Chez Cinema

| | Right | February 9, 2009

(Note: we’re in a movie theater.)

Customer: “So, you guys got, like, showers here and everything?”

Me: “No, we don’t.”

Customer: *looking revolted* “Gross! So you guys just don’t wash?”

Me: “Well, not here, but when we’re at home, yes.”

Customer: “So you guys don’t have, like, rooms here or nothin’?”

Me: “No, sir, we don’t live at the movie theater.”

Customer: “THAT’S THE DUMBEST THING I EVER HEARD! *stomps off*

Me: “…”

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Books On Surveillance Tape

| | Right | February 9, 2009

Me: “**** Library, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I have some books that are due tomorrow, but I need to keep them longer.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. I’ll need your name so I can renew the books.”

Caller: *scandalized* “You need my what?”

Me: “Your name, ma’am. So I can call up your account on my computer.”

Caller: “You have my account?! How did you get that? Do you have my Social Security number?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I mean your library account. When you came in to get your library card, you filled out a form with your name, address, phone number, and email, so that we can contact you if you ever have overdue books. We don’t have your social security number.”

Caller: “Well, I’m not giving out my name to a complete stranger over the phone!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Perhaps you could give me the titles of the books?”

Caller: “Why do you need to know what I’m reading?! The books are due tomorrow! Just renew them!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there’s no way I can look up books by the due date. Without your name or the titles of the books, I can’t help you.”

Caller: “You’re trying to steal my identity! I’m calling the cops.”

Me: *giving up* “You do that, ma’am.” *hangs up*

Co-worker: “You should have told her we put cameras in the books.”

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Coming Soon: Laptop Loofas

, | | Right | February 9, 2009

Customer #1: “This cell phone doesn’t work anymore. I want you to replace it.”

Me: “When did it stop working?”

Customer #1: “After I brought it in the shower.”

Me: “If it got wet, it’s probably not going to work at all, and it won’t be covered by the warranty.”

Customer #1: “I don’t understand. If it doesn’t work anymore, you’re supposed to replace it. It should work in the shower.”

Me: “Well, no. Like any piece of electronics, it’s not going to work if you get it wet. Would you bring your laptop in the shower?”

Customer #2: *interjecting* “I bring my laptop into the shower all the time.”

Me: *facepalm*

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And The Landfills Wept

| | Right | February 6, 2009

Me: “Just this scarf for you today?”

Customer: “Yes — and could you please cut the tag off? I’m planning to wear it straight out of the store.”

Me: “No problem.”

(after transaction is completed…)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: “Um, can I have a bag, please?”

Me: “…Err…I thought you wanted to wear your scarf out of the store?”

Customer: “Well, yes, but I still need a bag. Where else would I put my receipt?” *stuffs her large wallet into her purse*

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Like A Dog Chasing Its Own Tail

| | Right | February 6, 2009

Me: Thank you for calling ***, X speaking how may I…

Client: *thick accent* “Yes, hello? Are you there?”

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: “I just tried purchase insurance.”

Me: “Ok?”

Caller: “It said error.”

Me: “Ok, what else does it say?”

Caller: “Just error.”

Me: “Well, that can be anything. Normally it says more specific details. Is there anything else it says?”

Caller: “I think it has something to do with the beneficiary part.”

Me: “You mean for the life insurance portion?”

Caller: “Yes. I put myself as the beneficiary for my policy, isn’t that what I’m supposed to put?”

Me: “So, you put yourself as the person who receives the money if you die?”

Caller: “Yes. Isn’t that right?”

Me: *facepalm*

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