Numa Numa Meets The Beaches Of Normandy

| | Right | February 10, 2009

(I overheard two cashiers talking about World of Warcraft while an older female customer and her husband approached them.)

Cashier #1: “My guild went on a big raid last night but didn’t complete it.”

Cashier #2: “You weren’t able to kill the boss?”

Cashier #1: “No, the boss was really tough to kill; we’re going to try again tomorrow.”

Customer: *to husband* “We should call a manager–I can’t believe these kids are talking about killing their boss!”

Cashier #2: “Oh no, ma’am, it’s a video game called World of Warcraft. You go on adventures to kill monsters, and the big ones are called ‘bosses’.”

Customer: “I don’t care about your ‘World War’ game. No wonder there is so much violence in this world – video games teaching kids to kill their bosses!”

Cashier #1: “It’s not ‘World War,’ ma’am, it’s World of Warcraft, and it’s not teaching us violence…”

Customer: “I don’t care what it’s called. My husband fought in a real world war and he can tell you, violence is not a game! Right, Richard?

Customer’s husband: *distracted* “Huh?”

Customer: “Forget it. C’mon, we’re never coming back to this place. One of these kids is bound to shoot the place up.”

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I Say Tomato, You Say Purple Shtinkelfurter

| | Right | February 10, 2009

Customer: “Hey, do you have any of them Red Rushkies?”

Coworker: “Sorry?”

Customer: “You know, Red Rushkies?”

Coworker: “Err… no, I’m sorry. I don’t think we stock those.”

Customer: “Yeah you do, I buy them here all the time! Where are they?”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, we don’t have anything called ‘Red Rushkies’ here.”

Customer: *sighs* “I’ll find them myself.”

(There’s a pause of a few minutes, and then the customer comes back with a bag of raw peanuts.)

Customer: “There you go!”

Coworker: “Oh! Peanuts?”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s what I said!”

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Unlimited Food, Limited Intelligence

| | Right | February 9, 2009

(I’ve just served the customers their unlimited salad bowl…)

Customer: “Well, where’s my salad?”

Me: “The bowl on the table is for everyone to share. That’s why I brought everyone their own salad plates.”

Customer: “Yes, but where is my bowl of salad? Don’t I get my own?”

Me: “Well, it’s supposed to be served family style where everyone eats from the same bowl.”

Customer: “So, they are trying to cheat me out of my salad.”

Me: “Well, it’s an unlimited salad bowl so you get unlimited free refills.”

Customer: *turns to his wife* “See, that’s where they get you. There’s always a catch…”

Me: “Just let me know if you need more salad…”

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Lenin, Inc.

| | Right | February 9, 2009

Customer: “You only have two showings of American Carol! That’s just plain un-American! You’re all d**ned communists.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but it wasn’t selling well so we had to split it with another movie.”

Customer: “No – it’s because you’re g**d**n commies.”

Me: “No, sir, that’s actually capitalism. We move the movies that don’t sell well to less show times so as to maximize profits.

Customer: “No, capitalism is American and no real American would move a movie down just because it wasn’t making money!”

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The Tiny Flaw In An Otherwise Brilliant Plan

| | Right | February 9, 2009

(I work at customer service and this lady could not return a lamp because it was past our 90-day return policy.)

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, the transaction for the lamp does not show up on your credit card. Has it been more than 90 days?”

Customer: “No, I dont think so! Try it again.”

(I try two more times and sure enough, the same thing happens.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you bought the lamp more than 90 days ago, it does not show up in our system anymore. We can do a store credit return if you would like, but you would get the lowest price which is about $3 less.”

Customer: “Fine. It was 92 days ago! Now can I return it?”

Me: “I cannot do that. That purchase is not in our system anymore and the computer will only allow me to give you store credit at that price.”

(A long argument ensues and I tell her the same things.)

Customer: “Well, you know what? I’m going to buy this lamp again and then use THAT receipt to return it!”

Me: “Why would you want to do that? You would technically own two and then you’re returning one. It makes no difference.”

Customer: “Then I’ll buy a NEW one and use that receipt to return my broken one!”

Me: “I cannot allow you to do that. I am the supervisor and would have to report that sort of potential activity to our store security and managers.”

Customer: “How did you know what I’m going to do?!”

Me: “…um, because you just told me?”

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