Confusing Crosses With Crossbones

| | Right | August 20, 2009

(An older customer comes out of the fitting room wearing a black and red striped shirt with designs that look like piles of skulls.)

Customer: “I just think that this is so cute. What do you think?”

Me: “That’s a really interesting choice for a blouse.”

Customer: “Oh, I know. I just think these little flower designs are so pretty!”

Me: “Ma’am, those are actually skulls.”

(The customer looks a bit closer at the shirt before finally realizing what she is wearing.)

Customer: “Oh my Lord, I was planning on wearing this to church!”

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GPS Needs Some Maine-tenance

| | Right | August 19, 2009

Me: “Okay, which sandwiches off the menu would you like?”

Customer: “I want olives.”

Me: “Yes, but what kind of meat, sauce, cheese? We have our recipes up there for you.”

Customer: “Look, all I want is olives. And sauerkraut.”

Me: “I don’t have any sauerkraut for you sir.”

Customer: “They have sauerkraut at other places! Like in Maine!”

Me: “But not here. I’m sorry. And we are not in Maine.”

Customer: *deadly serious and worried* “We’re not?”

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Hailing Frequencies Open But Nobody’s Home

| | Right | August 19, 2009

(My brother runs a company that sells sci-fi and fantasy memorabilia. A customer came up to the table and started inspecting a replica Star Trek communicator.)

Customer: “So does this actually work?”

Me: “Oh, yes. When you flip it open, it lights up and plays authentic sound effects.”

Customer: “No, no, I mean, does it actually communicate with the Enterprise?”

Me: *joking* “Well, the ship would be out of range if it wasn’t in orbit.”

Customer: *serious* “Oh, right!”

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Literally Dog Eared

| | Right | August 19, 2009

(A customer hands me really tattered and torn CD.)

Customer: “I‚Äôd like to exchange this CD for another copy. It doesn‚Äôt play.

Me: “What on earth have you done with it?”

Customer: “Well, since there obviously was something wrong with the CD, I gave it to my dog to play with. You‚Äôre just going to return it right, so who cares about what condition it‚Äôs in?”

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Economic Recession For Dummies

| | Right | August 19, 2009

(I’m ringing out a customer at my register. He hands me a 10 dollar bill for his total of $5.22, but my hand slips on the decimal button, and the computer reads the cash amount as $522.00.)

Me: “Whoops, sorry about that sir.”

(I quickly calculate the correct change and hand it to him.)

Customer: “Hey, you didn’t give me the right change.”

Me: “I didn’t? That’s strange, I thought I had it right.”

Customer: “It says here my change is $516.78, you only gave me $4.78”

Me:“Oh, right! I accidentally put the decimal in the wrong place. Sorry about that.”

(I hold out his bag of merchandise for him but he doesn’t budge.)

Customer: “…Well? Aren’t you going to give me the rest of my change?”

Me: “Sir, I’m not allowed to just give out money.”

Customer: (Brandishing receipt.) “But it says right here that my change is $516.78!”

Me: “Sir, it also says that you gave me $522.00…”

(Customer snatches up his merchandise and leaves.)

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