around the store saying “Garraporta!” Suddenly, he¬†stops and picks up a movie.)

Customer: “Here, Garraporta!”

Me: “Oh, Harry Potter!

Customer: “Yes, Garraporta! There are many movies!”

 

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Natural Selection In Action, Part 2

| | Right | July 21, 2008

Zoo visitor: “Aren’t lions vegetarians?”

Me: “No, lions are carnivores.”

Zoo visitor: “I’m sure I read somewhere that they are vegetarians. How are they carnivores?”

Me: “Sir, lions are well known carnivores. They hunt for their food. Their diet consists of mostly meat. They would not survive on fruits and vegetables alone.”

Zoo visitor: “Are you sure about that?”

Me: *sarcastically* “Well, if you really want to you, can jump into the lion exhibit to see if they’ll eat you.”

Zoo visitor: “Vegetarians wouldn’t eat a human, would they?”

Me: “My point exactly.”

 

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A Bunch-O-Words It Be, Indeed

| | Right | July 20, 2008

Me:¬†”Thanks for calling *** support, how can I ¬†help you?”

Caller: “I just bought sump’n down to the W-mart.”

Me: “And how can I help you with that?”

Caller: “Yup!”

*long pause*

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hey!”

Me: “What is it I can help you with today?”

Caller: “Got me one a dem orga, orgaz, origaniz, oregonize…”

Me: “Organizer?”

Caller: “Yup!”

Me: “And what can I do for you in regards to the organizer?”

Caller: “Well, it don’t do nuffin!”

Me: “Sounds like you may need technical assistance on the device, and unfortunately you’ve reached the sales line. I would be happy to give you the accurate number.”

Caller: “It free?”

Me: “I’m sorry, no, the support line is not toll free.”

Caller: “That’ll cost more-n-my origun, orgizen, org…”

Me: “Organizer?”

Caller: “Yup!”

Me: “You may want to first consult the manual for information.”

Caller: “That ol’ book don’t say nuffin but a bunch-o-words!”

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