Deja Vu In Aisle 3

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(I work in the stock department of a small, local grocery store. Generally, I would get 1 or 2 requests to check the back for an item a shift. An elderly woman-I’d say around 75-80–approaches me. She is asking about a common type of flour we carry.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I’ve managed to find 4 of these. Would you care to check the back room to see if you have any more?”

Me: “Sure thing.”

(I grab a single flour package from her. After 1-2 minutes of aimless searching in the backroom, I return the bag to the woman.)

Customer: “Why, thank you! Now I have 4! Thats exactly how many I needed! God bless you!”

(I was way too embarrassed for her to explain the situation.)

Me: “You’re…welcome. Anything else?”

Customer: “One more thing, dear.”

Me: “What is it?”

Customer: “Can you check the back to see if you have any more of these?”

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Caught Red-Handed, Part 2

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(This is why it’s good to check inside the box when someone returns something.)

Me: “Ok sir, what’s wrong with the XBOX360?”

Customer: “Oh, it just doesn’t work.”

Me: “Ok.”

(I get the box, and policy indicates that I have to open it up. I look inside and there was a Sega Saturn with a couple of old stereo parts.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, this isn’t what supposed to be inside here.”

Customer: *fumbling for words* “Oh…oh…uh…that isn’t it. I have the real one at home. I’ll just get it…”

(Customer picks up the box and walks away, never to be seen from again. All the while I sit back laughing.)

Caught Red-Handed

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Thank You For Calling Webster’s

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(Ok, to explain. I work in a company that sells landscaping materials. You know…rock, dirt, compost, etc. This is a phone conversation I had.)

Me: “Hello, [Company Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer:: “Hello, I had a question about compost.”

Me: “Well, we have two kinds. Mushroom compost and chicken compost.”

Customer:: “Well, I want to know what is compost.”

Me: “Well, the mushroom compost is a mixture of horse manure, peat moss, gypsum, oyster-shell lime, straw and composted rice hulls. The chicken–” *customer cuts me off*

Customer:: “No I mean…what *is* compost?”

Me: “Decomposing organic matter?”

Customer:: “I see…what do you mean by ‘decomposing organic matter’?”

Me: *wondering if this is a prank call by now* “Well…as in organic matter that is breaking down in a natural process…”

Customer:: “What is ‘organic’?”

Me: “Okay. What do you think happens when you throw your coffee grounds, apple cores, and other scraps into a huge pile with animal manure?”

Customer:: “…it starts to stink.”

Me: “Because it’s decomposing.”

Customer:: “…but what is ‘decomposing’?”

Me: “It’s rotting.”

Customer:: “…and we put this in our gardens?”

Me: “Ironic, isn’t it?”

Customer:: “Okay, so what do you mean by ‘matter’?”

(I’m sure you can all figure out how this conversation went at this point. 20 minutes of my life I will never have back.)

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I’ll Take A Double Entendre With A Side Of Innuendo

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(I was a pump attendant (Oregon is a no-self-serve state) and a fairly attractive middle-aged woman in a mid 90’s Ford pickup pulled up for fuel. Now, that style of truck has two gas tanks, one in front, one in back. Here’s our conversation:)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Her: “I just need ten bucks worth of diesel, please.”

Me: “Okay, which tank?”

Her: “Oh, I think I’ll take it in the rear tonight!”

(We both paused, she turned bright red, and it was all I could do not to bust out laughing!)

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Always Right, Even When They’re At The Wrong Store

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(I worked this job over a year ago and got plenty of peachy customers, this is one that sticks with you though…)

Customer: “I need to pick up my copy order.”

Me: “Sure thing, what’s the name on that?”

Customer: “*******, and it’s very important so it had better be right.”

(I proceed to the bins where we keep our completed orders and can’t find one, can’t find a work order sheet, and when I check our production log nothing has been checked in.)

Me: “Erm… Sir, are you sure this is the correct location? I seem to be having trouble finding this order…”

Customer: “Yea, I’m sure, my wife dropped it off here. You better get off your a** and find it!”

(So I keep looking over and over again. Neanwhile he’s still telling me off and using much less than appropriate language. My supply side manager had a bad night, so I was dead set on settling it myself.)

Me, again: “Sir, I’m not seeing it but I want to get your name again just to be sure.”

Customer: “You really are useless aren’t you? The name is *******, stupida**. I’ll even call my wife and she can confirm it for you!”

(I cross my arms and wait patiently for him to make his call. It’s little surprise to me when he pales a little and hangs up.)

Customer: “It’s at ****** Depot…BUT IT’S STILL YOUR FAULT THAT I DIDN’T KNOW THAT!”

*customer storms out*

Always Right Even When Calling The Wrong Store

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