Resistance Is Futile

| | Right | May 17, 2008

(Woman is filling out a library card application.)

Librarian: “Ma’am, I need your middle name as well.”

Woman: “Why?”

Librarian: “We have a lot of duplicate entries, so we’re required to ask for middle names now.”

Woman: “I don’t want to give you my middle name.”

Librarian: “Ma’am, I already have your social security number. Giving me your middle name won’t hurt.”

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Math Is Your Friend, Part 3

| | Right | May 17, 2008

(We were having a sale: 4 bags of liquorish for $12. I ring each bag up individually, and it shows up as $3 a bag.)

Customer: “I don’t want those if they come up to $3 a bag. It said they were 4 for $12.”

Me: “But if you’re buying 4, at $3 a piece, that’s $12.”

Customer: “No, that’s $3 a bag. I want all 4 for $12!”

Me: “Okay…”

 

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Like Son, Like Father

| | Right | May 16, 2008

(I bring a couple and their child place settings and a colouring mat for the 6 year old.)

Me: “Hi, can I get you guys started with something to drink?”

Father: “Sure, I’ll have a Pepsi, and bring me another one of those place mats. I like to colour while I wait.”

Me: *laughs* “You and the boy are going to have a bit of a contest, eh?

(I obviously thought he was making a joke.)

Father: *agitated* “Yeah, is that a problem?”

Me: “Uh, not at all sir…would you like Barney the dinosaur or Spongebob?”

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Someone Needs Sensitivity Training

| | Right | May 16, 2008

(I’m at home, on Christmas Day with my family, eating dinner. Our number is similar to a floral shop in our town, so we’re constantly getting calls from customers.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “WHERE ARE MY FLOWERS?! I ORDERED MY FLOWERS FOR NOON ON CHRISTMAS DAY AND I DON’T HAVE THEM YET! WHY CAN’T YOU PEOPLE EVER DELIVER MY FLOWERS RIGHT?! LAST YEAR, I…”

(I predicted a whole novel’s worth of stories, so I figured I would cut in…)

Me: “Sir! This isn’t the floral shop, you have the wrong number. This is *my number* and you just interrupted our Christmas dinner.”

Caller: “WELL, F*** YOUR CHRISTMAS DINNER!” *click*

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Shopping Amongst The Commoners

| | Right | May 16, 2008

Customer: “I’m here to pick up a book I ordered.”

Me: “Did you receive a card saying it was in?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Great, let me get it for you. What’s your last name?”

Customer: *gives last name*

Me: *goes to special order shelf, behind the cashwrap, to find the book*

Customer: *comes behind the cashwrap and looks too*

Me: “Sir, I need to ask you to step back in front of the registers. This is a secure area.”

Customer: *ignores, keeps looking*

Me: “Sir, please step back! We don’t allow customers in this area!”

Customer: *grumbles, steps back*

Me: *finds book, completes sale*

Customer: *leaves*

Coworker, laughing: “Do you know who that was?”

Me: “Well…he looked familiar.”

Coworker: “That was the governor! You just bossed the governor around!”

(I felt a little silly for not recognizing him, but he hadn’t been governor for long, had a common last name and looked like every other rich, entitled guy who ever came into the store.)

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