More Truffle Than It’s Worth

| State College, PA, USA | Right | February 10, 2011

Customer: “I’ll take the southwestern burger, but absolutely no mushrooms. I’m allergic to mushrooms.”

(I go back to the kitchen to let the cook know of the allergy. This means they have to clean every cooking utensil and grill that may have touched a mushroom. After stopping service  for ten minutes to clean, the cook lets me know of some complications.)

Me: “Ma’am, we’ve removed all allergens from the cooking area but the cook has let me know that the bun for your burger is toasted on the same toaster as the mushroom focaccia and can’t be cleaned. We can grill it on the grill for you instead?”

Customer: “That’s fine. No mushrooms. I’m allergic.”

(I return to the kitchen, and the cook is meticulously going through our ingredients to make sure no other issues arise. He finds
another.)

Me: “Ma’am, sorry to bother you again. But the salsa on your burger doesn’t list all of the ingredients so better safe than sorry; we didn’t put the salsa on the burger.”

Customer: “Why not? I want the salsa!”

Me: “But it probably has chopped mushrooms.”

Customer: “I don’t care. I’m not really allergic. I just really don’t like them.”

(The cook nearly killed me when I went back to tell him.)

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Nonplussed Customers

| Dillon, CO, USA | Right | February 10, 2011

Customer: “Something isn’t right with these two signs about the pears on sale. One says $1.00 for 1 pound, and the other says $10 for 10 pounds. Which is it?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, that’s the same thing.”

Customer: “Excuse me, but I actually went to college. I think I can do basic math.”

Me: “Let’s look at it this way. If it’s $1 for 1 pound, how much would 3 pounds be?”

Customer: “$3.”

Me: “Yep, and how much would 5 pounds be?”

Customer: “$5.”

Me: “Awesome. How much would 10 pounds be?”

Customer: “$10.” *pause* “Those signs are misleading!” *storms off*

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Too Lazy To Lather

| Toronto, Canada | Right | February 10, 2011

Customer: “I need help finding a soap with vanilla in it.”

(I help her and show her a few products. She picks up a bar of soap.)

Customer: “How do you use this one?”

Me: “Oh, it’s just like a normal bar of soap.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You know, like a normal soap bar? Um, like Dove or Irish Spring?”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “You take it into the shower with you, wet it, rub it all over, and rinse it off.”

Customer: “Oh. That sounds like too much work.” *puts soap down and walks away*

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Not So Sweet Sixteen

| Melbourne, Australia | Right | February 9, 2011

Customer: “Hi! I’m looking to buy an MP3 player for my daughter.”

Me: “Sure, what capacity were you looking at?”

Customer: “Hold on.”

(She takes out a sheet of paper with size specifications and a rather juvenile depiction of the device and hands it to me.)

Me: *laughs* “Aww, that’s cute! How old is your daughter?”

Customer: “Sixteen.”

Me: “Oh.”

Customer: “Oh, don’t worry! She’s a little kooky.”

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I Dreamed A Dream Of Calls Gone By

| New Zealand | Right | February 9, 2011

(I work at a place that does repairs for Sony computers, stereos, cameras and the like. Hence, our store has the word ‘Sony’ in the title.)

Me: “Good morning, [company name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Is that Sony Music?”

Me: “No, sorry, this is Sony Repairs.”

Customer: “I’m trying to get through to Simon Cowell. He works with Susan Boyle.”

Me: “No, sorry. We repair Sony laptops.”

Customer: “So, you’re not Sony Music. Repairs are no good. Thanks.”

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