Nails, Not Files

| Houston, TX, USA | Right | February 3, 2010

Me: “This is [hardware store], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, do you guys carry an Asus [followed by a long string of abbreviations and numbers] Sound Card?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: *repeats*

Me: “What is that used for?”

Caller: “So you can get sound from your speakers.”

Me: “Like on a computer?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Wrong kind of hardware, buddy.”

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Canada: America’s Hat

| Boston, MA, USA | Right | February 3, 2010

(The customer’s total is $9.67. She hands me a ten dollar bill and three Canadian quarters.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t accept this change.”

Customer: “Why not? It’s 67 cents and I gave you 75.”

Me: “Right, but this is Canadian currency.”

Customer: “So? They’re still quarters.”

Me: “Right, but they’re Canadian Quarters. I can’t accept foreign currency.”

Customer: “Canada’s not foreign! It’s in America!”

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Jokes From Down Under Are Just Too Alien

| Bremerton, WA, USA | Right | February 3, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling . How can I help you?”

Caller: “Have you seen District 9?”

Me: “Yes, I have. Do have questions about it?”

Caller: “Is this some sort of Australian joke?”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Caller: “All this movie has been is interviews with government people and aliens wearing brassieres! Am I watching some weird special feature or is this some kind of Australian joke?”

Me: “Well, the movie is in a documentary style and that definitely sounds like the beginning of the movie. If you want, you can come down to the store and exchange it for no charge.”

Caller: “Thank you very much. Those Australians have a weird sense of humor, man. I should know…I used to be married to a Brit and they’re strange, too!”

Me: “All right, sir you have a good night.”

Caller: “OK. I will put in a decent movie now which is not an Australian joke.”

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Just Give Them A Watered Down Answer

| Niagara Falls, ON, Canada | Right | February 3, 2010

(I work at a hotel half an hour away from Niagara Falls.)

Customer: “What time do the Falls stop?”

Me: “You mean the stores? I think they’re probably closed-”

Customer: “No, no, the Falls. What time do they run until?”

Me: “The lights? I believe 10 or so–”

Customer: “No, no, I mean the actual waterfall, what time do they turn it off?”

Me: “Midnight.”

(It’s about 11:30pm, so they thank me and run out. Two hours later, they return.)

Customer: “Thanks a lot for the help earlier! I guess it was our lucky day. They didn’t turn them off yet!”

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Cup Is Half Full, Brain Is Sadly Not

| Florida, USA | Right | February 2, 2010

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Do you have decaf?”

Me: “We do. What size would you like?”

Customer: “Well, I was wondering if I could have half decaf and half regular?”

Me: “Sure thing.”

Customer: “If I do that, which one will be on the top?”

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