What A Tool

| Saskatchewan, Canada | Right | May 13, 2010

Me: “Hello, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I’d like to buy this table saw, but I only want to pay $300.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the price is $400.”

Customer: “But I only want to pay $300!”

(This goes back and forth 3 or 4 times.)

Customer: “Tell you what. Take $100 off the table saw and I might come in next week and buy that!” *points to a $20 tool*

Me: “Sorry, sir but I’m not taking $100 off an item just because you buy a $20 item in a week.”

Customer: “You clearly don’t know how to run a business!”

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Milk That Lie Dry

| Thunder Bay, ON, Canada | Right | May 13, 2010

Me: “Here’s your smoothie, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, does this have milk in it? I have a violent reaction to milk! I can’t have milk.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. There’s 2% in it. I can make it with a protein powder but that may have milk products in it.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I can’t have it. Just make me a hot chocolate.”

Me: “Ma’am, to make that, I have to use milk.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I can have milk if it’s hot chocolate.”

Me: “Alrighty.”

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A New Dimension of Stupidity

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Right | May 13, 2010

(I pass the customer 3D glasses for his movie.)

Customer: “So these are 3D glasses?”

Me: “Yes sir!”

Customer: *getting excited* “So, if I put them on and look at you, you’ll be in 3D?”

Me: “Sir, by definition, I’m already 3D.”

Customer: “No. I mean, if I put on 3D glasses and look at you, or anything else, will you become 3D?”

Customer’s girlfriend: “You’re dumb. Just stop talking.”

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Go Flush

| Connecticut, USA | Right | May 12, 2010

Me: “Hello! What can I do for you?”

Customer: “I need some more goldfish. I keep losing them.”

Me: “You lose them? How do you lose your goldfish?”

Customer: “They keep escaping when I clean the tank.”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t understand. How do they escape?”

Customer: “Well, when I clean the tank I put ’em in the toilet. When I come back, one of them’s always swum down the hole!”

Me: “I’m going to need to go over a few things with you before I sell you the fish.”

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No Longer An Eye For An Eye

| Washington DC, USA | Right | May 12, 2010

(I have just found a spare eyeglass case for one of our doctors.)

Doctor: “Thanks, what do I owe you?”

Me: “Eh, don’t worry about it. We usually charge, but I’ve got you covered my friend.”

Doctor: “Oh! I guess next time you need a prostate exam I’ll try and hook you up.”

Me: “Uh, thanks?”

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