Tis The Pre-Season

| Westerville, OH, USA | Right | August 16, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, are you all not releasing Christmas ornaments this year?”

Me: “No, we’re still going to be releasing them.”

Customer: “Well it’s awfully late. Are they delayed this year? They’re usually out by now.”

Me: “It’s June, sir. They’ll be out in July like always.”

Customer: “Oh my! It gets later and later every year.”

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Like A Fish Out Of Water

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Right | August 16, 2010

(Our store has a return policy involving fish that they can return them as long as they have the animal and receipt.)

Customer: “My fish died again.”

Me: “How long did you have the fish for?”

Customer: “Only about two days. This is the second fish this has happened with.”

(I proceed to start asking questions about her daily tasks of tank operations. After several minutes, I can’t figure out what is wrong.)

Me: “How about you take me through your daily routine?”

Customer: “Well, first I go down and feed the fish. Then I pick him up and pet him for a bit. Then around lunchtime, I pet him some more.”

Me: “So you pull the fish out of the water and pet it?”

Customer: “Only for a few minutes. Why?”

Me: “Fish can’t breath out of water. Didn’t you notice it gasping?”

Customer: “Well, it can just hold its breath, right?”

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Without A Cake The Birthday Boy Will Be In Tiers

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Right | August 15, 2010

Me: “Oh, hi. Welcome to [Bakery]. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I’d like to order a 3 tiered cake for my son’s birthday party.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. We have a design book on that table behind you where you could look at some possible designs.”

Customer: “Okay. How long would it take you to make the cake?”

Me: “Well it depends. If you get a simple design you might be able to pick it up by tomorrow afternoon, but if you get a more complicated design it make take 3 to 4 days.”

Customer: “Oh. That’s not gonna work for me.”

Me: “Why? What’s the problem?”

(The customer’s son runs inside the bakery.)

Customer’s son: “Dad, come on! The party starts in an hour!”

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(Don’t) See How They Run

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | August 15, 2010

Customer: “I need to find a cage for my hamster.”

Me: “I can help. Is it a Syrian or a Dwarf?”

Customer: “I don’t know. It’s really tiny.”

Me: “Probably a dwarf.”

(I show her several hamster cages but she doesn’t like any.)

Me: “If your hamster is a dwarf, he might be able to live inside a mouse cage.”

Customer: “What’s that? A mouse?”

Me: “Yes, a mouse.”

(I show her the mice we have for sale).

Customer: “I don’t think I have a hamster. I have one of these.”

Me: “You can’t tell a hamster from a mouse?”

Customer: “I can’t get a good look at them when they run across the garage!”

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Pay The Price And Face The Music

| Langley, BC, Canada | Right | August 14, 2010

(A customer is placing an order for sheet music over the phone.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need books.”

Me: “What are you looking for?”

(The customer lists off three more items, all of which need to be ordered).

Me: “I can order those for you. However, the store requires a full deposit on sheet music orders.”

Customer: “Okay. How much is the last book? The Three Sonatas?”

(The Three Sonatas is a collection of various sonatas by a specific composer.)

Me: “$34.95.”

Customer: “I just need one, though.”

Me: “Unfortunately they’re not printed separately. It’s only available in this collection.”

Customer: “It’s too expensive.”

Me: “Then you don’t want me to order it?”

Customer: “I need it.”

Me: “So I’ll order it.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “No?”

Customer: “I need it. But you give me a discount.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “You order book. I’ll cut out the music I want, and pay discount.”

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