Now Made With Real Vegetarians

, | | Right | August 21, 2009

Customer: “There is no pasta in my pastarami sandwich, just some meat.”

Me: “It’s Pastrami, peppered beef–not pastarami.”

Customer: “Oh, can I change it please? I’m vegetarian.”

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Not A Case Of If, But When…

| | Right | August 20, 2009

(While waiting in line, I overhear a conversation between a teenager and a police officer, both of whom are also waiting. The boy has red plastic cups and ping pong balls in hand.)

Officer: “Can I ask what those are for?”

Teenage customer: “No, no questions.”

Officer: “Where’s the party?”

Teenage customer: “No parties.”

(The kid checks out, and as he’s walking out the door yells “SODA PONG!” and flicks his wrist.)

Officer, to me: “Yeah, I’ll get the call in a couple hours.”

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An Idiot At Hand Is Worth Two In The Bush

| | Right | August 20, 2009

(Note: GPS systems in the area around our hotel rarely work.)

Caller:: “I’m lost. How do I get to you?”

Me: “Where are you?”

Caller:: “I don’t know! I’m lost!”

Me: “What are you near?”

Caller:: “Bushes.”

Me: “You’re going to have to be more precise. I can’t tell where you are just by your description.”

Caller:: “They’re small bushes!”

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Busted Pipes

| | Right | August 20, 2009

(My dad is a plumber. One day while trying to fix a clog, he finds a whole bunch of condoms.)

Dad: “I found the cause of your clog. Next time, just throw away your condoms. They don’t dissolve, so it’s bad for the toilet.”

Customer: “But my wife and I don’t use condoms…”

(There’s an awkward silence as the customer mulls over what he’s just said.)

Customer: “I think I’ll be having a talk with my wife now.”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

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Highway Robbery

| | Right | August 20, 2009

(A customer comes to the gas station register and hands me their credit card immediately.)

Customer: “I was looking at the liters display instead of the price.”

Me: “Yeah, I hate when that happens. Let’s see what your total is.”

Customer: “Well, I shouldn’t have to pay anymore than the $20 I wanted to put in.”

Me: “Sorry, but it doesn’t work like that.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***! I’m just going to drive off! Good luck getting your money!” *drives off without paying*

(I call the police who arrive ten minutes later, which is coincidentally when the customer returns–in his haste to drive off, he had forgotten to take back his credit card.)

Customer: “You stole my credit card, you a**hole!”

Me: “Just give me a second sir. I’m in the middle of reporting a drive-off to these police officers.”

Customer: “Haha! So I’m not the only one to do a drive-off from here?”

Police: “Today you are. Please come with us, sir.”

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