Defeats The Porpoise

| Melbourne, Australia | Right | January 27, 2010

Child: “Mister, how do the waves work?” *points to wave pool*

Me: “There are big machines out the back that make the waves, mate.”

Child: “But my daddy says there are dolphins in cages that make the waves.”

Me: “Sorry buddy, no dolphins.”

(10 minutes later…)

Father: “You told my son there any dolphins.”

Me: “There aren’t.”

Father: “This is false advertising! Where are the dolphins! I was told there were dolphins!”

Me: “Nope, no dolphins.”

Father: *brief silence* “How about whales?”

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Creative Creature Literature 101

| Memphis, TN, USA | Right | January 27, 2010

Customer: “Do you have How to Catch a Mole?”

Me: “I don’t know of that book, let me check.”

Customer: “I have to read it for school.”

Me: “No, we don’t have that.”

Customer: “It’s really famous. I think Dante wrote it.”

Me: “Dante? ”

Customer: “Or someone like that.”

Me: “What class is this for?”

Customer: “English Literature.”

Me: *inspiration strikes* “You mean Taming of the Shrew!”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

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A Mockery Of The Language

| Denver, CO, USA | Right | January 26, 2010

Customer #1: “Two coffees, please.”

Customer #2: “Milk in mine.”

Me: “Sounds great. One regular coffee, one cafe au lait.”

Customer #1: “What did you say?”

Me: “Uh, cafe au lait.”

Customer #1: “I’ve never heard that before.”

Customer #2: “That’s ’cause it’s Mexican. Café O-L-E. Olé. I swear they’re taking over!”

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Swimming With The Feces

| Pennsylvania, USA | Right | January 26, 2010

(A child has pooped in the pool so we get all the swimmers out. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Why did you get everybody out? It is a perfectly nice day”

Me: “Yes, but a child had an accident in the pool.”

Customer: “…so?”

Me: “Well, we have to run an eight hour cleaning cycle. We can not let you back in for the rest of the day.”

Customer: “That is so dumb! Who makes the decisions around here?”

Me: “I do. I am the lifeguard. A child has pooped in the pool, ma’am.”

Customer: “It is a nice day out and I want to swim!”

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Some Confucian About Who Is In Charge

Washington, D.C. USA | Right | January 26, 2010

Customer: “Is the President here today?”

Me: “No, the president works in the White House, not the Capitol.”

Customer: “Oh…so is he here?”

Me: “No, not today. He’s meeting with the President of China, Hu Jintao, today.”

Customer: “China doesn’t have a president.”

Me: “They don’t?”

Customer: “No, they’ve got that Mao guy.”

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