Of Course, If You Really Want To Pay …

| | Right | November 2, 2007

Hotel Guest: “So how does parking work at the hotel?”

Me: “Oh sir, parking is complimentary anywhere on site.”

Hotel Guest: “How much does it cost?”

Me: “It’s complimentary … It’s free …”

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Must … Have … Chocolate … GraAAaawr!

, | | Right | November 2, 2007

(It must be noted the ice cream shop I worked at was in a mall, so it was pretty tiny and limited.)

Customer: “I’d like a chocolate ice cream cone please.”

Me: “Sorry, we only have vanilla.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’d like a chocolate ice cream then.”

Me: *stares* “We only have VANILLA. I can drip it in chocolate for you though.”

Customer: “Ugh, gross! No thanks, I’ll go try McDonald’s.”

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“Blurgh!?” Is Right

, | | Right | November 2, 2007

Customer in an ice cream shop: “Wait, your mint ice cream is white?”

Me: “That’s right. We don’t use artificial colors in our ice cream.”

Customer: “So shouldn’t your Orange Cream ice cream be green, since oranges are green?”

Me: “Blurgh!?”

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Welcome to People’s Pizza, Comrade

, | | Right | November 2, 2007

Old man: “Well, I’d like 3 slices, all meat and a Coke.”

Me: “Is Pepsi okay? We don’t serve Coke anymore.”

Old man: “WHAT?!?!?!?!? YOU DON’T SERVE COKE? ANYMORE? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?”

Me: “Well, we used to sell both brands. It was just far too expensive to keep both stocked when most people aren’t devastated by not having Coke.”

Old man: “THAT’S ABSURD! WHO DOESN’T SELL COKE! THAT’S INSANITY!”

Me: (at this point, I’m egging him on and holding back laughter) “Well…you can go next door. The convenience store probably sells Coke, but I can’t guarantee it.”

Old man: “That’s what I’ll do! You won’t get my $0.75!”

Me: “Umm…okay. I’ll have your pizza in just a minute.”

His wife: “Don’t mind him. He’s crazy.”

Old man: “Shut it! What kind of a day and age is it when you don’t sell Coke? It’s just plain un-American.”

Me: “…you know Coke cans are red. Like communism. ”

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A Strong Case for Reproductive Licensing

| | Right | November 1, 2007

(I honestly can’t say how many times I have had this conversation in the ER)

Me: “Is there any chance you are pregnant?”

Patient: “No?”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Patient: “Yes!”

Me: “Are you sexually active?”

Patient: “Yes!”

Me: “Do you still have periods?”

Patient: “Yes!”

Me: “Are you on birth control?”

Patient: “No.”

Me: “Do you use condoms?”

Patient: “No.”

Me: “Has your husband/significant other/autistic baboon had a vasectomy?”

Patient: “No.”

Me: “So let me get this straight. You are still menstruating, have unprotected sex, you are actively trying to get pregnant.”

Patient: “No.”

Me: “Look, if you are having sex and not trying to prevent getting pregnant, you are actively trying to get pregnant.”

Patient: “No.”

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