Step 35c: Ask Customer To Reboot Dumbo

| | Right | August 22, 2008

Customer: “Hey, all the computers in the store are down.”

Me: “Yep, I can’t ping your servers or anything. Are you in the computer room?”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “What’s on your console?”

Customer: “Hang on, let me get a flash light.”

Me: “A flashlight? Why do you need a flash light?”

Customer: “We’re in the middle of a power outage.”

Me: “Umm… sir, the computers won’t work without power.”

Customer: “Are you sure? They fixed it last time.”

Me: “Pretty sure… I’ve been doing this a while. How did you lose power?”

Customer: “An elephant stepped on the transformer.”

Me: “An… elephant?”

Customer: “We’re having a parking lot carnival, and an elephant got away from the handler.”

Me: “Ah yes, I should have known… those pesky elephants always causing us these problems.”

Customer: “What? Really?”

Me: “Yeah… call us back when you get your power restored.”

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Sure, Let Me Get On My Hamster Wheel

| | Right | August 21, 2008

(This was during a HUGE power outage in New York. The entire city was out of power.)

Me: “Thanks for calling, my name is Carrie. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My TV is not working.”

Me: “Okay, what’s it doing?”

Customer: “It won’t turn on.”

(I notice that the customer is in New York.)

Me: “The power is out through your entire city.”

Customer: “But my TV won’t turn on.”

Me: “Right, your TV runs on electricity, and won’t work without it.”

Customer: “I just want to watch TV! Why won’t it turn on?”

Me: “Can you go to a light switch and see if that works?”

Customer: “That’s not why I called! I want to watch TV.”

Me: “Without power, you won’t be able to watch your TV.”

Customer: “Then fix it!”

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Thank God For Grandmothers

, | | Right | August 21, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me, but can you please take a look at this pizza here?”

Me: “Uh… well, that looks pretty delicious to me.”

Customer: “It looks very lumpy.”

Me: “Well, it’s a pizza, and you’ve chosen some pretty lumpy toppings there.”

Customer: “Well, look here how all the toppings seem to be all on one side.”

Me: “Is that a problem?”

Customer: “Yes. It’s uneven.” *stares intently at me*

Me: “Well sir, my grandmother’s cookies look about like that and they taste absolutely delicious every time she makes them.”

Customer: *laughs and leaves without further complaining*

(Phew!)

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Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right

, , | | Right | August 21, 2008

(I work in healthcare and am talking to a man in his fifties who is having angina for the first time.)

Me: “You haven’t had a heart attack, but this pain is probably coming from your heart.”

Man: “But I’m only 50-something and there are no heart problems in my family. Why would that be?”

Me: “You smoke 30 cigarettes a day and drink two cartons of beer per week. That’s not good for your heart. You should think about cutting down.”

Man: “I’m sick of you people telling me that bulls***! It’s a scientifically proven fact that smoking makes your arteries smaller, and drinking makes them bigger! If I keep drinking AND smoking, I’ll be fine!”

Me: “That’s not at all how it works, but I see I’m not going to change your mind. You’ll be going upstairs soon.”

Man: “I want to go out for a smoke!”

Me: “That’s really not a good idea…”

Man: “What would you know?!”

Me: *gives up*

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Sorry, You’ve Just Exceeded Our Stupid Quota

| | Right | August 21, 2008

(It was an hour before closing, and all of us were very tired–the manager included.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “What does the chicken sandwich look like?” *points at a picture of it*

Me: “It looks just like the one in the picture, ma’am.”

Customer: “Are you sure? How long have you been working here?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, I’m sure. I’ve been working here over a year.”

Customer: “Well, um… I guess I’ll get that one.”

(I take her money and give her the chicken sandwich.)

Customer: “This is not what it looks like!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Get me your manager, d*** it!”

Manager: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “This chicken sandwich is not like in the picture!”

Manager: “Yes, you’re right. The one the picture is over a foot wide and fake.”

Customer: “I will not stand for this!”

Manager: “Either will I. Leave my employees alone!”

Customer: *starts screaming*

Manager: “You have a happy go lucky day now, ma’am!”

 

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