Her Head’s Up In The Sky With Diamonds

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Right | July 8, 2010

(A customer about the age of thirty walks into the store.)

Me: “Hello, how may I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for some recent Beatles records. Do you have any?”

Me: *assuming she means recent re-releases* “Hold on one second.”

(I find some and hand it to her.)

Customer: “Thank you so much! The Beatles are my favorite band! I would shoot myself if they ever broke up!”

Customer behind her: “Well, get your gun ready.”

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Customer Service With Zeal

| USA | Right | July 7, 2010

Customer: “Oh, I just love your accent! Are you British?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m a New Zealander.”

Customer: “Are you Aussie?”

Me: “No, I’m a New Zealander.”

Customer: “Is that part of Australia?”

Me: “No. We are part of the commonwealth, though.”

Customer: “New Ziland?”

Me: “New Zealand.”

Customer: “True New Zealanders say New Ziland.”

Me: “I am from New Zealand.”

Customer: “Prove it!”

Me: “Would you like some ice-cream from the chilly bin to enjoy at your bach with the whanau? It’s a tropical five degrees outside, miss.”

Customer: “That wasn’t kiwi, that was gibberish!”

Me: “Actually, most kiwis would understand that, ma’am.”

Customer: “No way! Prove you’re a New Zealander!”

Me: *out of desperation* “Sweet! I’m beached as, bro!”

Customer: “I believe you now!”

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It’s Going To Be One Of Those Days

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | July 7, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [electronics store]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wanting to buy one of those thingies that records stuff on a tape.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. What exactly were you looking to use this for?”

Customer: “Well, I want to record myself singing and send it to my grandkids.”

Me: “Well, it sounds like you’d need a voice recorder for that.”

Customer: “Oh, then I just send them the tape?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, our company discontinued tapes. Almost everything gets recorded onto digital data, like memory cards and such.”

Customer: “What’s a memory card?”

(I provide a lengthy explanation of memory card.)

Customer: “So, then I just mail them the memory card instead of the tape?”

Me: “No, ma’am. You could simply e-mail them the file of the audio clip.”

Customer: “What’s e-mail?”

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What Wheels Around, Comes Around

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Right | July 7, 2010

(I am a paralegal at a small law office; it’s 5:01 pm. I answer one last call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Law Office].”

Caller: “What time are you open until?”

Me: “We close at 5:00 pm.”

Caller: “Oh, so you can’t help me today?”

Me: “Well, all the lawyers are gone for the day, but maybe I can help you. What did you need?”

Caller: “I need a motorized wheelchair. Can you bring a few over so I can see them? See, I’m in a wheelchair and disabled so it’s hard for me to get around.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a lawyers office.”

Caller: “Lawyers, what lawyers? I don’t need no lawyers to get a wheelchair!”

Me: “No, it’s a law office, perhaps you misdialed.”

Caller: “Listen, I don’t think you understand. I need a motorized wheelchair. My worker has been saying that he’d make the arrangements for me but he’s said that for months.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is a lawyers office. I simply cannot bring wheelchairs to your home.”

Caller: “So you won’t bring me a wheelchair? I’m disabled and I can’t get out of the house. This is discrimination and I know my rights! You’ll be hearing from my lawyer!”

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Prices Are Frozen

| Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | Right | July 7, 2010

(Two young children under the age of 10 walk into the shop without an adult.)

Boy: “Is the ice cream free?”

Me: “No.”

Boy: “How much is it?”

Me: “The cheapest one is a little over a dollar.”

(Both the children go into the restroom for a while before coming out again.)

Boy: “How much is the ice cream now?”

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