When Nomenclature Goes Amok

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Tech Support: “All right…now double-click on the File Manager icon.”

Customer: “That’s why I hate this ‘Windows’–because of the icons–I’m a Protestant, and I don’t believe in icons.”

Tech Support: “Well, that’s just an industry term sir. I don’t believe it was meant to-”

Customer: “I don’t care about any ‘industry terms’. I don’t believe in icons.”

Tech Support: “Well…why don’t you click on the ‘little picture’ of a file cabinet…it’s a ‘little picture’, okay?”

Customer: *hangs up*

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

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(A local officer picked this woman up off the street for Public Intoxication. He brought her to the jail to be booked in.)

Me: “Ma’am please move over to the counter.”

Her: “I don’t want to order anything, I’m not hungry.”

Me: “Ma’am I need to remove the handcuffs and search you.”

Her: “I don’t own any handcuffs.”

Me: “Ma’am do you know where you are?”

Her: “Yeah, at the store but I don’t like what you have done with it.”

Me: “Ma’am how much have you had to drink tonight?”

Her: “OH I don’t drink, I’m a dietitian!”

Me: *furrows eyebrows* “Do you mean diabetic?”

Her: “Whatever I doesn’t … er … didn’t drink anything but some Orange Juice … the bottle is in my purse.”

(I open her purse and find not only the bottle with OJ in it but an empty bottle of Vodka. The OJ in the bottle was almost see through she had so much Vodka in it.)

Four Words: Bow, Chicka, Bow and Bow

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(Working as a manager for a retail electronics business, I have a customer come in with a DVD player in a box, opened)

Customer: “This DVD player doesn’t work. It won’t play my DVDs. Can I get an exchange?”

Me: “Well, lets see if we can get it to work.”

(I take the DVD player over to the AV wall and quickly hook it up to our system. Under 30 seconds to do so, the customer in tow)

Me: “Oh, here’s the problem. It seems that the disc somehow ended up upside down in the DVD player.”

(I flip the DVD over without even looking at the disc or anything and push it back in, turning back to the customer)

Customer: “Oh great! I knew something wasn’t quite ri…”

(Suddenly, coming up on all my TVs, blaring through the sound system that is usually playing a music DVD, comes blasting ‘Bow Chicka-Bow Bow!’ and a rather grotesque scene of cheesy porn. I think it is the fastest I have ever moved, because by the time the first customer turned around to see what was going on, I had the AV cables yanked)

Customer: “Uh… That’s where that went! Heh…” *VERY sheepish look*

Me: “Okay, all fixed. Need me to help put this back in the box for you?”

Customer: “No, thanks. I can do it. Thank you for all your help.”

(I guess I wasn’t quick enough or just the sheer recognition of the music line, because I had two customers laughing very hard and one old lady who walked out very fast)

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(A customer comes up behind my counter just as I am about to serve another customer)

Customer: “Excuse me, but why isn’t this WA Salvage?”

Me: “Because all the WA Salvages closed down and we bought the building.”

Customer: “So where’s the nearest one?”

Me: “Uh, they’ve all been bought out.”

The customer I was serving: “Mate, there aren’t anymore, they all closed down!”

Customer: “So wheres the nearest one?”

*I give him a bad look, turn around and continue serving*

Pissing Against The Wind Is An Art Form

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Male Customer: “Two for American Gangster…we have 2 free passes.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but that movie just opened today and it isn’t currently accepting passes. To use these I’ll have to charge you $1.50 upgrade per ticket.”

Male Customer: “That’s ridiculous. It doesn’t say that anywhere on it.”

Me: *pointing to where it says that* “I’m sorry sir but it does. I’ll have to charge you the $3.”

Female Customer: “But we came early so we knew you wouldn’t sell out! Why can’t you just give it to us?”

Me: “I’m sorry but its a corporate policy. I cannot give anyone a free pass to this movie, not even employees. It’s not even an option on the computer.”

Male Customer: *mumbles under his breath while he reaches for his wallet*

Female Customer: “We shouldn’t have to pay $3 to see the movie! If there’s more than 25 people in there I’m going to report you to a manager!”

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