Oooh, I’m Quaking In My Boots

| | Right | February 27, 2008

(At the store where I used to work, most of our bags didn’t have handles. Only the largest size did. A woman was buying a greeting card, which, after scanning, I gave to her in a small paper
bag.)

Woman: “Don’t you have any bags with handles?”

Me: “I’m sorry. The only bags we have with handles are these big ones.”

(I show her the large bag with handles.)

Woman: “Well THAT’S stupid!”

(She then proceeded to call a few other things stupid.)

Woman: “Fine, just give me the bag without handles.”

Me: “Do you want your receipt?”

Woman, looking at me as in disbelief: “NO, I don’t want a RECEIPT!”

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Woman: “Well…you…DON’T have a nice day!”

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Imperialism At Its Finest

| | Right | February 27, 2008

Customer: *hands over US Currency while trying to buy a T-Shirt*

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t take US Currency. We do, however take debit, all major credit card–”

Customer: *cuts me off* “Why the hell can’t you take my money?! This is the U. S. OF A!”

Me: “No sir, this is the Yukon Territory, in Canada.”

Customer: “No it’s not! This is the USA! Alaska! I’ve been driving on the Alaska Highway for hours so that makes this Alaska!”

Me: “No sir. This is the Yukon…we’re part of Canada…the Alaska Highway LEADS to Alaska and–”

Customer: *again, cutting me off* “Don’t you ever look at a map?! The Yukon is IN Alaska, and that’s part of the United States! You HAVE to take my money!”

Me: “The Yukon is part of Canada, we are NEXT to Alaska, which is part of the United States…”

(The customer gets angry, slams his item on the counter and storms out, muttering something about “stupid kids.”)

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I Once Had A Customer This Dumb

| | Right | February 27, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling The UPS Store, this is Rick speaking, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi. I need to find out how much it will be to send something to Iowa.”

Me: “I’d be happy to get you an estimate on shipping. Could I get the dimensions and weight of the box as well as the ZIP code of the destination?”

Caller: “Yeah, it’s probably about 10 pounds, and about this big.”

Me: “Well, I need a ZIP code for the destination, but you didn’t really give me the dimensions of the box.”

Caller: “The ZIP code is 51365, and it’s about this big.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t see your hands, so you’ll have to give me some sort of numeric dimension to work with.”

Caller: “Oh, let me get a ruler–” *click*

Me: *sigh*

Customer in the store who overheard the phone conversation: “Are you serious?!”

Related:
Paging Miss Cleo
Egocentrism Meets Geocentrism
You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy
(Telepathic) Help Wanted

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No, Only In The Original Klingon

| | Right | February 26, 2008

Me, picking up phone: “*** Book and Music…can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have Shakespeare in English?”

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Pride Goeth Before A Rental

| | Right | February 26, 2008

(I have a reputation of knowing good movies. Some customers got into the habit of just coming in and asking me what they should watch…especially when they wanted to seem intellectual. One customer was an a** one day so I gave him a Russian movie that was slow, boring and pretentious. He returned the movie about a week later.)

Me: “How’d you like it?”

Customer: “Man, you dropped the ball on this one. It sucked. Took me three nights to get through it. I kept falling asleep. I hate to have to pay this much money for it.”

Me: “Wow, I’m surprised. I don’t recommend it to a lot of people because I don’t think they’ll catch the subtle subtext in the imagery.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah…the meat of the story is really in the shot composition, the use of color and the things that remain unsaid. It gets past a lot of people but I thought you would have caught that and enjoyed the message.”

Customer: “You know, don’t check that in yet. I’ll take it back and watch it again.”

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