Fatheaded

, | | Right | April 10, 2008

Customer: “What’s the difference between low-fat and non-fat yogurt?”

Me: “Well, the low-fat has only a small amount of fat whereas the non-fat has none at all.”

Customer: “What’s fat?”

Me: “…”

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[Insert Apple Joke Here]

| | Right | April 10, 2008

(Telephone technical support for a printer manufacturer.)

Customer: “First of all, I’m a Mac tech, so I know what the hell I’m doing; let’s get that straight right away!”

Me: “Ok.”

(It turned out he needed to reinstall some fonts, so we got the installer started.)

Customer: “It says, ‘Insert Disk One.’ What should I do?”

Me: “Um, insert disk one…”

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All Are Retail Slaves

| | Right | April 10, 2008

(Note: I wasn’t actually an employee, I was just a regular customer walking around this store. A middle aged woman walks up to me.)

Lady: “Excuse me, do you have any golf clubs?”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t work here.”

Lady: “But you look like you do…”

Me: “Sorry, no…all the employees here have red vests and tags that say ***** ******* on them.”

Lady: “But can you tell me where the golf clubs are?”

Me: “No, I don’t even live in this town [which was true]. I am just looking around.”

Lady: “Well, you’re no help. I might as well look in the other store.” *walks away in a huffy mood*

Me, loudly: “MAYBE IF YOU PAID ME, I’D HELP!”

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PEBCAK, Episode III

| | Right | April 9, 2008

(I received a trouble ticket for an HP 930c Printer at our Ohio warehouse.)

Me: “Hello, I hear you are having a problem with your printer.”

Customer: “Yes, I changed the cartridge and it says that it’s still out of ink.”

Me: “Ok, did you remove the blue tape before inserting the new print cartridge?”

Customer: “Yep! Sure did!”

(After literally two hours of model number and cartridge number verification and even installing new firmware on the printer among many other things…)

Me: “Ok ma’am, can you take the ink cartridge out for me?”

Customer: “Ok, it’s out.”

Me: “Is there blue tape over the copper on the bottom of the cartridge?”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “Could you remove it and re-install the cartridge?”

Customer: “Oh hey! It works!”

(I’ve never wished more that I could slap people via telephony.)

 

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Golly Gee, I’m So Smrt

, | | Right | April 9, 2008

Me: *notices woman walking into store* “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I see you have two DVDs for 10 dollars.”

Me: “Actually ma’am, that sale ended yesterday.”

Customer: “Well, I have to buy some for my son for Christmas, so maybe you can be a doll and ring them up for me for that price.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because that sale ended yesterday.”

Customer: “What difference is it to you the price you sell these DVD’s at?!”

Me: “My job…”

Customer: “How about it I give you $5.00?”

Me: “…sure.”

(I go and ring up the two DVDs, and take the woman’s money. With the five dollars she gave me, this adds up to the normal retail price so she’s saved nothing.)

Me: “Have a happy holiday, ma’am.”

Customer: *winks at me*

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