Totally Lost The Pot

| Wellington, New Zealand | Right | December 22, 2010

(I am working checkouts when a customer comes up with a stack of small buckets.)

Customer: “There should be about 23 of those.”

Me: “What do you use these for?”

Customer: “My husband uses them to mix cement, and then he just throws them out.”

(I begin scanning the buckets. Suddenly, the customer comments loudly.)

Customer: “We are not using them to grow pot!”

1 Thumbs
2,323
VOTES

In Need Of A Better Outlook

| Riverside, CA, USA | Right | December 22, 2010

Customer: “I’m having issues with my Outlook.”

Me: “Show me the problem you’re having so I can see if I can fix it for you.”

(She has six passwords each over twenty characters long, Bios password, Windows password, Zone Alarm Password, Outlook Password, etc…)

Me: “You don’t need to have your passwords that long for security’s sake.”

Customer: “I read on the internet that sniffers give up if the password is too long.”

Me: “I’m happy you did your research, but you don’t have to have it longer then 15 characters long.”

Customer: “Well I’m afraid if someone steals my laptop, the programs that can recover passwords can’t detect past twenty letters.”

Me: “That’s true, but no one really does that anymore. In this business we have customers coming in all the time to have us remove the password for them because they forgot it. For instance, I can get into your laptop in less then 2 – 3 minutes without your help.”

Customer: “No way. I’ve made precautions.”

Me: “I will be more then happy to show you that I can. But I would have to charge you a half hour fee and you would have to sign the work order giving me permission to.”

Customer: “And if you can’t? ”

Me: “Then I will be more then happy to refund you the money and you would have won this war.”

(Customer then pays the fee and signs the work order.)

Me: “Give me a moment.”

(A minute later.)

Me: “Here you go, I’m logged in to your Outlook.”

Customer: “Oh my God! How did you do that?”

Me: “If your really worried about someone stealing your laptop, you shouldn’t have laminated your passwords to the laptop.”

1 Thumbs
4,515
VOTES

No Short Cuts In Private School

| Adelaide, Australia | Right | December 22, 2010

(I am having my hair done and over hearing a conversation between a mother, her daughter and the hairdresser.)

Hairdresser: “Oh dear…sweetie.”

Child: “What is it?”

Hairdresser: “I’m afraid I can’t cut your hair today.” *to the mother* “Excuse me ma’am?”

(The mother ignores the hairdresser and talks on her mobile phone.)

Hairdresser: “Excuse me.”

(Mother continues to ignore her.)

Hairdresser: “Ma’am!”

Mother: “What!? Can’t you see I am on the phone?”

Hairdresser: “I am sorry, but I’m afraid I can’t cut your daughter’s hair.”

Mother: “What do you mean you can’t cut my daughter’s hair?”

Hairdresser: “I’m very sorry, but it is against store policy to cut anybody’s hair if they have lice.”

Mother: “Lice!? She can’t have lice! She goes to a private school!”

1 Thumbs
3,105
VOTES

Can’t Count On His Trust

| Billings, MT, USA | Right | December 22, 2010

(A group of four teens come in to see an R rated movie. Two of the kids have ID revealing their age to be 17. The two girls have no ID. I am a manager and am called over to assist.)

Me: “What’s wrong here?”

Male Customer: “See, me and him have our IDs because I drove.” *points to girls* “They are 17. They just forgot their IDs.”

Me: “Well, you owe me $100.”

Customer: “What? No I don’t.”

Me: “Oh, so you don’t take my word for it? You don’t trust me.”

Girl Customer: “Hey, we are 17. We know the rules. We just forgot our IDs.”

Me: “If you knew the rules, then why didn’t you bring your IDs? I can’t sell you tickets, but can I suggest a PG-13 movie?”

Male Customer: “Hey wait, why do I owe you $100?!”

1 Thumbs
2,211
VOTES

The Conversation Has Taken A Sudden Dive

| Chesapeake, VA, USA | Right | December 21, 2010

(I am answering basic questions for a potential skydiving customer.)

Customer: “How long is the free-fall part?”

Me: “About 30-40 seconds.”

Customer: “30 seconds!? I thought it was like five minutes? That’s how it is in the movies!”

Me: “But that’s in movies. Actual skydives average about a 30 to 40 second free-fall.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because that’s how long it takes to fall from the highest altitude that you can safely jump from.”

Customer: “If I’m going to pay $250 to jump, I want to fall for five minutes.”

Me: “Might I point out that it doesn’t even take objects in space five minutes to fall to earth? You could be in orbit and not get a five minute free-fall.”

Customer: “So if I call around, no one will be able to give me 5 minutes?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “Is there anyway you guys could fly the plane higher so I’d fall for five minutes?”

Me: “No ma’am, we cannot do that. Besides the fact that it is physically impossible, you would die. If you’re still hung up on this five-minute thing, call NASA and tell it to them.”

Customer: “Oh, so they do that?”

1 Thumbs
2,364
VOTES
Page 3,158/3,944First...3,1563,1573,1583,1593,160...Last
« Previous
Next »